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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand why people leave their babies to go on holiday

190 replies

poppygolucky · 21/10/2011 21:16

Ok flame me if I'm being judgey mcjudgey pants, but two of my friends have recently left their young babies to go on holiday abroad. In the case of one friend, her DD was just seven weeks old and she went away for 5 nights to Amsterdam.

I know it's none of my business and I wouldn't dream of saying anything in RL, but just wanted to know if other MNetters would find this a bit odd. I don't want to judge them but equally just can't comprehend leaving my baby at that age for that length of time.

I shall don my hard hat and await your replies :)

OP posts:
ZZZenAgain · 21/10/2011 21:36

I find it hard to understand. I do definitely understand wanting to have a break but it wouldn't have occurred to me tbh to have left a baby that young for 5 days but then I was also breastfeeding at that stage apart from anything else

Sleeplesssister · 21/10/2011 21:36

Not sure I could do it, DD is 15 months and I have yet to have a night away from her, let alone an extended holiday. But you can go to the other extreme, like my DH, who at my suggestion that we have a date night and go out for a meal while MIL babysits said he would feel "selfish and guilty" at the prospect of leaving DD for an evening... You can't win.

notlettingthefearshow · 21/10/2011 21:37

It does seem surprising to me too - 7 weeks is so young, and 5 days is a long time at that age! I don't go abroad that often so to me if would be the last thing on my mind to go away at that time. But some people's families are very involved from day 1 - mine are not like that - and that makes a big difference.

Anyway I agree I would try not to judge either and accept it as a difference. It's very important that parents support each other - there is far too much judgment for a very tough job!

jugglingwithpumpkins · 21/10/2011 21:38

I think the baby will know about it - anyone with me on that ?

It's not so much that I'd miss them, but I'd be really worried they'd miss me in a very deep way ( but of course unable to express it apart from spending the week bawling Sad )

BoffinMum · 21/10/2011 21:38

I think it's a bit young myself. A night, perhaps, but not that long.

NinkyNonker · 21/10/2011 21:39

Nope, I agree with you Pumpkins.

storminabuttercup · 21/10/2011 21:39

I know someone who did this at three weeks, because the dp was in the forces and going away for three months, I think I was more shocked at the dp, surely he'd want to spend as much time as possible with the newborn before that happened?

I guess everyone's different, my ds has spent the odd night with my mum, he's only one though, I'm not saying I'd never leave him but our family time is precious and we like to spend as much time as a family as possible, but that's just us! We get time alone after seven each night and have support whenever we need a few hours or even a night out!

squeakyfreakytoy · 21/10/2011 21:40

The baby will not know about it. Can you remember being 7 weeks old?

I certainly cant.

I lived in 3 different homes in the first two months of my life.. with 3 different "mothers". birth mother, foster mother, and then my mum. I sure as hell do not, and never have, remembered it.

SinicalSal · 21/10/2011 21:41

I fantasise about leaving mine and going for a blow out in the 'Dam (maaan).
However, in reality it would never work - even our 3 night honeymoon was spent holding hands in candlelit restaurants pining for them.

HairyBeaver · 21/10/2011 21:41

I couldn't when they were that little, but now (they're 6 and 2) I'd give anything for a nice week away where i could spend quality time with DH and sleep and read by the pool in peace

AlbertoFrog · 21/10/2011 21:41

Another one here who just isn't ready ... yet. DS is 11 months and I'm dreading going back to work part time. A good friend regularly leaves her DCs with their grandparents for days/weeks at a time and they are contented little souls but I'm just not ready. Mind you a whole nights sleep would be wonderful :)

wigglesrock · 21/10/2011 21:43

I first left dd1 with my parents when she was 10 months old, I felt fine with it, we were away for a night and yes I was that mad eejit that dashed home at 9am the next morning to see her Blush, my Mum went through me for a shortcut Grin

With dd2 I left her and dd1 with my parents for three nights when she was 15 weeks old and dd1 was 2.5, it was a very last minute trip to somewhere I had always wanted to go.

I am leaving dd3 who will then be 10 months old and the elder two for 2 nights in December. They are with their grandparents, I'm very lucky that they see my parents and my inlaws all the time. Out of us all I'm not sure who is looking forward to the trip more.

Original poster
poppygolucky · 21/10/2011 21:49

I suppose I should just accept we're all different and not pass judgement...although where would AIBU be with that kind of sensible attitude :)

Seriously though, I haven't said anything to either friend and I wouldn't want to make them feel bad. It's just DP and I looked at each other and both immediately said there is no way DD could do that. DD is 4 months old and breastfed, so the longest i've left her for is 2 hours.

Different strokes for different folks though I suppose :)

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 21/10/2011 21:49

TBH at 7 weeks you are still bleeding - I wouldnt see that as much of a 'holiday' - a break maybe, but holiday, no.

Annabel7 · 21/10/2011 21:52

Personally, couldn't have done it at 7 wks but, blimey, now I have a 2.5 yr old and 13 mth old, all I do is dream of going off without them. Wouldn't even need to get off the plane - just to be able to watch a movie, have a glass of wine and no-one be able to reach me, sounds dreamy....

troisgarcons · 21/10/2011 21:52

Not everyone wants to BF and have that ~ sorry ~ millstone round their neck.

Some people just enjoy being sainted martyrs. Some people get on with living atheir lives.

notlettingthefearshow · 21/10/2011 21:55

Agree about breastfeeding. It's perfectly natural to want at least an evening out every so often!

grumplestilskin · 21/10/2011 21:56

some people don't even get through one whole pack of maternity pads.

7 weeks was still early days for me because I was still ill, so hadn't begun to get back to normal yet, but for people who recovered quickly 7 weeks would feel like a different distance from new baby?

JustAnother · 21/10/2011 21:56

some of us are very lucky and have got close family who were very happy to help. I have never had any doubts about leaving DS with my parents when necessary. First time, he was 17 days old and I left him with them for about 6 hours to go to a wedding. After that, he regularly spent the day with them from about 3 months. I know that's not overnight, but what's the difference?

I went back to work when he was 5 months old and DH had him alone overnight very often when I was on business trips. I know many people wouldn't be able to do that, but I felt I could trust my parents and DH to take care of DS as well as I would have done.

Original poster
poppygolucky · 21/10/2011 21:56

Troisgarcons I don't see bfing as a millstone. I enjoy it. And I'm not a martyr as that would imply some kind of suffering on my part. I am getting on with living my life; it just so happens that my baby is now the focus.

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 21/10/2011 21:56

A martyr implies doing something you resent for the greater good, I'm not/wasn't a martyr. I haven't yet felt the need to go away without dd. Now she's a bit older if I/we felt the need to we would.

girliefriend · 21/10/2011 21:57

No 7 weeks is too young, newborn really and a week at that age is a long time.

I went on holiday when my dd was 2 and a half yrs for a week and she went on holiday with her gps. It was a lovely break for us all but I still felt guilty!!!

Pagwatch · 21/10/2011 21:58
Confused

I am not sure I was still bleeding at 7 weeks. Is it compulsory or is my memory failing?

Arachnophobic · 21/10/2011 22:01

This thread has made me chuckle. The other night I posted about my mum who left me at home for two weeks while she went to the middle east. Admittedly I was left with my grandmother (i was 2.5) but people, many of whom were regulars, were universal in saying I was BU to be upset.

Yet lots of people here saying they would struggle to leave their toddlers for one night.

It's a fickle old place, AIBU.

DuelingFanjo · 21/10/2011 22:02

who did they leave them with? I have a friend who went to America leaving her DS with her husband. They (Baby and dad) had a great time as did my friend who continued to express while away, left a huge stock of breastmilk in the freezer and then was able to resume breastfeeding when she got back. Thought the baby was 5 months old.

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