To want to give birth alone?

[anotheroneintheoven]

I know that without a doubt when the time comes, I will want to hide in away and have full privacy and control over the situation so no one disrupts me from being in my zone.

I did succesfully did this with my last baby. (I have had 3)
And it was the best labour ever. I gave birth with just a Doula who understood how important me being relaxed was for a succesful delivery. When the midwives arrived 20 minutes after the birth, they were so insensitive, having me run around trying to find a hand towel for them.The 20 we already had out had been used, and her majesty, the seasoned 'job done' type midwife wanted to dry her hands after washing them.
The most useful thing they did was pass me a pair of scizzors to cut the cord.

Anyway, I will no doubt oblige to midwives being there next time, 'just in case the baby dies' . The whole world and it's dog will hold me personally responsible, so okay I'll deal with the midwives coming out and only allow them in the room when needed.

Now my main problem is my partner, who certainly does not help at all when a situation arrises, he makes things even more stressful by freaking out.
Him increasing my stress levels is not something I feel is worth risking, as stress does cause delivery complications.

DP feels he has 'the right' to see his child being born and he'll be there whether I like it or not, which really annoyes me.
It's my sodding birth, surely.

If there's one day in womans life where she should have control over the situation, it's when she's giving birth, surely.

AIBU?

YANBU to not want DH with you

YANBU to want to give birth alone (animals do)

YABU to expect mws to 'pick up the pieces'. If anything did go wrong, your refusal to have them involved beforehand would be something you would need to take full responsibility for, on both yours and your babies behalf

Oh and you would be putting doula at risk of prosecution

That sounds like a reasonable explanation Northernlurker.
However the birth I had at home was the same lengh in time as one in hospital, just so much more pleasant and my pain management was so much better without strangers in and out around me.

The baby dying is highly unlikely (nomore likely with homebirths than in hospital, as there'slife saving treatment in hospital, but the hospital environment tends to cause the need in the first place for those treatments).
I wasreferring to some people who think a tragedy would be the fault of a mother whochose a homebirth,in my OP.
Sorry if I've re-opened scars of women who've lost babies, by saying that.

Whether he is a hindrance or a help, I think he has a right to be there.

What is this intervention during labour that's spoken of? because I didn't recieve any before while midwives were there anyway, just an optional internal examination. Checking the baby'sheartbeat is not the norm for natural births anyway, unless there's prolonged labouring or you've had drugs.

mjlovesscareypants I Hear you loud and clear. My child did not almost die but I nearly did.

Really awful pph, a super rapid birth, and I thank my lucky stars for my caring amazing mw and DH who both knew just how serious it all was. It all changed so suddenly.

Looking back terrifies me too. Like you I would never have a birth with no medical professionals there out of choice.

readinginamazement, you think if a man causes stress which makes labour dangerous it doesnt matter it's his right to be there? What utter bollox, sorry. Get a life

OP - nobody is suggesting you can't have a home birth. What is causing concern is that you don't appear to like or trust your co-parent and you seem to think that you can choose the type of birth you will have simply by force of will. Would that were the case!

nomore likely with homebirths than in hospital, as there'slife saving treatment in hospital, but the hospital environment tends to cause the need in the first place for those treatments

Yes but in the case of the majority of homebirths they still have a midwife there in case there IS a problem.

Honestly, whats the story behind this? This seems beyond normal reasoning of wanting to do it naturally. Its extreme.

OP I understand that sometimes you don't like your DP, especially in the hormonal shit field that is pregnancy. I do think that he wants to be present and do what he can but he doesn't know how. Could you make a list of "jobs" for him so he knows what is expected of him, and make it clear if he's causing you stress then he'll have to wait outside until pushing stage?

It's fine not to want over the top medical intervention, but people have midwives present for a reason. The well being of both you and your baby is reliant on the midwife should anything go wrong. I'm sure you know after having more than one baby that every labour and birth is different and things don't always go to plan. My birth plan went out of the window with DS as soon as I had meconium in my waters!

Maybe write an early birth plan and discuss it with DP?

I really don't remember the baby's heartbeat being checked much at all during labour with my homebirth, possibly once at most, the midwife went out for lunch for a few hours when I was 4 cms dilated.And we were told tocall her when the labour really got going and I was near ready to push.

FoxyRoxy I think you're right, Iwill write abirth plan. I spoke toDP this evening and he seems to be starting to understand how serious it is for me this time, that he be supportive and listen tomy needs if he's there.

And we'll consider having to transfer to hospital. God forbid it, I imagine the journey would cause massive stress. thinks of breathing excersizes

thanks midwivesdeliver, having dp learn about hypnobirthign aswell as me would be brilliant.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit more positive now anotherone labour and birth can be traumatic and if you've had a bad experience in the past it can be difficult to try and avoid it in future. Write a birth plan, discuss it with your DP and midwife and take it from there :)

midwivesdeliver - OK this is going off topic but a quick question. I would like to have another child. Up until the point I bled for my first labour - I had an amazing relaxed birth, I did not practice hypnobirthing but did do yoga, got very relaxed, had music going etc. My DH was amazing as was the MW.

Is there anything I can do to avoid having a pph second time around? I am a bit older now and I remember a consultant saying that look there was no way they could predict that I would tear, bleed again? Can it be just one of those things? I did have a water birth - would there be concerns about me having another waterbirth after my past experience?

I think it's sad that you show so much disrespect for the father of your Baby.

YABU - for your complete refusal to take into consideration the feelings of your DP who is as much a part of the Baby's life as you are.

Iggly had it spot on ... talk about it, explain how you feel and what you would like from him.

Do you suffer from stress? You seem to be abit obsessed with it

Have you ever had your dh do an active birth workshop with you I think it would be very helpful and is very empowering for both of you.I haven't done the hypnotherapy workshop but again your partner is given a very specific role in helping you stay calm and focussed.

I do have to say though you come across as very aggressive in your posts perhaps your issues with your dh are more deep seated than just his role during labour. My dh is pretty useless in
Labour but I couldn't imagine him not being there I have spoken to him about what i'd like him to do though.