Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my DC's are not invited to my brothers wedding

335 replies

Siszilla · 27/09/2011 23:56

yes another childfree wedding thread....
We have attended a few child-free weddings and it was lovely to leave my DCs(4and2) with relatives at home to enjoy them. But, my DB is getting married and as most of his friends are already married with children, inviting all would mean 30+ kids at the wedding, which I do get. So friends babies are invited but not my DC's.

I am the only sibling and we live in London and their wedding is in Devon, so that means 3 days away and childcare needed for duration ( available childcare will more than likely be at the wedding) apart from elderly MIL who I wouldn't dream of leaving my DC's for 3 days with. What do I do, declining an invite is not an option. I have spoken to my DB but he is firm ' i have enough notice to get it sorted!'

OP posts:
worraliberty · 27/09/2011 23:58

Why 3 days?

FlyingPirates · 27/09/2011 23:59

Can you take them with for the trip but get a sitter in the hotel/venue for the day? Try sitters.co.uk for a reliable sitter. Alternatively, investigate hotels that have a sitter service option.

stressheaderic · 28/09/2011 00:00

Don't normally like kids at weddings, but come on, it's your brother...your only sibling no less.... HIBU, and I'd be annoyed.
Why are friends' babies invited?

Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 00:00

You either have someone who you can leave your DC's with or you don't, there isn't an in between.

If you have children and they are not invited then declining is always going to be the only option.

Stand up for yourself and your children, or does he expect you to drop them off at the nearest childrens home on your way to his wedding?

Original poster
Siszilla · 28/09/2011 00:03

Well travel there day/evening before as wedding is at 12 and 5 hr plus journey, plus i need to get there earlier as I am making the cake. Wedding day 2, then they have organised a family lunch the following day and travel back so i guess 2 nights but pretty much 2.5 to 3 days

OP posts:
FlyingPirates · 28/09/2011 00:04

Another alternative is that only you go and DH looks after the children.

I understand that it is frustrating and annoying, but there are ways around it. I would be upset as well, tbh, but I would try and accomodate his wishes.

As I see it you either get a sitter at the hotel/venue
Decline or;
go by yourself.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 28/09/2011 00:05

Practically a sitter at the wedding hotel is a good option. Netmum have childcare boards on their local boards. Lots of childminders and nannies advertise on their who also offer babysitting and it is completely free. I have done this for my sister's wedding where the kids are invited but I want to put them to bed in the evening.

I actually think your brother is being a bit mean though. He could have made an exception for kids of immediate relatives. If you want to say you cannot go because too difficult with the kids you are well within your rights to do this and your brother can't pressure you into going. If you being there meant so much to him he should have made it simple for you to be there.

FlyingPirates · 28/09/2011 00:06

You dont have to go to the family lunch. If you took the children with you and had them sat at venue/hotel would they be allowed to go to the family lunch?

I do think you need to explain to your brother the position he is putting you in, though, and see if he can help you out with a compromise or help with arrangements, or, better yet, let your children come!

worraliberty · 28/09/2011 00:07

Then cut it down to 1.5 days.

Leave early on the morning of the wedding, bringing the cake with you and then travel home the next day, explaining you're short of childcare.

Either that or do as I would do and tell him to grow the fuck up if he wants me there and his cake made....he's going to have to make allowances for his niece/nephew.

Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 00:07

He doesn't have to make an exception, his friends can take their DC's, just not the OP, who is making the wedding cake.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 28/09/2011 00:10

I thought the OP said only small babies of friends were going whereas OP's kids are a little older. It is more feasible to leave a 2 year old than a 2 month old so can see this being OK for friends but do think there should be an exception for immediate family.

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 00:10

YABU - Ther eis enough time to train the kids so that if you leave them at home and eave enough ford out for them surely they can fend for themselves for 3 days.

What?..... Social services.....neglect...... hmmm.

Seriously what does he expect? Its not like a dog that you can book into kennels. When a close family member gets married it is pretty likely that most childcare options will be at the wedding. And when it involves travel it is a whole different ball game asking someone to baby sit for a few hours but 3 days is a bit much.

Original poster
Siszilla · 28/09/2011 00:11

I would be very annoyed cooing over friends babies tbh, my DB loves his nephews and despite the logistical nightmare I am sad that they won't be there to share a family day, as would our parents but his bride does not want children spoiling the event/ service which I can understand.

So I have suggested dc's travel with us and I organise babysitters for service and evening, but allow them to mingle mid proceedings and attend the meal ( which we would pay for) but have been told that it is still adult and babies only.

OP posts:
Mumwithadragontattoo · 28/09/2011 00:13

How about taking your MIL with you and she could babysit during the wedding and making a bit of a break of it?

meditrina · 28/09/2011 00:13

OP said friends are taking babies - maybe the exception is only for (bf?) babes in arms, not self-propelling children.

I'd try to find a sitter at the venue.

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 00:13

If they are not prepared to accept that compromise then they are being childish.

(Psst..... by the way legally a wedding service has to be open to any random member of the public so nothing could stop you taking your children to that bit)

SheCutOffTheirTails · 28/09/2011 00:14

"Well travel there day/evening before as wedding is at 12 and 5 hr plus journey, plus i need to get there earlier as I am making the cake. Wedding day 2, then they have organised a family lunch the following day and travel back so i guess 2 nights but pretty much 2.5 to 3 days"

Well, you won't be able to make his cake or attend his "family" lunch.

TBH if my brother didn't invite his niece and nephew to his wedding I would quite happily not attend myself.

What utterly dickish behaviour.

And for ' i have enough notice to get it sorted!'?!

What an utter cock.

You are a guest who is making his fucking cake and that's how he speaks to you?

Tell him to go and fuck himself.

madhattershouse · 28/09/2011 00:14

Personally I think that close family should be above this no dc's rule, after all someone who could take the kids for 3 days would be a relative therefore not an option as they will also be at the wedding.

Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 00:15

As said you have either got a baby sitter or not, personally i would be telling her she will be wearing the cake before the day was out (or words to that effect).

What you are suggesting is workable.

madhattershouse · 28/09/2011 00:15

Xpost with shecut...I was being polite BUT..What she said..Grin

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 00:16

My parents would have gone ballistic had me or my db tried to pull that stunt on each other.

LittleMissWoodscommaElle · 28/09/2011 00:18

Tell your db to grow a pair and tell bridezilla his close family childrne and all need to be invited to what is a legal PUBLIC declaration of their commimtment to each other.

I really think some people forget what is really important in life.

Too many reallys in that sentence!

SheCutOffTheirTails · 28/09/2011 00:18

Jesus, mine too.

HerdOfTinyElephants · 28/09/2011 00:20

Agree with worraliberty -- if your MIL could take them for one day and night then travel down on the morning of the wedding and back home the next day, skipping the "family" meal. You don't have "plenty of notice" to find someone to look after the DCs for three days, if you don't have family able to take them.

Or as Mumwithadragontattoo says see whether your MIL would be prepared to come with you.

Theeverexpandingrodders · 28/09/2011 00:20

I think you need too tell your brother unfortunately you can't make the wedding or indeed the cake but that its ok as he has a good while too sort it !!