... to tell DS we won't be celebrating his birthday tomorrow because of his use of the F word?

[ilovetomandjerry]

Birthday tomorrow, but has done an activity yesterday with friends, dinner out and sleepover.

Used the F word this morning when his friends were still here and also found he had used it in writing something not very nice about a boy at school.

So DH and I have told him that tomorrow he will not be getting presents and cards - if he behaves for the week he can have them Fri.

Are we being too harsh?

Never swear again? Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

I am glad he's having his presents OP.

He will never swear in your earshot again at least

Thanks Tangled - that is how I saw it really but I have to admit there is an element of him being my PFB so my initial decision made me feel really [hsad]

OP i would hide this thread and get on with the rest of your day. We all muddle along trying to bring up our children as best as we can . Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we get it wrong. Tell your son you will love him no matter what but actions do have consequences. Also explain to him that you are only human and sometimes weeks of difficult behaviour can drive the best of us to the end of our ropes.

Thanks Zippa - yes I'm going to hide it now!

Monstrously what can i say, i think she's an angel but her mother tells me otherwise!

IloveT&J what a sweetheart to write you an apology letter. For that alone, i'd say you're doing a great job.

That's great OP hope he learns from it.

My 8 year old called his brother a fing barstard last week, I took away access to pc, wii and playstation and confiscated his ipod touch for three days. I haven't heard it again, and he learned his lesson.
I am not sure what I would do at 11, but I think the punishment would have to be very harsh, especially if he wrote it about another boy which is akin to bullying in my book.

I agree with the other messages - a little too harsh. But don't feel sad, you could explain to him that when you said he wouldn't have his presents etc you were very dissapointed with him for using that language, but now you have had a chance to think you will say that his punishment is something else (no friends over for a week or ban from playstation or something) but make sure he apologises and agrees that his language was unacceptable.

Only going on OP, he will remember this for the rest of hisa life, the day you cancelled his birthday!
Please find someother way or day to punish him, his birthday is HIS day and I think it would be awful for him.

Threaten to tell the boy's parents about the nastiness directed to him by your DS, I'm sure the shame will be enouhg to put him off doing it again

.. I agree a little harsh - a punishment of sorts but not cancelling his birthday...

I admit I did have a little chuckle and totally out of context with your dilemma but I remember (and more importantly my son still remembers) our own little espidode with the "F Word "...

He had apparently heard his teenage brother swearing whilst he was carrying out some kind of difficult task.... from then on everything was - F this - F that - again and again and again until finally my DP flipped and told him that he was NEVER NEVER EVER EVER to use to the "F" word again or there would be really big trouble...

I think that the message got through ..... but at this time he was learning his alphabet - yes you guessed - A B C D E G H ......... It took a long long time to reason and explain to a small toddler that using the F word in the alphabet was fine...

Good Luck...

But it's not a big deal for an 11 to swear - it is unnacceptable and deserving of a punishment - but it's not a big deal, it's normal/usual/expected/rite of passage/testing boundaries stuff.

Oh and if I might quote from a cheesy 80s movie, the name of which eludes me, 'hate and war are bad words, fuck isn't'.

Good post proudnscary

I would punish him if he swears at his siblings or friends but not for one 'fuck'.

I was completely serious that the OP needs to go on a parenting course if she is dishing out cruel, unusual or disportionate punishments. I hope she is dishing out strange punishments because she is at her witts ends and doesn't know what else to do.

If the OP did a parenting course she would learn how to manage difficult behaviour like swearing in a constructive fashion. She would learn EFFECTIVE strageries for coping with poor behaviour.

I am doing a parenting course and in my experience its decent loving parents who choose to do a parenting course. It is parents who want to do the best by their kids. The people doing my parenting course want to learn to be a better parent.

Bad parents don't attend parenting courses.

I'm glad you sorted it out and it was nice of him to write you a letter. FWIW I don't think what you did was awful at all. Some posters on here seem to be overlooking the fact he already has had a birthday party with activity and sleepover etc so he's had his birthday really. Personally I can't be doing with these multiple birthday celebrations- kids I know seem to have a birthday week now not just one day.
If you have been battling with his bad behaviour for months, and he wrote something horrible about another child I might have done something along the same lines as you. It's not as simple as saying fuck.

you cant use a birthday as a punishment, you should have disciplined him then, long drawn out punishments just createv resentment.