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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why people leave their babies to go on holiday

190 replies

poppygolucky · 21/10/2011 21:16

Ok flame me if I'm being judgey mcjudgey pants, but two of my friends have recently left their young babies to go on holiday abroad. In the case of one friend, her DD was just seven weeks old and she went away for 5 nights to Amsterdam.

I know it's none of my business and I wouldn't dream of saying anything in RL, but just wanted to know if other MNetters would find this a bit odd. I don't want to judge them but equally just can't comprehend leaving my baby at that age for that length of time.

I shall don my hard hat and await your replies :)

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 21/10/2011 21:18

I won't flame you. And personally I couldn't do it.

But tbh finding it difficult to comprehend that others feel differently seems odd to me. Why do you believe that they should feel the same as you?

NinkyNonker · 21/10/2011 21:20

I wouldn't, and still wouldn't now at 15 months, but we're all different. A friend will often leave her little one for a fortnight at a time, he is a few months younger than dd. I will admit to being a bit surprised that their automatic reaction in being invited on a family holiday (with us and other young families to a rented cottage) was that they would drop him at the grandparents on the way, especially as the DH only sees him a few days a month. But he is a happy little soul, so different strokes for different folks and all that.

blackeyedsusan · 21/10/2011 21:20

I don' t understand it fully either as I wouldn't, but different people would not understand why I am not so fussed about having a break away from the children. different personalities and all that.

bibbitybobbitybloodyaxe · 21/10/2011 21:21

Well, rather obviously, it is something that some people find perfectly acceptable and even desirable, while others would not choose to do it. I would guess that the ratio would be 80% for 20% against or something similar.

GetOrfMo1Land · 21/10/2011 21:21

I wouldn't do it either, but then again a lot of mothers wouldn't do some of the things I chose to do either.

Just because they go on jollies it doesn't mean they aren't loving mothers.

Alfalpha · 21/10/2011 21:22

YANBU

I can't comprehend that either, especially at 7 weeks old! I find it hard to be away from my dd for one night and she's 15 months.

MsVestibule · 21/10/2011 21:22

That young, definitely not. I just had no desire to leave them, and I think the bonding stage is crucial at that stage. I first left my DD with my parents overnight, while DH and I went to a town about a 20 minute drive away, when she was 7 months old. However, since then, I have left DCs with my parents to go on two holidays - one for a week, and another for 11 days. You would not believe the amount of grief I got from my friends about the latter.

naturalbaby · 21/10/2011 21:23

I don't get it either.
I was reading a thread about holidays the other day where a mum said she went skiiing with her 4yr old and left the baby at home with grandparents. as a family who have been waiting and waiting till our youngest dc is old enough for a family ski holiday i did a big cats bum mouth.

happydotcom · 21/10/2011 21:23

I personally couldn't do it but that's just me.

Original poster
poppygolucky · 21/10/2011 21:24

Fair point Pagwatch, and I honestly don't expect my friends to agree with me on most things. But this is just one of those things I find it hard to get my head around, hence the post.

OP posts:
altinkum · 21/10/2011 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VirtuallyHere · 21/10/2011 21:27

I've never had the choice. My son is 4 now and we've never had a joint night away from him. There is no way I would want an extended period away from him but it would have been nice if we'd been able to have a night.

ThePathanKhansWitch · 21/10/2011 21:28

Bloody hell it took 7 weeks to get out of my PJ's, let alone on a plane.

grumplestilskin · 21/10/2011 21:28

noone is going to force you to do it too if its not something you would get anything out of it so how the heck does it affect you?

unless the babies were being left with insufficient care, that's a different issue

but at the eat/nap/bumchange/eat/nap/bumchange stage it really doesn't matter to them where they are so long as they are warm, with a full tum and clean bum!

YABU, you don't have to join em and they're doing nothing wrong!

RitaMorgan · 21/10/2011 21:29

I wouldn't do it personally, but I understand why people do!

I couldn't have left ds at 7 weeks because he was breastfed, but if bottle fed then it's probably better to leave a baby at 7 weeks than 7 months.

troisgarcons · 21/10/2011 21:29

I don't find it 'odd'. Some people have a marvellous family support network.

Pagwatch · 21/10/2011 21:29

That is fair enough poppy

But if they are your friends, nice people, seemingly loving parents then maybe you just have to shrug. Because otherwise the need to understand and the liklihood that you won't means you will end up judging.

Lives are complicated, relationships are complicated. I try and let people be because I suspect I confuse the hell out of them sometimes and I hope they are not privately judging me.

NinkyNonker · 21/10/2011 21:30

I disagree that babies don't care who is feeding/changing them. At 7 weeks they would rather their parents, imo.

DoMeDon · 21/10/2011 21:30

YANBU- it's odd and selfish.

UnDeadDolly · 21/10/2011 21:31

I don't think I'd even managed a shower at 7weeks. Really don't understand it either op.

Ragwort · 21/10/2011 21:32

I find it hard to understand parents (usually mothers) who will never leave their children - I'm not talking about seven week old babies but parents who have never been apart from a five/six year old for example? Surely its good for children to understand that parents have their own lives to lead and children need to learn to stay with a loving grandparent/relative/friend.

I always ask myself how would my DS cope if I (or both DH and I) died in a car crash/got seriously ill/or just went to hospital ......... I don't want to bring my DS up to be totally dependent on me - I think it is my job to teach him independence.

I take Cubs away to camp and you would be surprised at the angst we get from some parents as their children have never been away from the (usually the children are fine Grin).

jugglingwithpumpkins · 21/10/2011 21:32

Maybe if the baby knew eg. the grandparents very well and I guess was FF it could be more OK. I couldn't and wouldn't leave mine with anyone else overnight for several years - partly as they were stuck to my boob like limpets Grin
My Mum left me with my grandparents when I was about 6 mths old to go on hols with Daddy, and I'm not sure I've quite forgiven her ! I look mega grumpy in the pics ! Hmm

grumplestilskin · 21/10/2011 21:33

well some babies are lucky enough to see more of their aunts/grandmothers than many babies see of their working parent, and all the people I know who've done this have left the babies with immediate maternal family so aunts or grandmother only, I disagree that the baby would prefer to be fed by a parent than an aunt/gran it sees more than one of it's parents sometimes!

OP noones asking you to feel the same way so what's the issue! are they telling you you SHOULD be on holiday too or what? so what if you wouldn't choose it?

squeakyfreakytoy · 21/10/2011 21:34

7 months, fine... 7 weeks no..

I know the baby will not know anything about it, but I cant imagine a mother wanting to leave such a young baby with anyone else.

adamschic · 21/10/2011 21:34

The people who can afford it pay other people to look after their children most of the time. I cannot understand that because I never had that choice. I left mine at aged 7 to go for a few days away and got blasted for it. I really needed the break at the time.

Some people have different ideas on what being a parent entails. Cannot understand the couple leaving their kids with GP's when going on a family holiday I would hate to leave my kids out.