to have told my parents they cannot go away for the w/e next week?

[bananaistheanswer]

because it means I won't have childcare?

Background - I work 3 days, 2 long days (monday/friday) and a normal day on wednesday. My work used to be very flexible and accommodating, and any changes to my work pattern were usually agreed without any problems. Recently, however, there has been a general 'clamp down' on any requests to deviate from the usual work hours/pattern, with similar requests being refused to other colleagues. I am not a favourite employee, to say the least, and really don't need the hassle it will cause me if I go in on monday to say I have to change my working hours to accommodate my DM not being able to collect DD from school on friday. I can't swap my days around as I work from 9-9 on a friday, and don't have anyone who can cover those hours other than my DM. I have no holidays left, and would probably be refused permission to take a holiday given the lack of notice. I'd also happily work one of the 2 days I don't usually, to cover the hours I can't do on a friday (if I worked a normal day on the friday) but this has also recently been refused when previously it was not a problem.

The holiday thing came about as my dad decided he would spirit my mum away for a weekend, since she's now retired and not bound by her work. She worked alternate fridays, and on the days she did work, finished at 1pm so was able to collect DD no problems. She agreed to this to allow me to work my hours as I do now. This set up has been in place since a year past August when DD started school. Mum retired last month.

Now I would be more than happy to take a holiday if I had one, and had sufficient notice to allow me to request the time off so my mum can have a w/e away. The problem is, my dad just 'doesn't get' the fact that I agreed contracted hours with my work based on my mum's agreed help for 1 of my 3 days working. I'm locked into that contract, and have no chance of getting out of it, if this is to become a regular thing (which, given my dad's attitude, I suspect it might). Being regularly put in a tight spot like this fills me with dread, as I don't have enough holidays to allow me to take a friday off every time they do this (14 weeks holidays in school to cover, I get 5 weeks at present, and also have to take time off to cover childminder when she take a hols [she does the monday childcare] so it's a struggle to say the least).

My mum does me a huge favour by picking up DD on fridays, and I don't expect her to never have the chance to do something on a friday if she wants to. But, I can't do 'last minute' getaways in the situation I'm in. I pretty much said as much to my dad last night, and now he's pissed off with me for effectively telling him they can't go away next weekend.

So, AIBU?

(dons hard hat and flame proof all-in-one suit)

I don't understand why this is such a big deal. Have her go to a friend's house for tea, and if the friend's mum doesn't want to have a sleepover, get a babysitter for the remaining hours. This is NOT that difficult; she is not a newborn. Ask around and find a reliable teenager.

Banana - what about the playdate / sleepover option people keep suggesting?

Op hasn't even ASKED at work

YABVU

Well said SPB

YANBU for being upset

YABU for not having a backup plan. Sooner or later one of your parents will fall ill and you will have to do something

I say this as someone who gets 2 days a week childcare from my MIL, for which we are extremely grateful. But she has a sick mother, and she and FIL like to go away sometimes, so I am always prepared to have to rearrange things.

I think you need to arrange either a good backup, or get a childminder/nanny share who's willing to do the late nights.

Kayano, never worked a job like that then? I have had times where I wouldn't dare ask for leave or for any flexibility for fear of my job. If you've never had that, count yourself lucky

Having read all these posts again and wondered why your father, who knew that your mother babysat on Fridays, would organise something for a Friday made me think a bit more.

Do they do anything else for you? Have their lives been dominated restricted by what they have been doing for you? If so, this could be your father's way of telling you something.

i don't usually jump on childcare/gp threads but your post has shocked me.

what a tight-fisted, self-absorbed, entitled daughter you are. think about the message you are giving to your children.

i am amazed.

Where are they going OP? Any chance they could take her too and you could pick her up after work - bundle her into the car asleep? Obviously that only works if they're going somewhere fairly local and not ideal, but a compromise

I'd be annoyed too. Luckily my mum plans her holidays weeks / months in advance. She knows I'd be stuffed if she just took off at short notice.

yes, or a babysitter you trust with your house key?

x-post

Okay I see you have some backup plans, but nothing for Friday on short notice. But if your mum were to fall ill it would be on short notice, so you need to find a plug for this gap anyway.

Mine too meglet. I have had some flexibility (soon to change) which meant they could, e.g. need me home early, or take the DCs back to theirs and I'd pick them up after work. They have never let me down and for that I am eternally grateful

While I can completely understand your frustration, and the fact that this puts you in a very awkward position, I can't help but feel your tone to be self important and entitled.
You seem to think your parents should put your wishes and needs before their own. They are not staff, so quit regarding them as such.

You'll have to either pull a sickie or sort out something else. You certainly can't demand that they drop their plans to suit you.

Shriek - I have worked a job like that but I would always at least ASK at
Work and then reacting accordingly to their decision rather than just say 'I can't be hassled to ask work' and then tell my dad he can't take my mother away.

Even if work is bad the mostthey can do is say no to her asking...

And THEN I might have spoken to my dad/ parents about it... Not just say no without even exploring all options

Yanbu, they are pulling out at short notice and leaving you high and dry.

Yabu not to have any back-up plan in place though. The day was bound to come when you'd need it. Tbh I think I'd be looking for a different long term solution to this that didn't involve the gp's all the time.

I'm not sure why you're getting such a hard time from some posters OP.

My mum provides childcare and both my parents realise that their holidays have to be planned and sorted with me in order for the arrangement to work. I'm sure my dad would love to be more spontaneous, but he knows my mum loves looking after my DC and that she would be distraught if I used other childcare rather than my mum.

Some posters seem to think that GP's looking after DC all do it under duress and
that's often not the case.

I'm sorry OP, but I can't really see you have any way around this one (without risking your job), other than your parents not going away. YANBU

No they can say no and then make decisions based on the fact you are workshy and unreliable. I have seen it happen. No idea if it is happening to me.

They are not staff, so quit regarding them as such

But her mother has volunteered her services so, for the purpose of the argument, she has an agreement and is backing out at the last minute. As a PP said, it's only a favour if it actually benefits you. If you're going to piss about at the last minute (I appreciate it's coming from the father), don't bother offering.

OP, I've ummed and aahed quite a bit as I've read your responses, and the conclusion I've come to is that YABU.

Your Dad is fair in thinking that your Mum should be able to have a break from offering you free childcare with a weeks notice. If it was the day before, I'd think that your parents WBU, but a weeks notice should be enough notice for not doing you a favour.

You've tried to say that you have a back up plan, but the truth is you don't. You can't take a days holiday, not because of the notice needed, but because you don't have one left. You can't rearrange hours because your boss has made it clear that covering childcare is not a justifiable reason for doing so (I think that's possibly too harsh, but then I'm not trying to persuade another member of staff to give up their Friday night to cover for you). So, basically what you're saying is that your parents can't have a weekend away until January, because you have no other childcare.

I would be spending the day Tuesday investigating nanny/babysitting agencies, talking to friends about the possibility of occasionally having your DD for a sleepover (if you genuinely have no-one who would do this for you, then please prioritise building a support network, perhaps joining lone parent groups, arranging lots of playdates etc) and getting in touch with your local Childcare Information Service to see if there are any cm in your area that offer overnight care.

It isn't fair for your parents to spend 2 months of the year unable to have a weekend away no that your Mum is retired.

YANBU - your mum is effectively an 'employee' of yours - not in the sense of getting paid etc, but if she has agreed to do childcare every Friday then it is unfair of her or your dad to give no notice to you for them going away. If your mum or dad doesn't have any commitments on the Monday couldn't they postpone going away until Saturday morning?

The word employee to describe the gps is unite frankly a
Piss take no?

fast forward 20 years. The OP's father relies on her to take him places. He has a hospital appointment on Monday morning - too frail for public transport or to drive. The Monday before the OP decides she's going to have a weekend away. But that's OK isn't it? It was a favour she was offering him.

Play dates, tea at a friends house - neither are an option. I don't know any of DD's friends parents well enough to ask them. I have no contact details to find out if that would be possible. I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that either, given that I haven't had more than a passing 'hello' from other parents. My DD goes to after school care on a wednesday - I pay for 5 days, to give me cover in case it's needed. If CM is either late or on holiday. If my mum has plans etc. If I need to change days for hospital appointment/GP/dentist etc. I can't put any other options in place as I simply don't have the cash to do that. I pay my CM and after school care, and my mum helps out 1 day as well. That's 3 options for childcare cover, and usually it's more than enough. It's not enough now because I don't have the time to make it work. My boss has to give plans to his boss, and he gives them to his boss etc. weeks in advance for what they need to do. Me turning up on monday to say I need to juggle things about, at this time of year, won't go down well. We are in the position of getting ready for the holiday period, potentially bad weather preventing people from getting to work etc. and there simply isn't the scope to give me the flexibility to change the days/hours I work with no notice at all. I know that. I haven't asked my work as this was dropped on me last night after I got home from work, and I don't get the chance to ask about this until monday. I know the answer I will get, for the reasons listed above.

I accept it's unreasonable of me to say they shouldn't go away next w/e. Tbh, I didn't actually say that, but in essence that is what I meant when they dropped this on me. I just need notice and all is well. That's all.

I'm sorry I'm not answering people individually, but the thread is moving so fast I can't keep up.

"isn't fair for your parents to spend 2 months of the year unable to have a weekend away no that your Mum is retired."

But that is a decision they have made! If she had volunteered to work in a charity shop would it still be unfair?