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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that partners baby's Mother is getten their baby Christened the weekend were getting Married?

300 replies

19111990 · 06/10/2011 20:21

Well me and my partner are getting married in 5 weeks. His baby mum knows this and decided to do the christing the same weekend.

Her problem is the fact he didnt tell him and she had to find out from someone else, so when she found out about this she decided to do the christening the same weekend. She is doing it out of spite in my opion. another problem is me and her dont get along so we dont speak. The reason he never told him himself is because he dont want to speak to her unless it is to do with the baby.

I am on two minds on putting the wedding back! The poeple i have spoke to about it tell me I shouldnt put it back because that will be giving her what she want's. Ijust dont to be making thing's worst between them two and dont want him missing out on the baby's Christening!

Any advice on what i should do about it please?

OP posts:
SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop · 07/10/2011 17:28

I don't think it's really off actually to say that the OP should cancel the wedding because he got his ex pregnant and the relationship didn't work out. Are you suggesting the OP's DF should have stayed in a doomed relationship for however many years just because there is a baby involved? I don't think it's right to imply that you shouldn't touch anyone with a barge pole who has kids from a previous relationship. He didn't cheat on his ex. That would be more of a red flag for me.

SpectralHarrassmentPandaPop · 07/10/2011 17:29

That should say 'I think'.

Robotindisguise · 07/10/2011 17:38

I agree with those who say you should have a quiet word with the vicar. If I were him or her I'd take a pretty dim view of this.

Reveller · 07/10/2011 19:03

Personally I think having a child pushed into a particular religion is unethical and if neither parent is religious then it is plain weird.

Roseflower · 07/10/2011 19:10

To me the fact neither parent is relgious and has to have the Christening (after 2.5 years!) on the same day just shows pure spite.

Op if your still around then speaking with vicar is excellent- s/he will not go ahead without your DF blessing on that date. However, I still stand by the fact she has no chance of getting that particular date for 5 weeks time anyway.

PrincessFiorimonde · 07/10/2011 22:09

1911, I think you have a difficult choice here, but really, if it was me - I'd just go ahead with the wedding on the original date, as planned. You are very nice to worry about your fiance missing out on his daughter's christening. But it does sound as if his ex is just threatening that the christening will happen on the same day as your wedding. In reality, as other people have said, it's highly unlikely that (with just 5 weeks to go) she will actually be able to arrange this for the same day.

Several people have suggested that you might want to post your problem in the 'Step-parenting' topic rather than in this 'Am I being unreasonable' topic. If you don't know where to find it, it is here: Step-parenting

I wish you all the best. Hope you have a lovely wedding and many, many happy years together.

Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 19:38

Thank you to everyone that has giving advice on here. I have thought what everyone said, she hasnt mentioned the christening the last few days, my partner has mentioned it to her but she changes subjuect. I am carrying on with my wedding and my partners mother is going to ask if she can bring the baby to the registry office closer to the time.

I dont think she will going on with the Christening. I also think that was her last shot of trying to stop the wedding and has failed.

Alot of the comments on here are asking if this is serious or a joke. I dont know anyone in the right frame of mind who would joke about something like this. It is serious and this is my life at the minute.

My daughter will have a great day and she can be the princess she wants to be :)

OP posts:
Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 19:44

Is there chance someone can ttell me how to get to the single partents part please?

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/10/2011 19:48

m.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents - here you go, OP. Have a great wedding, I hope your DSD can be there.

toadoftoadhall · 10/10/2011 19:50

In the box at the right hand side which says mumsnet talk at the top, you can click topics (under discussion of the day). There are millions. One is just about changing bags Hmm.

Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 19:54

Thank you :) and i will have a great wedding thank you

OP posts:
shineynewthings · 10/10/2011 20:08

Why can't people try to understand how exs with their partners children feel? I mean how would YOU feel O.P. if the shoe was on the other foot and you found out not only is the parent of your child getting married but via someone else?

Now I don't think you should cancel your wedding by any means, but I do wish that people in situations like yourself would realise that when you choose a partner who has children you are taking on a sort of family and as a such a big responsibility. It ISN'T, and cannot just be all about the two of you. With this is mind, your partner should have done his utmost to make sure his ex was fully aware of his upcoming marriage ages before anyone else could know, and you should have encouraged him to do so.

Lots of people complain about their ex's children's mother/father and insinuate that they are being difficult bitches/bastards without cause, but I know from personal experience that while it can be true, a lot of the time it's because people just aren't thinking sensitively.

Not saying the ex isn't out of order but hope you try harder to at least negotiate these situations better in the future, which you'll have to if you're getting married. You'll be an official step-parent then.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/10/2011 20:18

Crack on with the wedding. Two year old won't know what a christening is so won't exactly be bothered by father not being there. When kid is old enough to realise it's dad wasn't there it will be old enough to understand the reasons behind this.

Also i doubt the baby mother will go through with it. She's trying to shit you up.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/10/2011 20:20

But your partner needs to communicate with the mother of his child better. It would be a good idea if he rang her now, swallowed his pride and apologised for not being more considerate.

Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 20:32

Yer i do get were use are coming from.

You asked what i would do... I wouldnt care less.

  1. its his life.
  2. its not as if i wouldnt of been told.
  3. my Childs dad is a complete prick.
  4. that day wouldnt be about me and i would let my Daughter go.
But that is just me, not everyone is the same.
OP posts:
earlyriser · 10/10/2011 20:32

Do christenings not usually happen on a Sunday? If you are getting married on the Saturday, is it not possible for your dp to mange both? )apologies if this has already been mentioned!

CoteDAzur · 10/10/2011 20:34

"my Daughter is looking forward to it, she thinks she is going to be a "princess with mummy" :D. "

So your DD will be a princess, and your future husband's DD wasn't even invited to the wedding, because, presumably, you people think she is a baby at 2.5 years of age?

"My family and my partners family will be lossing alot of money too if the wedding gets put back."

Why are both sets of parents paying for your wedding? Why aren't you two paying for it, or having a wedding you can afford?

How old are you?

VivaLeBeaver · 10/10/2011 20:39

She's making a point isn't she.

A point that she feels she ought to be informed about things which will have a major impact on her daughters life. You can disagree with her but it's how she feels and that's up to her. I think most people would agree with her to be honest.

She's making a point that if you piss her off she can make things awkward for her.

So just to keep things sweet whether you agree with her or not it's probably worth bearing this in mind.

Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 20:40

earlyriser - I am getting married on the Sunday.

CoteDAzur - We are paying for it but Our families wanted to help out... were's the problem with that??

My partners Daughter is invited just not able to come because her Mother dont want her their..... Like i said in a earlier post... My partners mother is going to ask partners ex if she can bring her the registray office, The Childs mother wont let her come to the party afterwards.

Doesnt my name give away how old i am?

OP posts:
GalaxyWeaver · 10/10/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VivaLeBeaver · 10/10/2011 20:45

Then the kid's mother is using her child to score points and thats not good. Poor kid, its not going to be nice for her growing up with her parents using her in the middle of their games. Your partner and his ex need to be grown up and sort this out.

Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 20:46

Like i said i can see were use are all coming from when it comes to that. She can make all the point's she wants to now.

I have tried talking to her she dont want to speak to me. Now its down to her and my partner because i cant do much more than what i have tried.

Thing's will calm down in the end. Just the obsticles we got to get threw before we get to that haha

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 10/10/2011 20:53

Good luck with it all, hope it all works out.

Original poster
19111990 · 10/10/2011 20:55

Thank you

OP posts:
LoveInAColdClimate · 10/10/2011 21:10

Cote - don't think it's weird for both families to share in the cost of a wedding. I know lots of people who have done this, especially if it's a traditional wedding with lots of parents' friends invited. We spilt three ways with both sets of parents, both on cost and guest list - it worked well.