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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can't believe I'm reacting this way! I hardly ever cry! :(

215 replies

imsosad · 07/11/2011 17:51

This is a real AIBU, I really don't know if I am or not.

So I'm sat here crying. Not sobbing, but tears rolling down my face as I go about my day. What you need to know is that I hardly ever cry and am not at all emotional. I feel hurt....a lot more than I'd have expected for me.

I guess I'd start with telling you all that I thought my DH forgot our anniversary. He normally has flashes of thoughtfulness and can be quite romantic when he wants to be. Everyone who knows us would say what a wonderful husband he is. So I was surprised by that in itself.

It is a milestone anniversary. We promised each other when we got married that if we did nothing else all year long, we'd always make a big deal and have a real celebration on our anniversary - and we always have, unfailingly, for years. It is always the highlight of my year.

So at first, I thought it was part of a plan for a surprise. He said he was going to a sporting event with a friend of his, which I thought was a cover. Except, he really went. With all his stuff that he needed for it.

Then, I thought he actually forgot. I was really disappointed and hurt, especially as he usually spends weeks planning it. (That's really what always means so much to me, the effort he puts into planning it. He did mention something about starting to plan for it about a month ago, but never said anything after.)

Didn't take long for me to remember though, that we received anniversary cards last week which he opened and commented on. So I texted him and asked if he'd be home for dinner. He responded by telling me that he'd be home somewhere around that time, guess we'll have to go out somewhere for dinner, but it won't be really great as we don't have reservations anywhere.

If you knew my husband, that is Shock!

I have tried to make any number of excuses in my head, but he hasn't been particularly stressed or tired or busy or anything. He just doesn't really seem to care now.

What's driving me a bit mad here is that we've dealt with so many awful things in our (many) years together, and I just "keep calm and carry on" type thing, I don't get upset like I am now. Hurt. And I sort of feel ridiculous. He didn't actually forget. He just doesn't think it's a big deal for some reason this year. :(

It's ok if you all slam me with IABU. Just maybe if you could toss in a line as to why on earth I am so hurt and what to do about it, that would help? :(

OP posts:
imsosad · 07/11/2011 17:52

Oh that is so long! Sorry! Blush

OP posts:
lifechanger · 07/11/2011 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cjbartlett · 07/11/2011 17:54

Could there be a surprise party planned for the weekend?

worraliberty · 07/11/2011 17:54

It all sounds a bit one sided

Why does he have to make the effort?

Perhaps this year he hoped you would?

GuidoFawkestooearlymustdache · 07/11/2011 17:55

OK, you don't think he's forgotten and have been expecting a 'big surprise' all day...

what have YOU done to mark the occassion?

cjbartlett · 07/11/2011 17:56

It's not yet 6pm
I bet he's got something special planned
Although I agree with the others that you could organise something this year. Book somewhere maybe?

JamieComeHome · 07/11/2011 17:57

I wonder if you are worried about what it might mean?
I can see why you'd be upset, angry even. The fact you are so tearful makes me wonder whether you are anxious about something. Have you any other reason to be worried about the relationship?
YANBU - it sounds like you are very confused, given his previous character.

Or maybe he has got something up his sleeve?

imsosad · 07/11/2011 17:57

Unfortunately no, CJ, I'm certain there will be nothing like that.

I definitely do need to talk to him, lifechanger. :(

OP posts:
AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 07/11/2011 17:58

Be pro active - book the two of you in for a dirty weekend somewhere.

grograg · 07/11/2011 17:58

I agree with worraliberty Why did you not plan anything? Why should it always be upto your DH? Confused

imsosad · 07/11/2011 17:59

That's the thing really, Jamie, I have no other reason to be worried about the relationship. Though we've been through a lot, we've always been extremely close and had an excellent marriage. And he loves planning our anniversaries. This absolutely stuns me. But no, I really don't think there is anything up his sleeve.

OP posts:
BluddyMoFo · 07/11/2011 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PosiesOfPoison · 07/11/2011 18:00

Oh for God's sake posters talking about what has the OP done, her DH has been unusual in his behaviour and I think she's reasonble to wonder why,.

ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 07/11/2011 18:00

Maybe he is hoping you will organise something for a change? Or have you already given him a gift?

GuidoFawkestooearlymustdache · 07/11/2011 18:00

i don't get this, you've been together for years, you say you've been through some really hard times but haven't planned a treat together?

JamieComeHome · 07/11/2011 18:01

The thing is - maybe it should not be up to her DH every year, but the fact that he's been happy to do it previously makes it confusing when he suddenly doesn't do anything

BluddyMoFo · 07/11/2011 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imsosad · 07/11/2011 18:01

It's his thing, he always wants to be in charge of planning it, he really enjoys it (or always has).

I do something else special for him to mark each annivesary, kind of a tradition each year, and he has already received it this year. Another reason I should have known that he couldn't have forgotten I guess.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 07/11/2011 18:02

I agree with PosiesofPoison

JamieComeHome · 07/11/2011 18:03

Bluddy - actually I don't agree - it's not very adult to have a tantrum about something

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 07/11/2011 18:05

i'm betting on there being a surprise in store.

unless there is something seriously wrong i dont see how someone who usually plans weeks in advance for your anniversary wouuld just not bother this year. and if there was something sreiously wrong, you would at least have the slightest inkling OP.

imsosad · 07/11/2011 18:05

Oh my goodness, I post too slow!

Yes, per my last post, of course I've already given him his "gift" type thing. This has been our tradition for many years - I do something special for him, and he plans our anniversary celebration. His idea and he has always loved that way.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 07/11/2011 18:05

yes

imsosad · 07/11/2011 18:07

I would think I'd have some idea HeresTheThing. I've certainly had no inkling that anything was wrong at all. Is that what it sounds like to someone unbiased? Like something is wrong and I'm just totally in the dark here?

I'm just floored...but I'm pretty sure there really isn't a surprise in store. :(

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyBabyBelly · 07/11/2011 18:07

Odd - could you just raise it with him? Though that defeats the object I know if that is always his surprise to you