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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sat here crying at the thought of putting my baby in nursery

386 replies

pinkyp · 17/10/2011 11:21

my 2nd ds is 10 months, i've just gone and got myself a good job only problem is they only had full time available. I start next week. I'm sat in floods of tears looking at all the nurerys online - they dont look good enough, cant bare the thought of going to one, no one will be able to look after him like i do. What about when he's being naughty they wont love him they'll dislike him for being naughty.

I feel like running away, tempted to go get in bed and hide. Please help me get a grip.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2011 11:26

Get a grip :) There are some lovely people who work in nurseries who are very attentive and caring. The children love being with other children and being fussed over. Childminders are another option and there are some wonderful people who do that as well. No-one will love your child quite the way you do but neither would they ever take your place....if that's what you're really worried about.

Original poster
pinkyp · 17/10/2011 11:29

i'm so torn, really want this job but i dont want to miss out on anything i'd love to be a sahm but cant afford to at all.

OP posts:
Cassettetapeandpencil · 17/10/2011 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 17/10/2011 11:30

Then unfortunately you have to get a grip Smile

Could you go with a childminder instead? Would that seem nicer?

pudding25 · 17/10/2011 11:30

My DD was in nursery from 10 months. She is now 3.5. She's never been happier! Well looked after and loved. All my friends who have sent their children to daycare have happy, well adjusted children! Don't worry!

Mandyville · 17/10/2011 11:30

It's awful. It will pass. You will start to feel like yourself again extremely quickly. I can't be much more help, I'm afraid, but didn't want you to go unanswered. For what it's worth, the staff at DD's nursery (she's been fulltime since 10 months) seem extremely fond of the kids. They are genuinely interested in their lives and in them as little individuals. I think the fulltimers get a little bit extra in that regard because the staff see them all the time. I also think that the fulltimers come to make up a special little band. DD has become extremely close to the other fulltimers who have travelled through the nursery with her and it's lovely to watch them. Please don't give up before you've started. It will get better.

piprabbit · 17/10/2011 11:31

Congratulations on the new job.
The right nursery can be great.

Now, wipe your eyes and get a grip. You are going to have to get a serious wiggle on if you want to find a nursery with a spare full-time place in under a week, and do some viewings to see if you like the settings.

Good luck - you can do this.

CristinaaarghdellAaarghPizza · 17/10/2011 11:31

Your DS will be fine and cared and looked after. Go and look at some nurseries, go and see a few CMs. A lot of people feel like you do so any place worth its salt should reassure you

OneNerveAndYouAreOnIt · 17/10/2011 11:32

wouldnt be for me, i dont think anyone will care for your child properly except for family. Possibly a couple of hours a day, but no way full time - you may as well stick them in an institution. (and thats pretty well documented :) )

NinkyNonker · 17/10/2011 11:32

Really, it will be fine and of course YANBU. I am a SAHM and even I say you won't miss out on anything vital, there are days I long to be back at work! If I wasn't pregnant I would be looking I think. We are looking to put DD in a nursery or similar for a couple of mornings a week in a few months time and I feel a bit torn and Sad about it, but I know that once she is setted she will love it, as will yours!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2011 11:32

If you can't afford to stay home, you have to find a way to rationalise it. FWIW You won't really miss out on anything. Good nurseries fill you in on every little thing they've done, what they've eaten etc., and the time you do spend together chances are you'll be far more switched on and patient with them than if you're flung together 24/7.

choceyes · 17/10/2011 11:32

I understand how you feel. I have 2 DCs who are both at nursery 3 days a week. WHen I went back to work with my first, I went for 5 days, but shorter days. But missed him so much I ended up dropping days.
You will miss him, but most nursery staff are caring and loving, so they wont' dislike him for being "naughty".

Who is looking after him in the interim? Surely you can't get a nusery place with short notice?

NinkyNonker · 17/10/2011 11:33

And nice one OneNerve, really helpful.

HollyGoHeavily · 17/10/2011 11:33

If you start work next week and haven't sorted out childcare yet then you are making life very difficult for yourself and need to get a move on.

Do you have friends in the area with children in nursery? Can you ask for some recommendations? If not, work out the ones that are most conveniently located for either your home or your place of work and make appointments to go and visit them. The nursery my DDs attends has a piss poor website but is a lovely, fun environment so don't base any decisions on what you find on-line.

And, your baby will be totally fine. Choose a good, responsive, caring, fun nursery and they will be looked after by people who will care for them and won't dislike them for being naughty every now and again, it's what children do.

Good luck

WeeLors · 17/10/2011 11:33

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I applied for a full time job when my DS was about the same age and everytime I looked into childcare I burst into floods of tears. It wasn't that I thought he wouldn't be ok in nursery or that they'd do a bad job, its just that I couldn't get over the fact that I wanted to be his primary carer while he was so young. I didn't get the job in the end so it didn't become an issue but just wanted you to know that you're not silly for feeling this way, its perfectly understandable. (Its weird that there isn't a hug smiley, it would be useful in some situations)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 17/10/2011 11:34

@OneNerveAndYouAreOnit..... Institution? Bit of a nasty old misery-guts aren't you? Hmm

worraliberty · 17/10/2011 11:35

Onenerve Whilst I don't particularly disagree with you, that's just rubbing it in to the OP who has said she can't afford not to work Hmm

Mandyville · 17/10/2011 11:36

ONAYAOI - your smile looks out of place (although I know any reference to Tracks of My Tears is the LAST thing the OP needs right now)... Well documented, perhaps, but mostly by bigotted idiots with chips on their shoulders the size of planets. If you're banging the Oliver-James-in-The-Guardian drum, you should go away and do a little background reading. The science is hardly conclusive (honest, OP) and may well not relate to the experiences our kids are currently having.

choceyes · 17/10/2011 11:36

Totally what Cogito said about you being a better parent when you haven't been with them 24/7. I recently went back to work after 12 months of maternity leave and I feel much more patient and enthusiastic when I have them for those 2 days a week on my own, rather than struggling with them 5 days a week on my own.

DooinMeCleanin · 17/10/2011 11:37

Anecdotal but...

dd1: In nursery f/t from 6 weeks of age while I completed a course. At home full time from 6 months until 18 months while I looked for a job. Back in nursery fulltime from aged 18 months until she started state nursery. She is now working at over year above where she should be. Has a wide range of friends and is very socially able.

dd2: Has never been left in the care of anyone but family until she started state nursery. Is approximately 6 months behind her peers academically. Has poor social awareness and few close friends.

Dd1 loved her first nursery and still talks about it now sometimes. Your baby will be fine.

Institution - Hmm

pinkdelight · 17/10/2011 11:37

"no way full time - you may as well stick them in an institution. (and thats pretty well documented smile )"

what rot. my wonderful CM did a way better job than even I could have done. would say CMs are better for little uns though, so they have a single carer to turn to in a home environment. have you tried meeting some?

MyMelody · 17/10/2011 11:38

no need to keep telling the op to 'get a grip', perfectly natural to be slightly nervous about putting your baby who means the world to you into a nursery for the first time! hes only 10 months old, i think she wanted a bit of sympathy

piprabbit · 17/10/2011 11:39

MyMelody - the Op did ask for help getting a grip. I think everyone is just referring back to her post - not being nasty.

NinkyNonker · 17/10/2011 11:40

But she asked for a grip, people are just using her words. Everyone (bar one) has been very supportive and sympathetic.

Butkin · 17/10/2011 11:41

Our DD went to nursery from 6 months and absolutely loved it. It was a educational one where we got daily reports about how she was doing etc.

She left at 4 to go to Nursery at pre-prep school and by that time she'd also started swimming (the Nursery had an indoor pool) and learning a few words of Spanish.

It was simply marvellous and the girls who looked after her in the day also baby sat for her on the very rare occasions we wanted to go out.

We couldn't praise the nursery enough and DD (now 8) still talks fondly about her time there.

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