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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to tell DS we won't be celebrating his birthday tomorrow because of his use of the F word?

193 replies

ilovetomandjerry · 30/10/2011 10:32

Birthday tomorrow, but has done an activity yesterday with friends, dinner out and sleepover.

Used the F word this morning when his friends were still here and also found he had used it in writing something not very nice about a boy at school.

So DH and I have told him that tomorrow he will not be getting presents and cards - if he behaves for the week he can have them Fri.

Are we being too harsh?

OP posts:
Ben10WasTheSpawnNowWeLoveLego · 30/10/2011 10:33

You can't take away his birthday Shock. Discipline him fine but not by taking away his birthday.

4madboys · 30/10/2011 10:34

umm sounds harsh to me, how old is he? and what other punishments could you use, for me it would be no tv, wii/ps2 time etc, rather than cancelling his birthday!!

thunderboltsandlightning · 30/10/2011 10:34

That's a horrible thing to do to him.

Find a punishment that is part of normal life, nothing to do with his birthday. Otherwise you're just being spiteful.

How old is he. How did he learn the word?

stripeybumpinthenight · 30/10/2011 10:34

YABU but you've already done it.

Sad
ImperialBlether · 30/10/2011 10:34

How old is he?

I think that's too harsh, withholding his birthday presents.

He was probably showing off when his friends were there. Like it or not, the language used amongst friends is not what you'd want.

Groovee · 30/10/2011 10:35

I don't think that you should take his birthday away. Discipline him by removing a much loved thing. Dd hates having her phone taken away and it hits her harder than shouting or telling off. But I'd never cancel a birthday.

FauxFox · 30/10/2011 10:35

I don't really think the punishment fits the crime, what would you have done if it wasn't his birthday tomorrow? How old is he? He has obviously disappointed/offended you so I would give him the opportunity to make it up to you by doing some chores/good deeds instead and discuss why the language was not appropriate.

altinkum · 30/10/2011 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mimmee · 30/10/2011 10:35

How old is your DS?

Punishment yes, but what you're suggesting is way too harsh.

thunderboltsandlightning · 30/10/2011 10:35

As a matter of interest, if you do something he doesn't like, will you be agreeable for him to withhold a present or card he's got for you for birthday or Christmas.

LadyEvilEyes · 30/10/2011 10:36

That is really, really mean Op. Sad

usualsuspect · 30/10/2011 10:36

YABU and a bit mad tbh

Original poster
ilovetomandjerry · 30/10/2011 10:37

He'll be 11 tomorrow - now I feel really, really Sad

OP posts:
kplondon · 30/10/2011 10:37

Yes.

peeriebear · 30/10/2011 10:37

YABU... It's the sort of thing he'd remember into adulthood, not because it was a just deterrent, but because it was the year you cancelled his birthday!

ilovesprouts · 30/10/2011 10:37

you cant take the childs bday away [hhmm]

usualsuspect · 30/10/2011 10:37

Well so you should

poor kid

JambalayaCodfishDIE · 30/10/2011 10:37

I can fully understand. Last year my daughter did something incredibly naughty the day before her birthday, so we cancelled her party. It was fully deserved.

hairylights · 30/10/2011 10:38

Yabu. That's a way way ott punishment/discipline.

Proudnscary · 30/10/2011 10:38

HOW OLD IS HE?

lollilou · 30/10/2011 10:38

Yes too harsh, his friends were there we all know how silly they can get when around other kids. The writing of the word is a more serious but IMO not enough to cancel his birthday. My DD (12) said "can't be arsed" yesterday I just gave her a gentle telling off mind you her Dad says it all the time!

slapmeonthepatio · 30/10/2011 10:38

That is mean. Surely you have a talk about what's acceptable language and that you don't want to hear that he's been using it and maybe, if you hear him using it, or find out that he has, then you dish out the discipline. He can be certain that he is in your bad books, but I think what you've done, or said you're going to do, is over the top.

HecateGoddessOfTheNight · 30/10/2011 10:38

Don't threaten anything you are not actually prepared to do.

So do you mean it? That's the first question. You should never ever come out with a threat if you know you won't carry it through.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that YANBU. A punishment is supposed to hurt! There is no point doing it otherwise. Saying fuck is bad but writing cruel things about another child really does deserve a huge punishment because that's bullying.

thunderboltsandlightning · 30/10/2011 10:39

Well tell him you've had a rethink and you've realised that you were being unfair to use his birthday as a threat or a punishment, and you've decided to do something different as a punishment instead.

Do you have a problem with discipline with him, because if you do, over the top punishments won't help in the slightest.

usualsuspect · 30/10/2011 10:39

cancelling a birthday is never an ok punishment