To be sick to death of every single person I know describing their toddler as advanced?

[Bethshine82]

Honestly. Everyone I know with small children go on and on and on about how advanced their child is. They can't all be advanced. I was a teacher before being a SAHM and in my years of teaching only met one child that I would consider "advanced." Sure, some were more able than others but by and large they fell under the bracket of what was expected for their age group. What happens to all these advanced two and three year olds?!

I saw a friend yesterday with a ten month old baby and yes, her baby is "advanced." WTF? It was not talking. It was not walking. It was doing what every ten month old baby I've ever seen does. What is advanced in a ten month old baby? For that matter what is advanced in a two or three year old? As far as I can see they all have things they are good at and less good at, just like adults.

It absolutely drives me mad. It's great to be proud of your kid but why is it that most (all my friends it would appear) people don't realise that while you think your own child is brilliant and special to everyone else they're just a regular kid? Argh! I overheard a conversation between two mothers recently and their babies could not have been more than five months old. One was saying "When I went in this morning he was reaching, actually reaching, for his mobile. I couldn't believe it. He's so clever, he's really advanced."

This is what makes me avoid mother and toddler groups. And Babycentre.

AIBU??

Who are these people? I've never met one. My little boy is fairly normal. I do think he is very clever at drawing, though. His pictures are actually meant to be things, and sometimes they even look a bit like those things! I think that is quite clever for 21 months. I do try not to go on about it all the time, though - I'm aware that he is not as fascinating to other people as he is to me.

None of my friends or the mums at the groups I go to ever brag about their 'advanced' children.

A friend's sister said a few years ago"Of course,the playgroup is fine for your average three-year-old,but offers nothing for an ultra-bright four-year old..."(her daughter). On another occasion,she remarked"Learning the piano has been good experience for Sam.It's the first thing he's ever done that he hasn't had instant success with". Funnily enough,she was not very popular.....

You see, Clawdy, I did actually think those things or similar but I'd never ever have said them out loud other than to my DH. And I agree that my average and my bright child are far, far happier than my 'advanced' child.

"Advanced" for anything up to about 3 y/o means sod all IMO, and even at school for the 1st few years the younger kids can be way behind the older in the same year..

My ds is advanced. Advanced in tantrumming, screaming and holding as many cars in one hand as you can without dropping them

Objectively my 5.5month old is average in her development, but (perhaps because she is my first baby and I don't know much about babies?) everything she does seems amazing to me. I am really surprised at everything she does as I was expecting babies to be more boring. I am aware though that all this is really dull for other people so I only discuss how amazing she is with OH who shares my amazement!

Like other posters, I have never heard anybody describe their baby, toddler or child as advanced.

In rl that is, I have on mn!

My 2 yo is very backward at a number of things (potty-training, sleeping through the night) and pretty average at a number of others (singing, talking, walking, running) and a bit ahead in others (empathy, counting, tidying).

I suspect that boasting about one's child's achievements has a number of causes: 1) genuine pride, 2) self-esteem issues stemming from pouring quite a lot of one's own energy and emotional resources into them, 3) selective enhancing of certain aspects of their child's development in pursuance of boosting self-esteem, and 4) surprise that a scrap that was so helpless just a few months ago (and inadvertently we are all a little blind to our children growing up and gaining independence) can now do things.

I agree, it is tiresome. I think we may all have been guilty of it at some time, if only in our heads. I know I did with boy wonder! He was actually a tiresome hyperactive little tyke most of the time and I would have struggled to be patient with him if he hadn't had many redeeming qualities in my eyes.

I think with some really advanced children you can tell early. We could with DD1 as could the HV. There is a huge range of normal though where the vast majority of kids sit comfortably. DS1 is bright and was towards the upper end of this and DD2 very middling. DS2 too little as yet. But DD1 was different. Way too perceptive, way too much comprehension about stuff. The strange thing is that although her reading is very advanced, it isn't as advanced as her intellect. Her mathematical understanding and general knowledge though is scary. As I said earlier though, it's a worry rather than something to brag about.

I think 'gifted and talented' has a lot to answer for! I hear so many people (especially on forums) comment that their child is gifted. To me, gifted children are very few and far between...an exceptional talent on the piano for example, or can instantly do something most children need to be taught. A lot of people at the playgroups and ds' preschool spend time talking about what their children can do, and sometimes it does come across as boastful. Sometimes it's something my child has been doing for ages, in which case I stay quiet as it would sound mean to say 'x has been doing that for months'. Sometimes it's something my dc can't do, I don't comment then either as I don't want dc to overhear and reinforce the fact it's something they find hard/can't do.

I agree, backtobedlam. True 'gifts' are very rare, and all schools have a certain quota on the G&T register. My eldest niece is down as G&T when in fact she is just academic, studious and loves school and always tries her hardest. I don't describe her as 'gifted' (though her mum does)!

YANBU. Gets on my tits. Think it irritates me more when people - ie, the grandparents - try to insist DS is advanced. He's really not. He is, of course, perfect in every way. But is just your avarage 2 year old, and I have no desire for him to be otherwise.

I am 23 weeks pregnant and DC is clearly terribly advanced going by punching and kicking abilities alone. I am completing applications for Cambridge as I type

Yes, I also agree with the G&T list in school. As an ex teacher I also know that the level required to be on the G&T register varied dramatically from school to school depending on its intake so really it was meaningless.

In 20 odd years of teaching I came across less than 5 children who I would described as either gifted or talented. Every one had the same self-asteem and frustration difficulties that my DD1 has. It really isn't a gift at all. Well, perhaps it is for some but I just see it as something that makes her life more difficult. She is often sad and much too aware of things she should need to think about at 6yrs such as mortality.

ha ha! just wait until they all start school, then the boasting really starts and its hard to keep up, best to just opt out and "well mine is normal - thank god"

Mine is G&T material.

That is to say, one day will be bright enough to be trained how to fix a gin and tonic.

I think it works the other way though. All these advanced DMs have driven one woman I know out of baby group (because her DD wasn't doing what theirs were), one woman with twins is really defensive because they only have two words and should have three. I informed her I count "aboooflu" as a word. Another woman I know has a 1 yo and she is horribly worried about his development (there may actually be issues in that case).

For every child on the high side of average, there is one on the low side. The my-child-is-advanced crowd make them feel horrible. I think I am friends with them all because (although DD sets the curve for cuteness) she is average and I know it. Seriously though, I have the cutest child in the world.

My toddler is as thick as a stick. HTH.

She is lovely though

That is because they are comparing their toddlers to a teddy bear.

I think it's about women being insecure and once they have a child, all their insecurity is channelled into their offspring/mothering skills/buying clobber/educational choices for the rest of time.

It's like a almighty competition.
I think it's bad for kids but I feel their pain too, it's also, imho, about the loss of identity mothers can feel and a kind of panic around that.

I think also beauty and talent is very much in the eye of the beholder, so one snot faced bratlet pointing at a aeroplane and saying 'Glup' is, to its own mother saying: "Attend Mater! Regard this aeronautical machine! Tis wondrous my good woman! Canst thou tell me what Leonardo might have made of this prithee? And pass my bicky peg now!"

sorry, forgive crimes against grammar, AN almighty and AN aeroplane

That should have said, shouldn't need to worry about.

I am shocked that some people have never met anyone from the 'my child is advanced' brigade. Seriously I hear it all the time. Not just from my friends but also at groups and on fb.

Actually it may be the word 'advanced' that really grates. Bright and clever don't annoy me in the same way. Don't know why.