To be sick to death of every single person I know describing their toddler as advanced?

[Bethshine82]

Honestly. Everyone I know with small children go on and on and on about how advanced their child is. They can't all be advanced. I was a teacher before being a SAHM and in my years of teaching only met one child that I would consider "advanced." Sure, some were more able than others but by and large they fell under the bracket of what was expected for their age group. What happens to all these advanced two and three year olds?!

I saw a friend yesterday with a ten month old baby and yes, her baby is "advanced." WTF? It was not talking. It was not walking. It was doing what every ten month old baby I've ever seen does. What is advanced in a ten month old baby? For that matter what is advanced in a two or three year old? As far as I can see they all have things they are good at and less good at, just like adults.

It absolutely drives me mad. It's great to be proud of your kid but why is it that most (all my friends it would appear) people don't realise that while you think your own child is brilliant and special to everyone else they're just a regular kid? Argh! I overheard a conversation between two mothers recently and their babies could not have been more than five months old. One was saying "When I went in this morning he was reaching, actually reaching, for his mobile. I couldn't believe it. He's so clever, he's really advanced."

This is what makes me avoid mother and toddler groups. And Babycentre.

AIBU??

Ds rolled over back to front at 10 weeks. He's now 4 and has a phd in rolling over. Dd is not so bright, her special skills seem to involve clinging to my leg and crying

people think dd4 is really advanced.

till i point out she is actually three years old, just very short for her age

hah! My DS1 was the opposite of advanced and didn't talk until he was past 2 due to hearing impairment. Fast forward 4 years and he's doing very well, thanks :o

neither of my DC are advanced in an educatinal way...however my son is very cleaver

my son is 5 and he struggles in school, but get him in the kitchen and he is fantastic same when helping fitting brakes ect on the car.

i belive most children will excell in something

lovingthecoast

Your dd sounds like my friends older child. She also won't accept that she doesn't know everything, that she doesn't know better. She will happily argue the toss with any adult about anything that she deems she is more knowledgeable in - and that is almost everything!

She has often tried to "correct" my dd (same age) on stuff, but she has been wrong in some cases, which leads her to start shouting before an almighty sulk occurs.

Unfortunately for her, it seems that, at home at least, she is allowed to believe she is always right & her head is filled with stuff that is well beyond0 her years as her parents believe she can handle it! Truth is, she can't! She may be advanced academically, but I think she is well behind her peers in other areas!

These responses are making me laugh!

Nearly everyone has agreed that the OP is NBU, that children develop at their own pace and excel at some things, not at others - that calling one's child 'advanced' is cringey and probably delusional...

Then gone on to say that at least one of their children is above averagely bright!!!

YANBU

My DS is ahead in some areas (number and letter recognition) but slightly delayed in other areas (was a late walker, late to potty train) and the same as everyone else his age in others.

As long as he's happy, I'm happy. I just prefer to focus on the things he can do rather than the things he can't.

This thread is comedy genius.

OP - are you sure you haven't just set everyone up for some sort of piss-take news feature?!

I have NEVER heard anyone describe their own child as advanced. Where do you meet these social mishaps?

Oh no, wait, there was one woman and we all thought she was hilarious and took the piss royally. He was so advanced that aged 4 he didn't enjoy cartoons because it irritated him to know there were jokes going over his head for the benefit of the adults.

Same child, aged 3, ran into a busy road. I shouted at him to stop and his mother apologised to him, explaining that other mummies find it difficult to understand that he knows how to cross roads and understands traffic, because most 3 yr olds don't.

Arf.

Neither of my kids are advanced thank goodness, I find an average 4 and 1 year old hard enough to deal with, questions about quantum physics might tip me over the edge!

I agree with butheneverdid - the whole child development thing is so fascinating that it amazes people how these people who were little smudges five minutes ago are now opinionated weapons of mass destruction who say 'I do it!' whenever you're in a hurry.

All competitive parenting is annoying though. I think my DD is pretty smart (of course) but I'm not rushing to put her on the G&T register because she can sing most of 'the wheels on the bus', and the 'my two month old blinked, he's so ahead of yours' is worth a snigger and a 'wait till he gets to school...' However, I do admire my DD and all 18 month olds for picking up a language so quickly. I'd be getting a lot more frustrated if I were stranded in Siberia and had to somehow communicate that I couldn't find my shoes, was dying for the loo and quite fancied a biscuit.

Everyone else tells me DD1 is "advanced"!!!

I'm well aware of this and I know her language/vocab is well beyond her years but I don't go around commenting on it - in fact I feel a little uncomfortable when people mention it, and invariably people I hardly know will feel the need to comment - as if I'm ment to swell with pride because she is somehow 'ahead'. I swell with pride because she is amazing and funny, not because she does stuff 'early'. As far as I can see, she is developing at her own pace, and in that respect is the same as every other child.

People love labels - and love applying them to kids too - I think that is why they feel the need to comment. A head teacher friend has credited DP & I as her parents with lots to do with her development (which astonishes him), but I think she'd be amazing regardless of us. We're not pushy parents - quite laidback really, though supportive.

I'm amazed at how many people have made comments like we'd be doing DD wrong unless we send our "advanced" child to private school! I have a special WTF face for those comments.

Slinking - I don't think anyone else gets the joke...hilarious!!!!

differentnameforthis, thanks and I wish it was just a case of her not accepting that she doesn't know everything in the way you mean. What I mean is that she will not accept that she doesn't know as much about physics as say, an Alevel physics student and she will ask and ask and ask unbtil you explain what you can and she retains what she can but her brain capacity isnt up to her intellect if that makes sense so she may only understand part of it and this sends her into a major meltdown.

She is angry at herself all the time because she doesn't know literally everything there is to know. Does that make sense? I know it sounds ridiculous but it's how she's been since she was a baby. At 2yrs, she would get angry if she came across a word she couldn't read-that sort of thing.

Neither us nor her highly selective academic school know how to tackle it all. Her naughtiness has at least improved a little but not her frustration and anger. We've seen numerous 'professionals' and are really at a loss. It breaks my heart which is why I keep saying on here that being truly gifted isn't something to boast about but rather a terrible hinderance.

YANBU, recently my closest friend described her 1 WEEK OLD! baby as advanced and obviously there's nothing you can say to this, it was hideously difficult not to explode with snorts of derision

prunella that is deluded in the extreme. I hope the baby was reciting Shakespeare and playing Beethoven on the piano at the very least.

Worrying.

My DD started walking at 10 months. Does that make her advanced? She's 4 now and she can run.

It's a bit sad if people can't be proud of their children's acheivments /advancedness - (I know probably not a word but..)

My friends daughter was placed on the gifted & talented register for reading at the age of 5 and is being monitored for her writing. My friend didn't feel she could discuss it at the school gates because of jealousy etc.. I think it's sad that she didn't feel she could shout it from the roof tops.

I'm much more thick skinned than that and would shout it from the roof tops, alas, I believe my children are bright little buttons but in no way advanced.

how refreshing to hear from a teacher on this. it really irritates me too. I have a child who is very young (August) in her year and some of the older ones seem to be getting praise for going stuff that is what they should be expected to be doing. One who is nearly a year older than mine got 'pupil of the year'. seems unfair somehow as they all are developing. can't wait for it to even out.
my DD (5) has always been shy in front of strangers and would not 'perform' when asked. I like this but it led to people saying 'Oh is she not (blah blah) yet'.
Those 'advanced' children from baby group seem to have problems concentrating now.

ninjamom I always think the school intake should be staggered. A year is a huge difference at that age and some children just aren't ready for full time school or get discouraged because they aren't able to do some of the things the older children can. In my class I had one boy with a 31st august birthday and one with a 1st sept birthday. There was an entire year between them but they were in the same class. The younger one got very discouraged quite often that he was developmentally behind some of the others. I used to feel bad for him.

I must say I have never come across someone saying this sort of thing and it would be beyond annoying! I do think that parents do all secretly think their offspring are amazing but try to temper that in public. As you must. I think you would have to have very little self-awareness to not realise how it sounds to other people.

thanks. I try to keep a cool head about it all - I went to school at a late age (6) for various reasons and I ended up at the top end of the class in terms of reading and writing. I have the most normal parents and was never hothoused/tutored and did more than fine. But seeing the grasping, boasting parenting all around me, I am finding it hard to not get annoyed. I have come off facebook because some of the mothers are so unbearable about academic stuff (we are talking under 6s here so I'm at a loss to see what exactly they are so excited about).
But maybe I am missing the point and I should just boast away all the time too. And maybe I do and I can't see that? I really I hope I don't. For example, parent's evening. often parents will say wow HOW amazing their kids were. But they never say anything bad. only my real friends confide in me about that. if the little ones get a 'pupil of the week' award, you can bet there is a message on facebook. this happened when they were in reception class. these things are clearly motivational tools and while I am happy to pass on boasts to grandparents/godfathers/mothers etc I would not subject other mothers to it. fyi my DD gets heaps of praise from the teachers and by all accounts is defying her birth place in the year (I blame the parents!).

i think I just boasted

For me I am concerned about whether DS is obviously behind in anything - as this could indicate real problems - eg speech issues may be indicators of dyspraxia or whetever - so if he ahead of milestones etc it is reassuring more than anything. However the reverse isn't true- eg being able to walk early says absolutely nothing about future olympic sprinting potential.

More seriously I think labelling a child as gifted etc can eb dangerous as they may have specific gifts and weaknesses and you should focus on both. I know people who were very bright children/very academic and this didn't carry through as adults- it was just a timing thing