Can't believe I'm reacting this way! I hardly ever cry! :(

[imsosad]

This is a real AIBU, I really don't know if I am or not.

So I'm sat here crying. Not sobbing, but tears rolling down my face as I go about my day. What you need to know is that I hardly ever cry and am not at all emotional. I feel hurt....a lot more than I'd have expected for me.

I guess I'd start with telling you all that I thought my DH forgot our anniversary. He normally has flashes of thoughtfulness and can be quite romantic when he wants to be. Everyone who knows us would say what a wonderful husband he is. So I was surprised by that in itself.

It is a milestone anniversary. We promised each other when we got married that if we did nothing else all year long, we'd always make a big deal and have a real celebration on our anniversary - and we always have, unfailingly, for years. It is always the highlight of my year.

So at first, I thought it was part of a plan for a surprise. He said he was going to a sporting event with a friend of his, which I thought was a cover. Except, he really went. With all his stuff that he needed for it.

Then, I thought he actually forgot. I was really disappointed and hurt, especially as he usually spends weeks planning it. (That's really what always means so much to me, the effort he puts into planning it. He did mention something about starting to plan for it about a month ago, but never said anything after.)

Didn't take long for me to remember though, that we received anniversary cards last week which he opened and commented on. So I texted him and asked if he'd be home for dinner. He responded by telling me that he'd be home somewhere around that time, guess we'll have to go out somewhere for dinner, but it won't be really great as we don't have reservations anywhere.

If you knew my husband, that is !

I have tried to make any number of excuses in my head, but he hasn't been particularly stressed or tired or busy or anything. He just doesn't really seem to care now.

What's driving me a bit mad here is that we've dealt with so many awful things in our (many) years together, and I just "keep calm and carry on" type thing, I don't get upset like I am now. Hurt. And I sort of feel ridiculous. He didn't actually forget. He just doesn't think it's a big deal for some reason this year. :(

It's ok if you all slam me with IABU. Just maybe if you could toss in a line as to why on earth I am so hurt and what to do about it, that would help? :(

I'm betting there was a surprise. I had an ex plan a surprise party for me once, there I was crying that none of my friends would meet up on my birthday and he still didn't crack and tell me what was going on. Some people take it too far!

OP I hope you are okay.

It is a milestone year....I bet he has whisked her away somewhere wonderful.

I'm new to this. How long before we give this up as a pile of poo, or are all the bated-breath good wishes sarcastic

I for one am not being sarcastic in the least!

stupify - People post things then have to attend to their actual real lives :) I'm hoping the OP has been whisked off to a lovely surprise and is having far too much fun to be posting on here. Sadly, the other option is that her DH has landed a bomb on their life and she's in a bit of a state and not wanting to post on here. I assume that sometime over the next day or so she will let us know what happened, but people don't always. It doesn't mean that their post was BS though.

Hm. She doesn't seem emotionally reticent, but what's the best way of following what's happening? Having been on the bad end of something like this I'd like to be able to offer advice?

bluddy, Misery Hag is my middle name!

Come back op.....I hope there was a happy ending

Sorry so late/early.

There was no surprise.

There was a really long talk, which started over dinner and continued once we got home.

It is going to be ok, but it has been a long and difficult night with lots of tears. Ended with hugs though.

DH is really genuinely sorry about the way he approached our anniversary, said he realized when he saw me how he had let me down and feels really badly about it. I guess some of what we've been through these last few years has really taken more of a toll than I'd realized. It's not really "us", but we've been through a lot of seriously difficult stuff. Although I've always thought of us as so strong because we take everything on as a team, it's still tough to cope with one crisis/loss/etc. after the next like we have. If that makes any sense.

I am absolutely exhausted and have to lie down for a bit before the day begins. Will be back later in the morning. Thanks to all who sent me good wishes, really wish I had better news to report back.

It could have been much, much worse. Thank you for coming back to let us know.

My DM always says that she looks at DH and I and wonders. We have never had an 'easy' year since we met. There is always something to cope with. I, like you, feel it makes us strong.

DH and you need to refocus, next year's anniversary will be stellar, perhaps plan to go away together.

Sorry that there was no surprise and that you didn't get the evening you were hoping for.

At least you are talking about things and your DH acknowledged that he messed up. Like you say - it is going to be ok because you are a team and you'll work through it.

Hope that you get some rest and aren't too exhausted in the morning (well the "getting up" bit of the morning rather than now!)

Oh no, I had my fingers crossed for you OP. Sending a hug.

My DH forgot my birthday this year. Literally only realised on te morni g when the kids wished me happy birthday. We had talked about it earlier in the week but he had simply got carried away at work and forgotten.
I was rather upset to say the least. Cried a lot and felt very unloved. He Just had a lot going on at work and finds it impossible to focus on more than one thing at once. I told him that I should be his focus .
Anyway we had a long chat about making sure we had time together and we have just come home from a great weekend away together. It will get better OP. You just need time together.

OP

FWIW, we always used to go away for our anniversaries and make a big deal of them but then hit a few years of pizza and champagne on the sofa. And it was fine. We managed dinner this year, but that was the first time in a while.

Take care.

Aww :(
I was lurking, hoping for something good.
I hope that you two can continue to talk and sort things out. You obviously have a very special relationship, and apparently it's suffered a bit from the tough times you've been through :(
I really feel for you - if you knew in your bones that this wasn't normal behaviour for your DH, it must have been a really scary day :(. Heaven knows what must have been going through your mind. I put myself in your shoes for a minute and broke out in a cold sweat :(
(((((HUGS))))) I hope this doesn't sound trite but hoping tomorrow is a better day.

Big un-MNy hugs, I'm sorry it worked out like that, poor form of your DH to change how you do things without discussing it, but I hope the talking makes a difference.

A week or so ago, I rang my parents up on their anniversary. My Dad answered, I said, "Happy Anniversary", he replied, "That's not yet, oh yes, you're right." Then I spoke to my Mum, said, "Happy Anniversary" again, and told her what my Dad had said, she said, "Oh so it is, I'd forgotten too."

I'm really sorry to hear that, OP.

YYABU

I'm sorry it wasn't the fairytale we all wanted, your gut reaction was obviously right yesterday. I'm glad you talked it through and you both sound really committed to sorting this. Good luck x

Hi-sorry-I really thought he had the big surprise. However it doesn't sound all bad, maybe a long talk is needed and at least he is talking.

Sorry you've had a miserable time, you sound as though you've been through the mill. Hope you can find a way through this.