To want to give birth alone?

[anotheroneintheoven]

I know that without a doubt when the time comes, I will want to hide in away and have full privacy and control over the situation so no one disrupts me from being in my zone.

I did succesfully did this with my last baby. (I have had 3)
And it was the best labour ever. I gave birth with just a Doula who understood how important me being relaxed was for a succesful delivery. When the midwives arrived 20 minutes after the birth, they were so insensitive, having me run around trying to find a hand towel for them.The 20 we already had out had been used, and her majesty, the seasoned 'job done' type midwife wanted to dry her hands after washing them.
The most useful thing they did was pass me a pair of scizzors to cut the cord.

Anyway, I will no doubt oblige to midwives being there next time, 'just in case the baby dies' . The whole world and it's dog will hold me personally responsible, so okay I'll deal with the midwives coming out and only allow them in the room when needed.

Now my main problem is my partner, who certainly does not help at all when a situation arrises, he makes things even more stressful by freaking out.
Him increasing my stress levels is not something I feel is worth risking, as stress does cause delivery complications.

DP feels he has 'the right' to see his child being born and he'll be there whether I like it or not, which really annoyes me.
It's my sodding birth, surely.

If there's one day in womans life where she should have control over the situation, it's when she's giving birth, surely.

AIBU?

YANBU but you need access to medical help should you need it. Quick access. You never know.
Don't think the father has a right to be at the birth. And not very nice or supportive of him to insist, if you prefer him not to be there. You are the one going through all the pain, so you should have the final say.

That's ok then as you are willing to have the mw in at the pushing stage "just incase the baby dies" obviously your maternal instincts are all you are going to need

I think you are extremly offensive, to say something like that even in jest when there is such a high rate if stillbirths in this country.

Your maternal instincts are no better than anyone else's, having a healthy baby is a privalige not a right and no amount of relaxing or banning husbands and mw from the room will garentee that everything will go your way

Your attitude sucks, but I hope everything goes well for you

I think it needs saying that all women are different, some thrive on knowing every bit of technology is around them, others are totally threatened by that in a way which will interfere with their labour and CAUSE problems.
I think women should be able to say "this is what works for me" without censure.
I am not a midwife now but when I was I cam across women with all kinds of fears and feelings. As far as I can see, if the OP feels she will labour better undisturbed then that should be respected and a plan drawn up for labour WITH the OP taking her need into account. That way all the surveillance of her health and that of her baby during labour can be discussed and agreed beforehand along with what possible scenarios might occur.
I honestly do not see the problem here - admittedly have not read the whole thread (am using iPhone app) but what the OP is planning is not unreasonable. It's the OP who will have to give birth and nobody else, she needs to do that in the way she feels most secure.

It's not being unreasonable to WANT to give birth alone, women have all sort of 'wants' during labour (which is why birth plans are there) and as far as possible they should be respected. It is perfectly reasonable to want privacy and peace during labour.

In the OP case she has recognised her wants are not entirely going to be fulfilled and she has said she will have a midwife there, in case the baby dies, which is an abrasive and rather thoughtless wa of putting it but nonetheless shows an acceptance of the risks and the importance of medical help in an emergency.

I can see why she has been abrasive and I hope the thread has been therapeutic in some ways, for her, I think there was an element of acting out and venting in the abrasiveness and the provocative title of the thread was probably born out of exasperation and discontent with her partner and with previous experiences.

Good luck with your labour and much joy in your little one, I hope it works ot for you, OP.

Wow I was looking for some sensible thoughts from intellectual people about this topic and just read a bunch of ignorant sounding comments. It seems like the very people who are accusing OP of being the selfish cow are indeed selfish cows themselves. They are too caught up in their own one track minded way of thinking, instead of being understanding and realizing there is no one right way to do many things... That includes GIVING BIRTH. If you want to be told what to do, maybe you were born in the wrong era... Your senseless way of thinking was over several decades ago. In regards to ANY medical event... (Including BIRTH) the patient has the RIGHT to choose who they want there. Without a healthy and sound mother, there is no baby. Doesn't matter what you say. That can and will never be changed. If the father really cared he would understand that the baby would be healthy and safe if the mother feels at peace during labor, and the father would do anything he could to make sure that happened. If that means he has to sit outside the room until the baby comes out, so be it. Big fucking deal. This is not a fucking show, morons. I agree with you 100% OP... Don't listen to the idiots.

I just feel sorry for your dp, having a baby with such a selfish person.

Enlight It's 2 years ago, so you can hold your horses. The baby's probably toddling around as we speak. WTF did you search to drag this up?!

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

As I've said on a post about home births, having worked on a neonatal unit I would never have a home birth, some of the things we see from home births going wrong are heartbreaking, being calm will not help your baby if I gets stuck and starved of oxygen, or the heart beat decelerates suddenly, Iv seen several home birth babies with brain damage as they have become stuck from being larger than thought, and haven't taken a breath for several minutes, IMO it's not worth the risk but each to their own.
OP, I feel sorry for your DP, I can't imagine not having my partner at the birth, however he behaves, it's his child FFS and something you surely want to share?

I wonder if the op is still being such a pain in the arse 2 years later? I felt rather sorry for her DP from her posts!

yanb remotely u

Oh bollocks I just read all of that what a waste of time!

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE

ZOMBIE

But up until about 50 years ago, no one would have dreamt of letting the father be at the birth - it was most definitely women's business, so why is OP getting so much hostility for wanting the sort of birth women had previously?

Because she was being a complete twat about it.

Next.

I think is a pisstake to only allow the midwives in to pick up the pieces if it goes tits up.

oops i see its zombie now too. sorry.

Don't worry Softly - you weren't the only one! I only just realised it was a zombie thread after I'd finished reading the whole thing...... (must check thread dates next time before I start reading).

Whats a zombie??

Zombie thread = old thread Honeybee. (Check the date of the OP).