To want to give birth alone?

[anotheroneintheoven]

I know that without a doubt when the time comes, I will want to hide in away and have full privacy and control over the situation so no one disrupts me from being in my zone.

I did succesfully did this with my last baby. (I have had 3)
And it was the best labour ever. I gave birth with just a Doula who understood how important me being relaxed was for a succesful delivery. When the midwives arrived 20 minutes after the birth, they were so insensitive, having me run around trying to find a hand towel for them.The 20 we already had out had been used, and her majesty, the seasoned 'job done' type midwife wanted to dry her hands after washing them.
The most useful thing they did was pass me a pair of scizzors to cut the cord.

Anyway, I will no doubt oblige to midwives being there next time, 'just in case the baby dies' . The whole world and it's dog will hold me personally responsible, so okay I'll deal with the midwives coming out and only allow them in the room when needed.

Now my main problem is my partner, who certainly does not help at all when a situation arrises, he makes things even more stressful by freaking out.
Him increasing my stress levels is not something I feel is worth risking, as stress does cause delivery complications.

DP feels he has 'the right' to see his child being born and he'll be there whether I like it or not, which really annoyes me.
It's my sodding birth, surely.

If there's one day in womans life where she should have control over the situation, it's when she's giving birth, surely.

AIBU?

I didnt say it was a case of ownership, another poster made that ridiculous comment

juule her attitude would to my mind do a great diservice to all the work that went to put these choices in place. She is excluding the great security net of good maternal care that exists in the country as a fucking inconvenience to her and her perceived "rights". She has rights because they were hard won, not because she is some warrior in the women's rights over their bodies. Her pathetic squeaks of irritation simply give me the dry boak. She has not a bloody clue, she uses terms and phrases gleaned from the back of magazines without understanding what underpins them and what brought them about. There is nothing more annoying than a misinformed jumped up twat who thinks that cos she is hormonal its all ok.
And another thing, she sounds like she treats her husband like a sperm donor.
So there
And cow having an assisted breech delivery looks like this

Juuule, not availing yourself of modern medicine when thousands of women die in childbirth every year because they don't have access to it is not really valid, when you're selfishly putting your unborn baby's life at risk so YOU can get 'in the zone' because it's 'your sodding birth'. Choices are sometimes stupid and idiotic, they are not always valid unfortunately.

Again well said lolaflores, something about all this makes me heave too.

lovin ya right back over there badmamatobe. I have much difficulty with this. My first was born in Spain. Oh dearie me. No frills meant no frills. No pain reliefe for any fucker. Everyone got an episiotomy (?) no home birth, no health visitor, no Boots baby pack. No fucking nothing lads, you were there, there were there, every man for himself. Mind you the midwife was superb. She kept saying "just listen to my voice, ignore it all, just listen to my voice". Then she went and cut my fanny for no obvious reason

But lola if an episiotomy for everyone was Spain's idea of modern medicine available for all why weren't you grateful for it? How is you thinking that is unecessary any different to op thinking having an audience is unecessary?

And badmumtobe being 'in the zone' can help some women a great deal. Why deny them that.

As far as I can see, the op isn't looking for an unassisted birth but is wanting to only have people present who will leave her to herself unless she asks for help.

I could be wrong of course:)

YANBU at all, I think this is entirely your decision. I think you're wise to have a midwife present, just in case anything does suddenly go wrong (with luck she won't need to do much at all, but you never know!) but it's your choice whether you want anyone else there.

I can understand the feeling of not wanting an audience! It's a fairly new fashion for fathers to expect to be present at the birth, and while some women like the support, it's definitely not for everyone. If you think he'd be more hindrance than help, that's your decision to make.

Once the baby is actually born, of course, it's a different matter and the father has just as much right as you to be involved. But he has no rights at all regarding the pregnancy and the birth itself, for better or worse there is no gender equality when it comes to childbirth, that's just biology for you!

the way you talk it sounds like you dont like your partner very much

or your he's mum

I agree, this idea that the father has a right to be there during labour is ridiculous. Does a woman have a right to be in the room during her partners vasectomy? Once a child s born, they are both parents. But nobody has a right to be there when a woman labours!

I can understand the OP wanting to be left aline to give north without stress and she has said she wil have medical people nearby, she just doesn't want an unhelpful person gawping or being unhelpful, fair enough.

Bloody iPad.
Left alone.
Give birth.

Tsk.

juule the episiotemy was that paticular consultants calling card. Nothing to do with a general rule in Spain. the hospital where I gave birth was as hands off as could be short of giving birth behind a thorn bush.
And why is the presence of a midwife seen as an audience, she is there for you and the babies well being. I laboured alone in a room in Spain. I would have been grateful for someone to check on me. A 19 years old girl had been there for nearly 2 days, no pain relief with no one. 19, can you imagine. So freebirthing without any choice sucks too. They wheeled us in to a delivery room when literally push was coming to shove. It was the Ryanair of Maternity care

Napdamnyou how is a midwife unhelpful? Gawping? They are professionals not voyeurs. Her husband? Is he someone she met once?
Methinks OP is a bit of a madam. Never mind too posh to push, so up yourself you think you are the only person allowed in on the moment.

Lola, I suppose it depends on the view of the individual.
My best births were labouring at home and then only going to the hospital when I knew I was in transition.
My last induction, I laboured alone in a room (which was ideal for me) and only notified the m/w when I felt the need to push.

Each to their own, I suppose (including op).

"you think you are the only person allowed in on the moment."

And if that's how op feels most comfortable, why not?

I would advise a m/w nearby, though.

op you are not being unreasonable in not wanting your partner to be there at the birth, but you have come across as aggressive and with a bit of a bad attitude on this thread.

men dont have the right to be at a babies birth, its a fairly recent phenomena that they are there at all and i know of plenty of midwives who say that many women would labour better without them there as often they get in the way or upset the mother to be, make her more anxious etc. some men can be brilliant birth parnters, my own was pretty good, but he knew to LEAVE ME ALONE, not talk to me, etc as i needed to just get on with it.

you need a midwife at a birth and a doula is a nice, essential for some women, but no the father doesnt need to be there, the woman needs someone who she cant trust and rely on, someone she feels comfortable to birth around and in some cases that isnt the father and he doesnt have any rights to be there.

Totally agree. But to dismiss everything else as stuff and nonsense just cos it doesn't suit her, winds me up and obviously alot of other people. I think the scathing tone of her post led to the responses she got. Do what you will, but do not shit all over the work and experience of others who's only job in life is to bring lots of babies safely into this world.

Giving birth is possibly the most momentous, amazing, painful and dangerous tings any woman can ever do. As long as any woman has thought long and hard about the risks involved and has made a well-informed decision to do it in a particular way, I completely support her right to do it any way she sees best fit. If that means excluding the father, so be it. If there is one moment when a woman should have control over her body it is during labour. Men may be 50% responsible for conception and 50% responsible for child-rearing, but labour is 100% the woman's effort.

I agree Sunshine.

You should have told him this before you got pregnant.

Maybe he would have decided he didn't want anymore if he was not going to be allowed at the birth. 3 children and now you decide you don't want him there. I'm sure you knew this before you got pg 8 weeks ago

Lola I have already made potn earlier about medics professionals and so in fact has the OP. My point is about why should any non medical person ...baby's father, woman's mum, best friend, etc, whatever, expect to have a 'right' to be invited along for the labour. They have no right.

Nobody has a right to bein the room when you or I are in pain, staring at our vaginas, stressing us out, if we have not invited them and there is no medical reason for them to be there. The end.

No. Disagree. Guarantee me there will not be a medical reason. Then I shall agree wholeheartedly. Over to you

I wanted to be on my own.
My OH understood
He came in for the actual birth bit but if I hadnt have wanted him there he would have been fine about it.
Because he understood.

My DC5's birth was the best yet. I did have midwives there but they left me alone until I needed them. They were calm and unobtrusive and lovely.

I felt in control and peaceful. I wasnt frightened or panicked.

Medics/medicine/hospitals/equipment are all terrifying to me.

I am not selfish, I made all the arrangements I needed to ensure me and my baby were safe and cared for but I did it on my own terms with the help and support of my MWs and OH.
How can that be a bad thing?

I think it is fantastic when a father can be at the birth and all parties are happy about it. I do not think anyone has a right to be there. No more than a man should be forced to be at the birth if he really doesnt want to be.