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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to have told my parents they cannot go away for the w/e next week?

432 replies

bananaistheanswer · 05/11/2011 14:28

because it means I won't have childcare?

Background - I work 3 days, 2 long days (monday/friday) and a normal day on wednesday. My work used to be very flexible and accommodating, and any changes to my work pattern were usually agreed without any problems. Recently, however, there has been a general 'clamp down' on any requests to deviate from the usual work hours/pattern, with similar requests being refused to other colleagues. I am not a favourite employee, to say the least, and really don't need the hassle it will cause me if I go in on monday to say I have to change my working hours to accommodate my DM not being able to collect DD from school on friday. I can't swap my days around as I work from 9-9 on a friday, and don't have anyone who can cover those hours other than my DM. I have no holidays left, and would probably be refused permission to take a holiday given the lack of notice. I'd also happily work one of the 2 days I don't usually, to cover the hours I can't do on a friday (if I worked a normal day on the friday) but this has also recently been refused when previously it was not a problem.

The holiday thing came about as my dad decided he would spirit my mum away for a weekend, since she's now retired and not bound by her work. She worked alternate fridays, and on the days she did work, finished at 1pm so was able to collect DD no problems. She agreed to this to allow me to work my hours as I do now. This set up has been in place since a year past August when DD started school. Mum retired last month.

Now I would be more than happy to take a holiday if I had one, and had sufficient notice to allow me to request the time off so my mum can have a w/e away. The problem is, my dad just 'doesn't get' the fact that I agreed contracted hours with my work based on my mum's agreed help for 1 of my 3 days working. I'm locked into that contract, and have no chance of getting out of it, if this is to become a regular thing (which, given my dad's attitude, I suspect it might). Being regularly put in a tight spot like this fills me with dread, as I don't have enough holidays to allow me to take a friday off every time they do this (14 weeks holidays in school to cover, I get 5 weeks at present, and also have to take time off to cover childminder when she take a hols [she does the monday childcare] so it's a struggle to say the least).

My mum does me a huge favour by picking up DD on fridays, and I don't expect her to never have the chance to do something on a friday if she wants to. But, I can't do 'last minute' getaways in the situation I'm in. I pretty much said as much to my dad last night, and now he's pissed off with me for effectively telling him they can't go away next weekend.

So, AIBU?

(dons hard hat and flame proof all-in-one suit)

OP posts:
Cersei · 09/11/2011 08:35

I totally understand where you are coming from OP, my work is exactly like yours with regards to holiday, 4 weeks notice to change and it has to suit them before it suits me. If I made a request at this time of year I would be laughed out of the HR office!

HenriettaFarthingay · 09/11/2011 13:02

banana, take it from me you are definitely not spoiled, or anything else anyone has said. You sound pretty much like my own daughter, who appreciates everything I do for her. She knows she can rely on me at a moment's notice (also retired with dh still working) to look after any of her children. I don't do any regular babysitting with any of them at the moment, but I am more than happy to look after any who are sick, to allow her to get to university, and her husband to get to work. As far as I'm concerned, my home is my grandchildren's second home, and they are welcome here any time. Like you, my daughter takes none of this for granted. However, I want to see her make a success of her life (and she has done fabulously well so far!), and see helping out whenever required as part of my role as a parent to her. Apart from that, I adore my grandchildren, and love having them around.

So glad to hear you have things sorted out - I live close to Glasgow and was almost offering myself to pick up your daughter on Friday!

bananaistheanswer · 09/11/2011 21:09

Henrietta, thank you. Your words are very much appreciated. Thanks

OP posts:
Firefly2 · 09/11/2011 21:17

YABVU I can't believe your cheek!! They are your parents and you are lucky they do so much for you as it is :)

Thumbwitch · 09/11/2011 21:23

OH GOD!!! Will people PLEASE let this thread just go - don't reply unless you've read ALL the OP's comments!!

FFS.

bananaistheanswer · 09/11/2011 21:33

Was just about to post the same thumbwitch Grin

IT'S ALL SORTED NOW.

OP posts:
JIRkids · 09/11/2011 21:48

YANBU - parents are meant to be reliable and do what they say they will do!!! Your mum has agreed to this and it seems like your dad likes to sabotage this. It could be because he is still working so doesn't want every weekend of his dictated by childcare arrangements, however he could give you more notice.

My mum used to look after my son on a Monday. She said that if she needed to take holiday etc she would let me know in advance. You would not believe the amount of times she forgot to tell me she couldn't make it until the day before and the amount of days she couldn't manage for really rubbish reasons! I gave up relying on her for anything important.

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