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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick to death of every single person I know describing their toddler as advanced?

177 replies

Bethshine82 · 14/11/2011 13:03

Honestly. Everyone I know with small children go on and on and on about how advanced their child is. They can't all be advanced. I was a teacher before being a SAHM and in my years of teaching only met one child that I would consider "advanced." Sure, some were more able than others but by and large they fell under the bracket of what was expected for their age group. What happens to all these advanced two and three year olds?!

I saw a friend yesterday with a ten month old baby and yes, her baby is "advanced." WTF? It was not talking. It was not walking. It was doing what every ten month old baby I've ever seen does. What is advanced in a ten month old baby? For that matter what is advanced in a two or three year old? As far as I can see they all have things they are good at and less good at, just like adults.

It absolutely drives me mad. It's great to be proud of your kid but why is it that most (all my friends it would appear) people don't realise that while you think your own child is brilliant and special to everyone else they're just a regular kid? Argh! I overheard a conversation between two mothers recently and their babies could not have been more than five months old. One was saying "When I went in this morning he was reaching, actually reaching, for his mobile. I couldn't believe it. He's so clever, he's really advanced."

This is what makes me avoid mother and toddler groups. And Babycentre.

AIBU??

OP posts:
marriedtoagoodun · 14/11/2011 13:04

mine wasn't and still isn't - she is lovely though :)

maresedotes · 14/11/2011 13:06

If it's any consolation mine isn't! She is also my second so maybe I'm less concerned about milestones?

Of course my DD1 should have gone to Oxford by the age of 3...

DooinMeCleanin · 14/11/2011 13:07

One of mine was and is still is one was not and is still not. They're both very lovely. What one lacks in 'smarts' she more than makes up for in humour and kindness.

They were both raised the same way. It's just luck of the draw mainly. I did nothing special or extra with my clever child that I didn't do with my other child.

YABU though. People like to boast about their children. If it irritates you just smile and nod and let it go over your head.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 14/11/2011 13:08

My first is/was - my second and third are not

That tells you everything you need to know about why parents describe their child (not children) as advanced Grin Wink

CailinDana · 14/11/2011 13:08

I have only heard people say it about other people's babies, not their own. My friend and I used to laugh about how often the NCT crowd would describe her little boy as advanced because he crawled and walked before everyone else - it came across as a clumsy attempt not to appear jealous. Others have described my DS as advanced which I find odd, it makes him sound like he should have a tag line like "The next generation of baby" or some such. He is talking sooner than the other babies his age but surely that means nothing - he'll just be able to ask the why why why questions a couple of months earlier. Oh joy.

AlpinePony · 14/11/2011 13:09

YANBU. My son would've told you himself but I don't suppose you speak mandarin. [boast]

CailinDana · 14/11/2011 13:10

FWIW I think teachers are much less prone to this sort of thinking as they know that what a difference of a few months in achieving a skills is irrelevant in the long run.

dreamfeeder · 14/11/2011 13:10

lol, all parnets are going to think it to a degree, it's their precious baby. Bu to say it?! how stupid!

My DD is not advanced. I think she's quite a bright little girl at 14 months, as of course I would, but I do not expect her to be on the gifted and talented register, put it that way....

oh, and my step sisters eldest was quite advanced. He has in fact just been registered gifted and talented at age 6- so that's one for you!!!! I do mean super bright though, clear from early on. Age 4+ jigsaws unaided by 2 etc etc. His mum didn't think he was that amazing though til he started school.

dreamfeeder · 14/11/2011 13:11

parnets?! I mean parents of course...

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 14/11/2011 13:13

I just don't believe they can all be advanced! I think being advanced is the exception not the norm and I suppose it irritated me because I find it boring to have to pretend to think a ten month old is advanced. It's nice they are proud, I'm proud of my son, but I don't tell everyone I meet how clever etc I think he is. Because it is boring for other people and generally most children meet similar milestones at a similar age.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 14/11/2011 13:14

My DS is Mr Average. We even call him that. He is always on the middle of the height chart, the middle of the weight chart, his teeth came through almost to the day of the average/usual expected time, and in the predicted order. He doesn't sleep that well, but not that badly either. He doesn't eat that well, but again, not that badly either. He walked at 15 months, is neither behind or ahead with his talking. He's just......normal. And will never be worthy of his own thread. Grin

I just grin when people tell me about their gifted children. YANBU, but I wouldn't let it get to you.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 14/11/2011 13:15

DS 6 is advanced in reading (probably 5 or 6 years ahead), but terrible at writing, telling the time, putting his pants on the right way round, wiping his bum, or avoiding moving traffic. In other words a mixed bag of abilities that balances out at normal.

And every so often, I thank the heavens he is just that, perfectly normal.

Apart from the fact he is, without doubt, the most handsome boy in the world though, of course. Grin

Voidka · 14/11/2011 13:17

It all evens out in the end.

I know what you mean though. I have a DS in reception and some of the parents are falling over themselves to tell each other about rocket words and reading books.

YANBU.

ScroteyMcBoogerBaubles · 14/11/2011 13:17

No Yanbu they can't all be advanced..

Mine are though.

Katiepoes · 14/11/2011 13:18

Oh mine isn't. She's still not walking at 18 months, both of us are still called Papa and everything else is either beh or deh.

She is however better looking than all your toddlers. Hah.

KatieMiddIeton · 14/11/2011 13:19

YANBU. I got told off by HV for saying DS was average. He was average.

He now has a development delay for speech but is very advanced at climbing like a monkey. If there were medals for being monkey-like he'd have one Grin

ButHeNeverDid · 14/11/2011 13:21

Its because the whole child development thing is really amazing.

Especially learning to talk. Just how do they do it? Smile

And if you have never been close to a young child before, it is just wonderous and amazing to watch babies / young children develop.

I dont think all these parents think their kids are going to grow up and get a Nobel prize. I think they are just expressing their wonderment.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 14/11/2011 13:22

It just seems to be a competition, there were two mothers at stay and play last week trying to outdo each other.

I do have a 'friend' (may cut all ties) that has three children, two girls and a boy. In front of the children she will openly go on and on about how advanced the girls are whereas the boy is only 'average.' I feel bad for him. She just likes the girls more than her son though, she was describing het second daughter (the youngest) as advanced at less than six months old.

OP posts:
MissPenteuth · 14/11/2011 13:22

It is human nature to believe we are at least slightly above average in everything. That's why everyone thinks they're a great driver.

And I suppose that there are so many things that toddlers are learning at that age, each one is bound to be above average at something, i.e. some will walk early, some talk more, some can count, some know colours mine can do all these things. When the parents say advanced, what they really mean is "at the higher end of the 'normal' spectrum".

Proudnscary · 14/11/2011 13:23

My kids are as thick as pig shit - feel better?

KatieMiddIeton · 14/11/2011 13:24

Some people are twatty. But not all of us are.

Some of us are still terribly proud of our average children. Mine is brilliant. He has just started speaking some words in a cockney accent. I know not why but it's hysterical. He's also 2.7 and still not speaking in sentences

TeWihara · 14/11/2011 13:26

Of course they're not all advanced, and on the plus side eventually their parents will probably realise this.

fedupwithdeployment · 14/11/2011 13:27

Mine was positively behind. I remember the 2 year check - can he say 50 words? No. Cue the HV giving me a lightly hard time. i was pretty relaxed and not too concerned. More annoyed Grin

Now as a 7 yo, he is of course very advanced...well, he is top of class (of 30) in reading, reasonable at writing (don't know how he compares), pretty rubbish at maths. But apparently his teacher told him "You are so clever at _ (he couldn't remember what he was clever at!), that I can't teach you anymore. Hmm

I just hope his head doesn't explode.

Original poster
Bethshine82 · 14/11/2011 13:27

Lol proudnscary. It's not that it makes me feel bad or that my child is inadequate. It's just I think 'really, are they really advanced? Or are they actually just a normal child like most other children.'

It's when people with a child the same age as mine start telling me their child is advanced because they can do this or that. And I think, mine can do those things, it isn't advanced, it is just normal.

No one likes to think their child might struggle. Everyone likes to think their child is bright. But people who say a six month old is advanced when it just lies there surely must be a bit deluded?

OP posts:
lovingthecoast · 14/11/2011 13:28

I have never really heard people talking this way about babies. Though we knew DD1 was advanced by about 18mths, we still didn't go around saying it to other people. In fact it drove me potty that other people would say it to me about here and use it as an excuse for her being naughty but that's a different rant.

She's 6 now and still well ahead. She is regularly described as advanced by her teachers, and we know she is but we don't say that to other people. Not least because we have 3 other children who are just happily normal.

You do seem to have strange friends if they are all going on about how advanced their children are.

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