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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick to death of every single person I know describing their toddler as advanced?

177 replies

Bethshine82 · 14/11/2011 13:03

Honestly. Everyone I know with small children go on and on and on about how advanced their child is. They can't all be advanced. I was a teacher before being a SAHM and in my years of teaching only met one child that I would consider "advanced." Sure, some were more able than others but by and large they fell under the bracket of what was expected for their age group. What happens to all these advanced two and three year olds?!

I saw a friend yesterday with a ten month old baby and yes, her baby is "advanced." WTF? It was not talking. It was not walking. It was doing what every ten month old baby I've ever seen does. What is advanced in a ten month old baby? For that matter what is advanced in a two or three year old? As far as I can see they all have things they are good at and less good at, just like adults.

It absolutely drives me mad. It's great to be proud of your kid but why is it that most (all my friends it would appear) people don't realise that while you think your own child is brilliant and special to everyone else they're just a regular kid? Argh! I overheard a conversation between two mothers recently and their babies could not have been more than five months old. One was saying "When I went in this morning he was reaching, actually reaching, for his mobile. I couldn't believe it. He's so clever, he's really advanced."

This is what makes me avoid mother and toddler groups. And Babycentre.

AIBU??

OP posts:
DoMeDon · 14/11/2011 15:13

YABU - smile and nod, they are proud and amazed. I had little interaction with DC throughout my life and didn't know what to expect at all. Am sure my experience is not unique, so maybe some people read a book that says 'baby should be able to say mama' and their baby is saying 'morning mother dear, tea or coffeee today?' and they go - WOW my child is a genius!

Like I say -I didn't know what to expect, and tend to have massively unrealistic high expectations in general, so was genuinely surprised when other mums commented that DD was ahead in some things. I have noticed that within a few months of each other most DC are on same level - it would have to be few years difference for me to think 'Wow, that's super special'.

Psammead · 14/11/2011 15:16

What is it about grandparents? I mean, it's very endearing, but my mother calls everything DD does 'clever'. And not just to DD as a confidence boost, but to me on the phone and everything.

We visited when DD was 21 months, and DM had a very simple, chunky puzzle with four basic pictures of animals, with the same picture in the corresponding, almost round holes.

DM has told all and sundry that she cannot get over how DD was doing the puzzle and knew where the pieces went.

Even I, who have fond fantasies about congratulating prime minister DD on her double Nobel prize for curing cancer and bringing peace to the world, find this a stretch.

wahwahwah · 14/11/2011 15:23

Oh you are a grump! All toddlers are pretty amazing from their parents point of view. One minute all they do is poo, cry and throw up all over you, next, they are actually doing things!

My sister runs a daycare centre and she does chuckle at the parents coming in with MENSA application forms for their toddlers!

DoMeDon · 14/11/2011 15:29

psam - some toddlers can't do them (not my advanced toddler, of course Wink) and I think it's lovely that GP's are so proud.

AIBU to think the world is full of misogs?

Psammead · 14/11/2011 15:31

I knew it! She's a bloody GENIUS! Wink Grin

Psammead · 14/11/2011 15:32

Misogs?

Laquitar · 14/11/2011 15:34

yy to grandparents. My dd (9) says something like : 'i'm thirsty' and my parents say 'oh she is so advanced, she will become a surgeon' Grin

Bil and Sil say (on daily basis) that when dn was born every doctor and nurse in the room said that he was very advanced Hmm. Yes an advanced 2 minutes old baby!

soonbeforty · 14/11/2011 15:35

What do three year olds do that make them advanced then? (Hoping that she might be able to boast a little) - so far dd2 seems only to excel in falling off chairs. Also quite prolific in poo/wee/fart conversations (thanks to dd1). Does that count?

duchesse · 14/11/2011 15:35

loving, all children become aware of death and discuss it at 5-6. Nothing to worry about at all, perfectly normal phase. I remember DS asking me who buries the last person alive if there's a epidemic. I think he can only have been 4 or 5 because we were on our way to see a friend with my newish DD2.

Laquitar · 14/11/2011 15:37

I forgot to say it was a private clinic Grin
Do they flater you when you pay?

DoMeDon · 14/11/2011 15:39

Misogs - miserable old gits.

Prefer your goblin linkie Grin

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 14/11/2011 15:39

Calculus soonbeforty calculus...

Clossaintjacques · 14/11/2011 15:42

I have never heard anyone say that their child is advanced and I know loads of mums. I really haven't Confused

Psammead · 14/11/2011 15:45

Aha! That does make more sense, DoMeDon.

Surely no-one would bury the last person alive as there would be no need to as they are alive.

Yes, yes, I realise I am arguing with a 5 year old. But you are never too young for pedantry Grin

Psammead · 14/11/2011 15:48

I have seen it often. In at least three people, none of whom I am friends with any more.

It's not just being proud and having a little boast, it's desperate.

One claim I will never forget was when visiting this 'friend' when our DD's were 12 months or near as damnit, and my DD bashing her head and crying, and this mum saying that her DD does not cry any more as she (the child) finds it embarassing.

Hmm
Canella · 14/11/2011 15:56

Oh I have a friend with 4 dc who excels at this. All of them are "so advanced for their age." She even wrote on FB that she was "astounded by her dd's brilliance". I know the girl - she seems like an average 7 year old to me.
But when she started going on about how advanced and amazing her baby was because he walked at 10 months (some babies do - doesnt him make him an olympic sprinter as a PP said!), I had to say - yeah but he's got no teeth - it all evens out!

My dc are bilingual which makes them appear clever but I believe most dc, if exposed to 2 languages, would be bilingual so its treated as fairly normal in our house. Doesnt help dd be better at maths, ds1 with reading or ds2 learning to listen.

So YANBU!

Ophuchi · 14/11/2011 15:56

Parents with advanced toddlers don't need to tell parents at the park/playgroup or whatever about them. Other people notice when a child has a truly exceptional ability/ies for their age.

But you are being a teeny bit unreasonable to get all grumpy about people describing an average development as advanced. Just smile and nod and be happy for them.

SparklyRedShoes · 14/11/2011 15:59

Well my 18month nephew is very advanced. He's bloody fabulous actually. Could say whole words well before that milestone was supposed to be conquered.

I'm just trying to make sure he doesn't know it or it might all go to his head, and I wouldn't like him to grow up thinking himself superior. Even though it will be quite obvious to everyone else by then that he really is.Smile

Katiepoes · 14/11/2011 16:12

Ha grandparents. One wiggly move watching Strictly and my Mum has my completely normal toddler dancing at the Bolshoi. She's also 'clearly musical' (i.e slaps a toy piano and sometimes hits the keys) and based on her ability to point at dogs and shout wooowooowoooo is 'very bright'.

happygilmore · 14/11/2011 17:17

My DD is not at all advanced if that helps!

Have seen lots of people like this, friend was moaning the other day that pre-school didn't cater for her intelligent and advanced toddler..

PrincessScrumpy · 14/11/2011 17:23

I mentioned to a friend that dd loves writing her name and is really excited about writing letters and trying to read - I don't think she's advanced it was really just conversation. She's 3.5 and when I say writing I mean it's mostly recognisable but not always. My friend who has a 3yo too said oh well you're teaching her the letters wrong. You need to teach them with the tags on to help when they learn joined up so that's what I'm teaching my ds.

I said that I felt that was wrong as dd won't recognise letters in printed books if she did that and her pen control isn't good enough - I personally think that she can add the tails on later, but my friend said I would be making her be the bottom of the class in September. Hmmm, oh well, I'll keep going with dd at her speed not some book my friend read.

Kladdkaka · 14/11/2011 17:32

My daughter has always been staggeringly advanced in certain areas. It's written all over her records since she was a babe.

She's also always been staggeringly behind in others.

At 18 she can speak 6 languages (that I know of) and knows everything there is to know about the holocaust (and a whole load of other stuff) ... but she doesn't know how to make a friend or hold a conversation.

I'd trade in advanced for average any day of the week.

StealthPenguin · 14/11/2011 17:34

YANBU.

My MIL keeps banging on about how "brilliant" DS is, and how "advanced" he is, and how much of a "genius baby" he is.

FFS, he rolled over. At 3 months. Like he is meant to. Bloody woman.

NotOurRabbit · 14/11/2011 17:42

YANBU.

Don't worry, most DP shut up when DC get to school age and they realise that their little Einstein's are normal (if not a little thick :o)!!

NotOurRabbit · 14/11/2011 17:43

Kladkaka. Your DD sounds like my DH.

:( and :)!

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