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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister and BIL going away without baby (again) - AIBU or not...?

291 replies

ariadnethethird · 02/11/2011 19:25

I can't work out if I am being a bit silly or not so am biting the bullet and asking the MN jury...

My sister and her boyfriend have a lovely 6 month old son and are off this weekend to Centreparcs, but leaving the baby with his grandmother. This is, that I know of, the fifth time they have left him with someone for the weekend, which considering he is 6 months old, seems a lot to me. When I heard they were off to Centreparcs, which is very child friendly (although I do realise the baby is too young for most of it), I actually felt quite sorry for him. My sister said they 'need a break' as they have both been working long hours (and the baby has been farmed out to various grandparents) and taking the baby wouldn't be very relaxing.
So, is it me being unreasonable to think they are being a bit out of order, or is their behaviour perfectly understandable and normal...?

OP posts:
AnonWasAWoman · 02/11/2011 19:26

What's the problem?

It seems like a lot to me, but I doubt the baby has the slightest idea they're gone, and likely the grandparents are thrilled.

Or is there something more to this you're worried about - you think they're struggling and not admitting it? Or what?

happygilmore · 02/11/2011 19:26

well I don't think I'd do it, but really why do you mind so much? Presumably the grandparents care about and look after the baby well.

squeakytoy · 02/11/2011 19:27

None of your business really... not your child, and they are not asking you to look after him. Grandparents are probably enjoying it.

AnonWasAWoman · 02/11/2011 19:28

(Sorry, words got tangled between brain and page - I'm sure the baby has an idea its parents are gone at the time, but s/he won't remember it and I'm sure by now your sister and BIL know whether or not their baby becomes upset at being left. Some babies don't, do they?)

benandhollyandgaston · 02/11/2011 19:29

It's none of your business.

Privately I would probably be thinking the same as you but I would never say it out loud.

I think your arse will be flamed here.

To summarise, I think YANBU to think it, but YABU to air it in such a bitchy way, or air it at all.

diddl · 02/11/2011 19:30

Well if everybody is happy, it´s up to them-as long as baby is being well looked after.

"(and the baby has been farmed out to various grandparents)"-does it have more than the usual 4?

Balsam · 02/11/2011 19:30

YANBU. I think it's a bit odd. And unfair on the baby - at that age, it's probably a bit scary and bewildering to not have mum or dad at hand for long periods of time, however lovely the grandparents are.

Original poster
ariadnethethird · 02/11/2011 19:31

I suppose I think the 'problem' is that he seems to be left out so they can 'enjoy themselves' and my sister actually said to me the other day that I prob see him more than she does at the moment.
The baby admittedly is a happy little thing, but it seems a lot to have left him with other people at such a young age. I know when he has stayed with my mother she has enjoyed it but is also totally and utterly knackered at the end of it (understandable.)
No, Anon, I don't think they are struggling or anything.

OP posts:
oranges · 02/11/2011 19:31

so they've left a baby with gradnparents around once a month? That seems okay doesn't it? on the high side of normal, but still within the range of normal.

slavetofilofax · 02/11/2011 19:31

I would never have done that and would probably judge if I knew someone else doing it, but ultimately, what they do is up to them and it's no one elses business.

Choufleur · 02/11/2011 19:31

YABU it's nothing to do with you really. Maybe they are struggling and need a break.

It's nice they have someone who is happy to have their DS for them.

NinkyNonker · 02/11/2011 19:32

I wouldn't do it, and may be surprised at someone who did but I wouldn't judge them. I do think you will be flamed here.

mrsrugbydave · 02/11/2011 19:32

I agree with you, though I wouldn't mention it. Though I do wonder why some people have children then get rid of them so often, especially so young.

Witchofthenorth · 02/11/2011 19:32

Yabu.

happygilmore · 02/11/2011 19:33

So, the baby is happy, the parents are happy, and the grandparents are happy to?

beak out.

TandB · 02/11/2011 19:33

A 6 month old staying with grandparents for a weekend isn't exactly child abandonment.

I wouldn't personally have done it regularly at that age but I wouldn't be describing it as "out of order".

happygilmore · 02/11/2011 19:33

*too

ItsGrimUpNorth · 02/11/2011 19:33

It's not something I could do but even if they are bu, what can you do? The child is well cared for. Perhaps they have had a real baby shock and are having trouble adjusting.

If you're really concerned, I'd offer to help out.

HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 02/11/2011 19:34

their behaviour is perfectly understandable and normal. it is none of your business. as for feeling sorry for the baby, do you think he knows that centreparcs is for children? no, most likely getting spoiled by loving grandparents. stop begrudging them a weekend off, it's not a year in australia, it's 2 days. it's a break. parenting can be hard work, tiring and stressfull. i would love a weekend away.

Northernlurker · 02/11/2011 19:34

I get v narked in general when people go on holiday without their kids. Obviously an odd weekend or night here and there is good for all of us. Ditto children staying with grandparents. I agree that 5 occasions in the first 6 months is about 4 too many though.
'They need a break' - bullshit. No they don't. They need to grow up and live with their responsibilities and try involving their child in their leisure time.

DownbytheRiverside · 02/11/2011 19:34

I thought you were going to say that they'd dumped the baby on a doorstep somewhere. Instead of with loving relatives.
You seem to have a very narrow view of what is proper behaviour, which is only acceptable if you limit your narrow-mindedness to you and possibly your children.
Leave your sister and her partner to parent how they choose, it's hardly abusive to let other people care for your child occasionally if they are able and willing to do so.

HildaOgden · 02/11/2011 19:35

I think,that as long as the baby is ok,that you should stay out of it.For all you know,maybe the parents are working on saving their relationship.New baby,tough hours at work,other stresses you might not know about...so unless you really know the full situation,don't offer your opinion (or judgement) to them.

ChippingInAutumnLover · 02/11/2011 19:35

I wouldn't do it myself, but if I was the grandparent I'd be thrilled Grin

The only reason I wouldn't do it, is because I wouldn't want to be apart from the baby, not because I think the baby would be any worse off.

Plenty of parents work away & lots of parents travel for work and leave the baby with a nanny (or grandparent etc).

Why do you object? Do you think your parents are being taken advantage of? Have they complained? Do they/would they not do the same for you? Or do you just think a young baby should be with one of its parents 24/7?

Original poster
ariadnethethird · 02/11/2011 19:35

Diddl yes, he sort of has six grandparents as one set are divorced and are now with other people.

BenandHolly I would not say something to them, its their business etc and not mine, I also don't think I am being especially bitchy by asking people on here Confused

Squeaky me and DH do look after him quite a bit, as it happens, although never overnight.

OP posts:
HeresTheThingBooyhoo · 02/11/2011 19:36

"I know when he has stayed with my mother she has enjoyed it but is also totally and utterly knackered at the end of it (understandable.) "

so you see what your mum is like after 2 days yet still dont understand why they would want a break?

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