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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sat here crying at the thought of putting my baby in nursery

386 replies

pinkyp · 17/10/2011 11:21

my 2nd ds is 10 months, i've just gone and got myself a good job only problem is they only had full time available. I start next week. I'm sat in floods of tears looking at all the nurerys online - they dont look good enough, cant bare the thought of going to one, no one will be able to look after him like i do. What about when he's being naughty they wont love him they'll dislike him for being naughty.

I feel like running away, tempted to go get in bed and hide. Please help me get a grip.

OP posts:
MotherPanda · 22/10/2011 12:28

you know in the USA the average maternity leave is 6-8 weeks? There children seem to be doing alright...

MotherPanda · 22/10/2011 12:28

sorry, their.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/10/2011 12:29

oh FFS it's a bridgdweller. Trolling is posting stuff just to shit stir and I suspect Jasmine has a few friends around who along with her have made it an art form to piss people off. She aint interested she just wants to wind up.

MotherPanda · 22/10/2011 12:32

ah, I always get drawn in by those...

TheMonster · 22/10/2011 12:36

OP, pull yourself together.

PrincessTamTam · 22/10/2011 12:57

Are you being deliberately obtuse? OF COURSE there are mums who need to go back to work at 12 weeks! You clearly just live in a different world to them. Jeeeeez.Shock

jasminerice · 22/10/2011 13:04

I do not agree that the kids in the US seem to be ok. How can you say that?

ToothbrushThief · 22/10/2011 13:08

Gosh jasmine I think you should run for prime minister. You have loads of useful advice for the parenting issues many families face Hmm

PrincessScrumpy · 22/10/2011 13:13

I hated dd being in nursery - it felt wrong at 12 months (especially as she cried and didn't stop when I left like they say they will). After 4 weeks we changed childcare to a cm - was fab. She had one person caring for her who I liked and trusted, in a comfy home. At nursery she started at 8am so it depended on the staff's rota who I handed her to, with cm I knew who I was handing her to and more importantly dd new too!

dd started nursery at 3 and loves it - completely right for her now.

TandB · 22/10/2011 13:25

Jasmine is clearly either a troll or an utter idiot.

Either way, disengage, people! I don't think the OP is daft enough to listen to her drivel.

MotherPanda · 22/10/2011 13:33

Waves bamboo at a fellow panda

Disengaging. How about we all do what we think is best for our children.

Best of luck OP

DuelingFanjo · 22/10/2011 13:34

My mate went back to work at 12 weeks 21years ago. her daughter is now a healthy happy adult with a full time job and stable relationship with her parents. Jasmine, you may think it's wrong to make general statements about all American children being ok but it's also incorrect to suggest that all children wil be damaged by childcare or that women are selfish for putting kids into childcare between 0 and 12 months.

you are not living in the real world, maybe it's your wealth which prevents you from doing so?

AnnieLobeseder · 22/10/2011 14:31

Loving your work, Jasmine. You're one of the most hilarious posters I've encountered in a long time. 10/10!!!

AnnieLobeseder · 22/10/2011 14:33

(but I can't help wondering what kind of miserable unfulfilled person someone must be to feel the need to find reasons they're a better parent to their children than other people. Personally, unless children are being abused, I really couldn't give a shit about what kind of parent other people are.)

jasminerice · 22/10/2011 16:25

I don't care about the parents. I care about the babies who cannot speak up for themselves and who have no control over who looks after them. I will never be persuaded that a young baby would prefer to be looked after a paid carer than it's own mother.

And I really couldn't care less if I'm perceived as a troll.

And if maternity leave has risen over the years from 12 weeks to 12 months, why do you think that is? Because governments started realising how important it was for a mother to be with her baby in the early years.

jugglingwithpumpkins · 22/10/2011 16:38

Hi pinkyp

Well done for getting your great new job !
I'm waiting to hear about one ATM - wish me luck !

I've also looked after babies in nurseries and know there are lots of people who would do a great job looking after your DS. I'd think about child-minders too as it's all about finding the right person/ people to look after him really.

Good luck in the next week with finding just the right place and people for him.
At 10 months you've been able to give him a great, secure, start in life with lots of love from his Mum. Maybe now it's time for him to start exploring further afield and making new friends too ?! He'll be fine, and good child care providers shouldn't really be thinking of 10 mth olds in terms of being naughty - it's usually more a case of being tired or hungry or possibly just testing those boundaries a bit Wink

TandB · 22/10/2011 16:40

Excellent. Won't someone think of the baaaaaaabies!

I call house on emotional blackmail bingo. What do I win?

[waves back at motherpanda]

callmemrs · 22/10/2011 16:54

I don't think you give a shit about the parents or the babies Jasmine- I think all you care about is sniping at other mums because you're unfulfilled in' some form with your own life.

If maternity leave of 12 weeks was so awful, how come babies left in childcare at that age Turn out fine? I had a longer maternity leave with dc2 because by that time it had increased to 6 months. The only difference between the 3 month and 6 month leave was that 6 months was easier for ME. Made no difference in outcome for the children. In fact the only difference was that at 6 months my child took a little longer to settle in childcare than the 3 month old had. But no difference long term. And actually, if you look at the developmental milestones of the child it's probably far better to start leaving a child at the younger age, as children find it harder to separate at around 12 months. So it could be Argued that while longer ML might be nicer for mum, it's actually not necessarily 'better for the baby

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/10/2011 16:56

Why is it that threads like this tha could offer a rational discussion on the subject always get hijacked by some twat who takes the discussion in ever decreasing ridiculous circles.

callmemrs · 22/10/2011 17:03

Oh and my DH was practically velcroed to his loving but over protective and anxious mum and Was never really left in the care of anyone (other than occasional babysitting by his granny) until he started school at nearly 5 yrs old. He can still recall wailing and having to be peeled off his mother, and he describes himself as generally quite anxious and low in confidence during those first years of school. He was surprised and delighted with how readily our children took playgroups and then school in their stride

Original poster
pinkyp · 22/10/2011 18:31

Wow loads of responses since last time! Give me a few hrs to catch up!

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 22/10/2011 19:04

Oh, please, won't somebody think of the childrenz!!!

Do you include shit mothers in your cosy viewpoint, Jasmine?

And why are fathers so completely irrelevant?

TandB · 22/10/2011 19:12

Annie - we are the shit mothers in her viewpoint. I think she is pretty clear on that!

AnnieLobeseder · 22/10/2011 19:49

Sorry, I should have been more specific, I meant SAHMs who are shot mothers. You know, the ones who chain smoke and swear at their children and think McD is a balanced diet and put Coke on their bottles.

Are even they better mothers than WOHMs?

How about you save your pity, Jasmine, for the millions of children in this world who truly are starving, abused and/or neglected?

BoffinMum · 22/10/2011 19:51

I was a teacher for a long time. At one stage, my daughter attended the same school I worked in, so we were together a great deal more than most families with children of school age.

Whilst in that job I saw all types of children - happy ones, sad ones, confused ones, psychopathic ones, shy ones, friendly ones and so on.

There really seemed to be little correlation between the children's apparent happiness and achievement levels, and whether the mothers were working or not. The correlation seemed to be based on how consistently the children were cared for and whether affection was shown. Dippy mothers who vacillated the whole time about meals, rules and priorities had miserable children. Those mothers who made sure children were well fed, went to bed at a sensible time, had everything they needed for school, who were dropped off and picked up at the right time, and who had childcarers who were involved with the family for years rather than months had much happier children.

Some of the most dysfunctional families I saw had wealthy parents who were often over-parenting, and who apparently came from dysfunctional family backgrounds themselves. With only one exception their mothers did not work, and in the case of the one exception the mother worked three mornings a week. The other group of dysfunctional families were in the process of bitter divorces. The children worst off of all were usually in the care of single fathers, who appeared to have no clue at all how to bring up children in an organised manner.

It made me pause for thought and since then I have always kept an eye out for middle class children in these situations who are effectively suffering neglect.

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