Sister and BIL going away without baby (again) - AIBU or not...?

[ariadnethethird]

I can't work out if I am being a bit silly or not so am biting the bullet and asking the MN jury...

My sister and her boyfriend have a lovely 6 month old son and are off this weekend to Centreparcs, but leaving the baby with his grandmother. This is, that I know of, the fifth time they have left him with someone for the weekend, which considering he is 6 months old, seems a lot to me. When I heard they were off to Centreparcs, which is very child friendly (although I do realise the baby is too young for most of it), I actually felt quite sorry for him. My sister said they 'need a break' as they have both been working long hours (and the baby has been farmed out to various grandparents) and taking the baby wouldn't be very relaxing.
So, is it me being unreasonable to think they are being a bit out of order, or is their behaviour perfectly understandable and normal...?

hi i am dv my mum my children,s granmother, has not seen my kids since august 2009, i have not seen my kids since october 2009 which has led me to a break down not that i don,t want to see them i am desprate to haveing a weekend break from your child would be a good thing for both baby and mum/dad they will come back feeling refreshed ,one break in a month is not bad if it was every weekend that would be different.

I think people are missing the point her, I don't think the issue is ft childcare or weekends away, it's the combination of both.

I dont think there is anything wrong with weekends/nights away why the kids stay with gps. Nearly every family I know does this on a regular basis (a ight at least weekly/fortnightly) The only 2 couples I know that dont do this dont get on with their parents and they hate it as they miss out.

I also think that most couples problems dont seem to happen in the couples that have the breaks frequently eg sexual issues, arguments over who does what, extreme tiredness etc. When you are well rested, with couple time etc then it is better for the parents marriage, which is better for the children in the long run imo.

'happy mum, happy baby' is the biggest mound of self-justifying horseshit i've ever come across.

it's not a binary issue.

Totally agree otchayaniye (god that's tricky to write)

Agreed octcha! So true!

There are many ways to raise children. It is ridiculous to sit in judgement on people who don't do it your way. Grow up!

hi catgirl some will say because i am a man to but out i have a nice 17 she went to nersary at 4 weeks i don,t think you,ll be doing a bad thing in fact being a farther myself you will both gain from being a part she will not even know although my nice chucks it in my sisters face sometimes you did not want me at birth i laugh about it she got 12A* wow i say to her look what you have acheaved and where you have been then she soon backs down i was off for 6 months each with my 2 sons which was good, now is the time i want moor time with them they are 9/11 some mothers smother there kids not all! i know one who,s kid slept in there bed till 10y every night if you are going aboard and need a nannyman i am free ha ha.

I think your use of the phrase 'farmed out' to refer to you nephew being cared for grandparents while his parents work, reveals a lot about your values.
If you think that it is unacceptable for both parents to work full time and have a baby then I can see that you probably would not think it was okay for them to go away without the baby (approx.) once a month.

Taking a 'career break' is simply not possible or equitable for a lot of people and I do not doubt that your sister and her boyfriend are tired. Ideally, they would be looking forward to a holiday with the baby but in reality everyone may be better off (and saner!) if they go away without him.

Thanks gooseman

Some couples are strong enough not to falter just cause they don't get regular 'breaks'. DH and I choose not to go away without dd yet, no cracks here.

Some couples like really loud sex which wouldn't work with a child in the room :)

we aren't talking about a child, or a toddler but a newborn. wherever you stand on the spectrum from bf/co-sleeping to rather more 'detached' parenting, i think these parents are selfish and have skewed priorities if they need this much 'me' time on top of all the time already spent away from the baby at work.

you don't go to your grave glad you went to Centreparcs so often, but you might just regret not forming a strong attachment with your newborn baby. those weeks and months fly by and you can't get them back. having a child doesn't mean the end to couple-only time but surely you can put it on the back burner for a time?

Having an overnight break from their baby/children isn't possible for some people, they are tired too and yet their relationships and sanity manages to survive. Certainly, not everyone gets such regular breaks, they are very lucky they have the opportunity to do this. I suspect it's more a case of wanting a break than needing a break tbh.

halcyondays agree. It's a luxury not a right.

I love the way 'none of your business' gets wheeled out as a response to OPs like this, by people who completely fail to see that we might as well close down AIBU if that is how we see things. If the parents are 'entitled' to do what they want then the OP is certainly 'entitled' to speculate about it.

I am at the parents' statement that taking the baby wouldn't be very 'relaxing'. Life with a small child isn't generally! YANBU, OP.