To be sick to death of every single person I know describing their toddler as advanced?

[Bethshine82]

Honestly. Everyone I know with small children go on and on and on about how advanced their child is. They can't all be advanced. I was a teacher before being a SAHM and in my years of teaching only met one child that I would consider "advanced." Sure, some were more able than others but by and large they fell under the bracket of what was expected for their age group. What happens to all these advanced two and three year olds?!

I saw a friend yesterday with a ten month old baby and yes, her baby is "advanced." WTF? It was not talking. It was not walking. It was doing what every ten month old baby I've ever seen does. What is advanced in a ten month old baby? For that matter what is advanced in a two or three year old? As far as I can see they all have things they are good at and less good at, just like adults.

It absolutely drives me mad. It's great to be proud of your kid but why is it that most (all my friends it would appear) people don't realise that while you think your own child is brilliant and special to everyone else they're just a regular kid? Argh! I overheard a conversation between two mothers recently and their babies could not have been more than five months old. One was saying "When I went in this morning he was reaching, actually reaching, for his mobile. I couldn't believe it. He's so clever, he's really advanced."

This is what makes me avoid mother and toddler groups. And Babycentre.

AIBU??

All my DCs were late at doing everything as babies. Talked late, walked late, sat up late, you name it, I never had a THING to brag about. They even got teeth late.

The older two are doing very well at school now. But you can't brag about stuff once they are at school. It's the rules. It's a bit of a bugger.

there is a study somewhere that has demonstrated that the thicker you are, the cleverer you think you are.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning?Kruger_effect

i have never ever heard anyone describe their own child as advanced (only others of my child) but then i never went to those grusome muslin/bugaboo convocations.

i never really discuss what my child is doing in terms of achievements and only have a rough idea of when milestones are (talking and walking at 1, lying and reading at 3)

There are also studies that show the higher the expectations of your parents, the better you do in life!

But you can't brag about stuff once they are at school. It's the rules. It's a bit of a bugger.

I think that they do when they start but luckily it tails off. Either they have something to compare and realise that many DCs are just as 'advanced' or that they are just average, or the DC makes them stop!

You can have expectations without broadcasting them to other parents Starlight!

There are also studies that show the higher the expectations of your parents, the better you do in life!

There are no expectations with my friends for their dd to do well (or any better than her peers), just that she holds her 'advanced status' and continues to out-do her peers. Which appears to have given her some overinflated sense of herself. And it shows...and it isn't pretty!

But saying that, she can be as advanced & do as well as she likes, with her present attitude she will not get very far!

I think that eating problems, mental health problems are caused by parents having high (unrealistic) expectations.

It is true that many very bright children will level off but being very bright is not the same though is it? I would describe my DS1 as very bright. Top group in class etc. But it's not the same at all as how DD1 is. She isn't just bright, people didn't talk to her as a 3yr old, smile and say how bright she was. People had conversations with her and gave me looks due to how ahead she was.

I am proud of all 4 of my children but I don't understand why anyone would want to boast about a child who really was G&T. It's not a good place to be at all. As I said earlier, my bright child and my academically average child are fab and so much happier.

Exotic, I think my DD1 has slight MH problems based on her inability to accept that she cannot know everything yet. This is absolutely coming from her as you can see from my posts, I would do anything for her just to be bright and have no expectations for my kids at school other than for them to be happy and do their best.

Just read my posts back and I sound very down on her. That's not the case at all and I love her to bits. I just worry myself sick about her due to a mixure of her naughtiness and her need to know everything and not accept that at 6yrs, some things can wait.

Is that a middle class/upper class thing? ghastly

I live in a pit village, you'd be laughed out of any mother and baby with that kinda talk.

O.T I'd say a 10 month old who could walk somne babies are 9 are i'd say advanced.

Too late Beth - they are doomed to a lifetime of mediocrity - should have started the learning in utero really.

I think it boils down to it just being amazing what small people can do and at such an early age.

I didn't think DS was 'advanced' but I was amazed by everything he did, simply because I had made him (all by myself inside my body!!!) and he was doing it. Without sounding really cheesy, I suppose I was just amazed by the 'miracle of life' stuff.

It is annoying when others don't recognise it as just that though!

I have to say, I've never ever heard any of my aquaintances say their child is advanced. I've only ever heard 'well they're really good at this, but not so good at this' which is what I tend to say when I talk about mine, because from observation (and from being logical!) they are all better at some things than others, and therefore more 'advanced' in some areas than other children of their age group.

My LO hasnst been described as advanced ( hes 20wks) but every hcp that has seen him has commented on how bright he is and how he's seems months older than he is. When he was born he even seemed to look around the room at the 7 hcp's who were in there as if to say, what are u all looking at- the midwives were actually laughing!!

He smiled and laughed early and is just about sitting on his own. But at the end of the day I know he'll probably not be any more advanced than any other child when he's a toddler. we like to think of him as a wee smarty pants, but would never dream of saying it to anyone but my DH and DM, as my sil has a baby 3 days older and I can't be dealing with competitiveness!

Pretty much every child will be able to do something before his or her peers. I don't think there is anything wrong is being chuffed that your child did something first, especially if it stops you worrying about the things they haven't managed yet.

My DS was the first of his group of friends to discover how to pick his nose [preens]

I think the poster that said that there is no need for the parents of a genuinely advanced child to brag about it as their ability speaks for itself has a very good point.

Years ago there were 2 girls in DD1's reception class; one was "bright and advanced" in her mum's opinion. This mum spent hours going into the school, moaning because her daughter's reading book wasn't the right level for her, moaning because her daughter was getting "bored" in numeracy, moaning that it was all too babyish for her daughter. The other girl genuinely was very bright and advanced, doing work years ahead of the school year she was in. But I only knew about it towards the end of the year, the mum never said a word about her daughter being bright, she didn't need to. Her daughter's vocabulary, mature attitude and scarily good violin playing spoke for itself!

I think some of you are spending too much time with really horrible people.

I know loads of mums and heaps of toddlers. I know pushy mums and mums who comment on every wonderful word their child utters and every stupendous step they take and yes, at times I do want to slap them. But.... I have honestly never heard anyone say out loud that their child is advanced.

I can't believe you are surrounding yourself with so many wankers.

Sorry haven't read the whole thread so this might have been asked already. What made the one child you mentioned advanced?

I am convinced DS is average. He doesn't seem to be particularly amazing at anything except sourcing biscuits. He is exceptional at that, of course (little bugger got his hands on MY jaffa cakes the other day), but otherwise is a typical tantruming whirlwind.

However, and this will sound like stealth boasting, so I apologise in advance, every developmental review he has at nursery, I am told how exceptionally advanced he is physically. Which is lovely, but he's 2. It's absolutely meaningless at this age, isn't it? HVs told us how physically advanced he was from a few weeks old, and again, it's meaningless - I'm not entering him in any competitions, he will remain a toddler until he grows out of being a toddler, ffs.

I have several friends who have got their 2 year olds doing various gymnastic/dance/rugby/football classes all at exorbitant costs to develop their little ones. I do not see the point. They tell me it is because little Tarquin needs to be stretched, but so far as I can tell, they have lovely, healthy, NORMAL toddlers, who would be just as happy galloping around the garden shrieking as they are galloping around a dance studio in a tutu. One friend told me her DD was so advanced that she couldn't cope with the pressures of nursery, and she is even worrying now about how her DD will cope at school. Her DD is totally normal, if a little malevolant looking at times. I think some mums want a label for their child to make them feel a bit special.

I am, of course, delighted that DS isn't delayed in any way (so far), but apart from DH and I doing the whole 'he's a genius!' thing to each other when DS does something cute, I am not convinced that labelling a toddler as anything other than 'normal' or 'needs to be reviewed as there's something not quite right here' is helpful to anyone.

kendodd nothing! That's the point! So many people I know describe their children as advanced with seemingly no basis for this sweeping statement. Not even advanced at one particular thing, just advanced apparently.
I don't know how you would even tell if a baby was advanced anyway!
Actually echoing what others have said I have one close friend who has a daughter who is certainly verbally advanced and yet of all the parents I know she brags the least. In fact she never mentions what her daughter can and can't do. This is why she is a good friend rather than a "frenenemy."

My dh and I have a running joke which involves saying, "Oh, of course, he's terribly advanced," after every great thing ds1 (2) and ds2 (6mo) do. We think we are so hilarious because our social life is currently stunted we've noticed mums going on and on about how their child is doing something early and ours have done everything pretty late. And we both firmly believe that our kids will be just fine and want them to be happy with whatever their abilities turn out to be.

Then again, when I am obsessively sharing cute things ds1 is saying (he talked late and now won't shut up!), I worry it comes across as boasting. It isn't - I'm just insanely proud of him and in love with him and almost everything he does. Yes he is verbally ahead at the moment, but he is physically behind and a real scaredy-cat. Does that make him advanced or delayed?

Using the word "advanced" of any child except the outright geniuses shows little understanding of the meandering, slow&fast, utterly individual route child development takes. Using it of your own child is just inviting rolled eyes.

We say that too 'of course, he's terrrbly, terrrrrrrrrrbly advanced for his age'. Usually when he is doing something increadibly daft (farting loudly) or babyish, or prentending to be a cat (which he has always done for some reason better known to himself - we don't even have a cat).

My dd is slightly above average but there is one area when she is definitely advanced.

She has this amazing ability to know when I am in a major rush, even though I am playing it down and being remarkably low-key about it. She can then dither beautifully about exactly what she wants for breakfast, and choice finally made and dish prepared, she can then do this amazing thing where she claims it wasn't what she wanted after all and throw this gorgeous and terribly high level hissy fit. Best of all, she can detect whether the reason we need to be out of the house promptly is something that is missable (like toddler group) or whether it really is important (say, doctors appt) in which case she can escalate the hissy fit accordingly.

So ha ha ha to all of you who think that simple things like reading are an indication of advancement - my dd can mind read and make complex decisions about how to make Mummy's day even more fraught.

I'm with you, OP. This sort of bragging drives me batty. Why is it that so many parents fail to recognize that they have perfectly ordinary children? In a sense, it is quite lovely that some people view their children through rose-colored glasses. But I do wish the more vocal ones would realize that not everyone sees their offspring in quite the same way.

I actually had a conversation with someone about this, and she nodded sagely and agreed with me, and then added, "Of course, my own children really are advanced." LOL.

I'm afraid it only gets worse as the children enter school, especially when you run into the "gifted" nonsense. I have been teaching for 10+ years (university students), and I have yet to encounter a genius. However, many of my students can be counted among the "formerly gifted" (as I privately call them), i.e. identified as gifted in school. I live and work in the U.S., and many students seem to come from Lake Woebegon, "where all the children are above average."