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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have told my parents they cannot go away for the w/e next week?

432 replies

bananaistheanswer · 05/11/2011 14:28

because it means I won't have childcare?

Background - I work 3 days, 2 long days (monday/friday) and a normal day on wednesday. My work used to be very flexible and accommodating, and any changes to my work pattern were usually agreed without any problems. Recently, however, there has been a general 'clamp down' on any requests to deviate from the usual work hours/pattern, with similar requests being refused to other colleagues. I am not a favourite employee, to say the least, and really don't need the hassle it will cause me if I go in on monday to say I have to change my working hours to accommodate my DM not being able to collect DD from school on friday. I can't swap my days around as I work from 9-9 on a friday, and don't have anyone who can cover those hours other than my DM. I have no holidays left, and would probably be refused permission to take a holiday given the lack of notice. I'd also happily work one of the 2 days I don't usually, to cover the hours I can't do on a friday (if I worked a normal day on the friday) but this has also recently been refused when previously it was not a problem.

The holiday thing came about as my dad decided he would spirit my mum away for a weekend, since she's now retired and not bound by her work. She worked alternate fridays, and on the days she did work, finished at 1pm so was able to collect DD no problems. She agreed to this to allow me to work my hours as I do now. This set up has been in place since a year past August when DD started school. Mum retired last month.

Now I would be more than happy to take a holiday if I had one, and had sufficient notice to allow me to request the time off so my mum can have a w/e away. The problem is, my dad just 'doesn't get' the fact that I agreed contracted hours with my work based on my mum's agreed help for 1 of my 3 days working. I'm locked into that contract, and have no chance of getting out of it, if this is to become a regular thing (which, given my dad's attitude, I suspect it might). Being regularly put in a tight spot like this fills me with dread, as I don't have enough holidays to allow me to take a friday off every time they do this (14 weeks holidays in school to cover, I get 5 weeks at present, and also have to take time off to cover childminder when she take a hols [she does the monday childcare] so it's a struggle to say the least).

My mum does me a huge favour by picking up DD on fridays, and I don't expect her to never have the chance to do something on a friday if she wants to. But, I can't do 'last minute' getaways in the situation I'm in. I pretty much said as much to my dad last night, and now he's pissed off with me for effectively telling him they can't go away next weekend.

So, AIBU?

(dons hard hat and flame proof all-in-one suit)

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 05/11/2011 14:30

Of course you're being unreasonable.

lockets · 05/11/2011 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 05/11/2011 14:31

Why cant they go away saturday morning

2cats2many · 05/11/2011 14:31

I feel for you, but I expect that you are going to get a pasting from lots of people on here.It'll be something along the lines of: "Why don;t you try looking after your own children?"

NickNacks · 05/11/2011 14:32

Can't you ask the cm to do the Friday too as a one off?

DooinMeCleanin · 05/11/2011 14:32
Biscuit
RealityIsADistantMemory · 05/11/2011 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YesMaam · 05/11/2011 14:32

I'm glad you have your hard hat on and flame proof all-in-one as I'm throwing rocks and petrol bombs.

Sorry but YABVU.

Time to re-think childcare.

motherinferior · 05/11/2011 14:33

Are you a single parent?

And/or what arrangements have you put in place in case your mother is ill?

And if you are a single parent, can't you ask one of your DD's mates' parents if she can go there after school?

Mutt · 05/11/2011 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lockets · 05/11/2011 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/11/2011 14:34

Ooh, difficult one. What arrangements are actually booked for next weekend? Would your parents lose out financially if they cancelled the Friday night, perhaps adding a day on at the end of their break?

Itsjustafleshwound · 05/11/2011 14:34

YABU - sorry ....

DoingTheBestICan · 05/11/2011 14:34

I would look into getting a cm to pick your dd up from school from now on.

I agree with your df that it is now their time to enjoy spur of the moment getaways & it cant be any fun for you worrying if you will have someone to pick up your dd for you.

Could you ask one of the other Mums from school just as a one off & then look into a cm?

annh · 05/11/2011 14:35

Yes, I am afraid YABU. You have been lucky to benefit from your parents being able to provide childcare for so long but your mum has retired now, your parents have no ties and they should be able to, and probably will, want to go away for weekends, days out etc. It's unfortunate that the day they provide care for is a Friday as that is the most likely day (or Monday) that they will be away. Who provides care for your daughter on Mondays, which is also a long day for you? Do you have a partner, isn't this his problem too, rather than your parents?

FabbyChic · 05/11/2011 14:35

phone in sick.

DooinMeCleanin · 05/11/2011 14:35

2cats, not at all. I use family for childare a lot. It's a pain in the fucking arse for me and often leads to time off work without pay, when they go away. But that's my problem not my babysitters. I'd never dream of asking them to stay home. But then I'm not a tosser.

SootySweepandSue · 05/11/2011 14:35

I think you may have to pay for a babysitter or such on that day. I'm sorry your dad doesn't seem to be on the same page as you though. Seems insensitive.

KatieMiddIeton · 05/11/2011 14:35

Can your dd's father not help?

bananaistheanswer · 05/11/2011 14:36

I suggested saturday morning but that would mean my dad taking a holiday which he isn't prepared to do.

OP posts:
HermanMumster · 05/11/2011 14:36

Can dd's dad help? I suspect not.

If you were to agree a swop with a colleague, and take that proposal to your line manager, would it be received any better? He wouldn't have to organise cover for you, you would have done it yourself.

dreamingofsun · 05/11/2011 14:38

childcare is usually the most stressful part of any job. Agree you need to rethink your childcare to something more contractually orientated, eg childminder. In the meantime do you not have any friends who could pick your daughter up from school or maybe one of her friends mothers. you have plenty of days off during the week when you could offer to repay the favour and most working women would be more than happy to have a favour they could call on in future.

KatieMiddIeton · 05/11/2011 14:38

What does your mum think?

And no, you can't tell them but you can ask for more notice for next time.

You should also ask work, try to book a babysitter/arrange a play date/see if the after school club can take your daughter.

AFuckingKnackeredWoman · 05/11/2011 14:38

Grandparents are not free childcare.

They did their time raising you, now its your turn to raise yours. get a cm
Any time they spend with your kids should be appreciated but not expected

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/11/2011 14:40

You are going to get a pasting but YANBU to be pissed off at the short notice. It doesn't matter what your childcare arrangements are, if they change right at the last minute and there's nothing you can do then it's understandable you'd not be pleased. There was a thread yesterday about a school having an extra day at Christmas for the jubilee or something. The OP of that thread thought it was acceptable to be pissed off 2 months in advance so a week is not great.

Don't know what you can do about it, except pull your hard hat down. This lot will see the grandparents angle rather than the short notice angle and gp based childcare is a sin on here.

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