Excluded from Husbands Family Celebration Trip to New York

[FanjoTootie]

So, DH just came in and told me that he is to go off to New York with his family for a week celebrating Mothers 60s BDay. It appears to be an exclusive event and neither my daughter or myself (15months now - 19month at the time) are not invited.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable to be a bit miffed? Obviously there is a hint of jealousy in mixed in to things - but more that anything I'm feeling pretty hurt.

Am I being unreasonable or should I just suck it up?

Um, where's the money coming from?
And when is the trip?
And who else is going?

I think it is understandable that you are upset.

Have you told your DH how you feel?

I would be livid

Depends who else is going really. If it is just immediate family and no other in-laws then its a shame, but not personal.

Depends...are other spouses going?

Well... my family would never attempt to exclude in laws from any event. I would be pissed off if it was me.

If there are other spouses, YADNBU and I would be really upset too.

Although, if it is just a direct family thing, then that is fair enough, plus, it's not really worth paying for a 19 month old baby to come when she won't remember any of it! (That is of course, if the airline charges for 19mo babies?)

So?
Would you really want to be in New York with a 19 month old baby celebrating a 60th birthday? It would be a family holiday then, where his mum would not really get to spend time with her son and husband, because they would have to work their schedule around a toddler instead. I imagine they want shopping, museums, fine dining. I would not mind.

livid.

I'd be upset if dh's family did this - but they wouldn't.

Who else is invited?

You could be invited and decline to go. But otherwise shake a rake livid.

He would not be going!

YANBU, you are still family, and her daughter in law! Are the other DIL/SIL going? If they have not been invited too than I would not worry too much, if they have than yes I would be absoultely livid.

YANBU. I'd be hopping for so many reasons I don't even know where to begin.

Why livid?

If they were going to Costa Del Sol to lay on the beach, and do stuff that toddlers also could easily do, but New York?

I dont get why people would be angry and try and stop a partner from going abroad with their parents to celebrate a pretty major birthday.

Thanks NannyOgg (BTW - how is Greebo?!)

All good questions:

His family is going to pay for him. I've got enough money to finance going over there too.

So far just a bit of low grade huff action - tried to tell him how I felt but that didn't go so well.

Has one other sibling and her boyfriend isn't coming - I imagine he's not been invited.

you are his family. If he is going with his family then he is going with you.

I wouldnt fancy it with a toddler, if Im honest. I guess the question is, are other partners going? could you leave your little one with your family for afew days, and, who is paying for it? I love New York but, its not a relaxing holiday. They will be on the go from morning til night.

You are married to him, you are now part of his family so it was very rude of you not to get an invite tbh. I would not stop him going but I would be very hurt and upset with his family.

My reaction if my husband TOLD me he was going somewhere would be 'Oh you are, are you? I'll help you pack the kids clothes then'... if either of us want time to do something like that we ask each other, not tell. I'd be miffed at not being included, but also relieved because if my MIL was having a trip like that I would get dragged around every art gallery in town. Can you plan a stay with your family at that time?

YABU then.

If your mum offered to take just you somewhere for her birthday, how would you expect your husband to feel.

I think if you pay your own way, and force yourself onto the trip, that might make the other siblings partner feel left out too, and as others have said, its for his mothers birthday, not a family holiday.

I would let it go, but insist that you have a nice family holiday later in the year for the three of you.

The parents probably want a special treat for Mum. She is 60. It might be her dream to experience New York with her husband and adult children.

Not her husband, adult children, their partners and their children. She would not be Center of attention and get the holiday of her dreams if she has to suffer toddler tantrums at the Guggenheim rather than fine art.

Why are you upset?

AT least you could decline the invite, that is not a trip I would do with two young children, but the principle that they did not invite you is not on.