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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want DH to come straight home?

149 replies

MurunBuchstansangur · 27/09/2011 17:15

DH is a primary teacher. He leaves work around 5 to 5.30pm nd has a 45 minute drive.

I am fucked off with having the children all day and doing dinner and bath by myself for him to swan in at bedtime.

He finishes school at half 3, so am AIBU to want him to come straight home to spend some time with the DCs before bed.

This would mean that he has to work later into the evening and he'd probably not finish until 9.30, maybe even 10pm.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 27/09/2011 17:18

I have a DH who's never back before 8 so pretty jealous of your 6pm!

belgo · 27/09/2011 17:18

So he stays at work to actually work? You would rather he brought it home to finish it late into the evening?

YABU. Vert sensible of him to remain in work to actually work, rather then coming home and trying to finish it in the evening and you are both tired and trying to deal with the children.

If you are discontent with your day to day life, then maybe think about changing it, eg. get a job?

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 17:20

You're fucked off with him coming home from work around 6pm? Confused

What time do you send the kids to bed for goodness sake?

hillyhilly · 27/09/2011 17:21

Yabu

slavetofilofax · 27/09/2011 17:22

Would it be possible to come to a compromise? He comes home early one night a week to help you out?

But I do think it is very unfair of you to expect him to be working until 10 at night, when the dc will be in bed asleep and you will have plenty of time to relax while he will still be working.

DeepPurple · 27/09/2011 17:23

I wish my dh was hone by 6pm. Usually back by 8pm but he also works away a lot so I have all week on my own with dd.

Yabu

buzzskillington · 27/09/2011 17:25

YABU.

It's not like he's down the pub pissing it up - he's finishing work so he can spend the evenings with you. Your children must be going to bed pretty early? I don't think you have it too bad, tbh.

If you're unhappy as a sahm, maybe look at putting the children into daycare for an hour or two to get some time for yourself, or think about going back to work part-time/full-time.

crazygracieuk · 27/09/2011 17:26

Yanbu to wish he could get home earlier but I think it's normal for teachers to work until that time so you are unreasonable about that.

eaglewings · 27/09/2011 17:26

Friend who is a single parent of 4 kids works as a teacher and is hardly ever home before half 6.

I think it I'd too late as there is also marking to be done after the kids have gone to bed but that's another argument

verytellytubby · 27/09/2011 17:27

He's back by 6, he gets all the school holidays off and you are moaning [shocked]

How old are your kids? And how many have you got?

maddy68 · 27/09/2011 17:27

hahaha - I am a teacher and I reckon he is coming home quite early!
yABVU

donthateme · 27/09/2011 17:27

You sound like a right charmer. You're 'fucked off with having the kids all day'. He has 30 kids all day in primary school, an hour and half daily commute plus all the planning/ assessment etc....
I wouldn't blame him for wanting to stay out longer if he comes home to your negative attitude

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 27/09/2011 17:28

Yabu.

eurochick · 27/09/2011 17:30

I know a lot of people who do leave early to spend time with the kids and then work in the evening. You have to be quite disciplined though. I don't think you are being entirely unreasonable to ask him to try it but if it doesn't work for him I don't think you can insist.

scarlettsmummy2 · 27/09/2011 17:30

yabu. My husband is never home before seven. That is just the reality of full time work. I am actually impressed your husband stays until that time. Renews my faith in the teaching profession (wink)

scarlettsmummy2 · 27/09/2011 17:30

yabu. My husband is never home before seven. That is just the reality of full time work. I am actually impressed your husband stays until that time. Renews my faith in the teaching profession :)

ujjayi · 27/09/2011 17:31

YABU. He is working. He isn't out drinking or partying or otherwise having a wild and wonderful time whilst you have your nose to the grindstone with the children.

I understand that need for a break and that when you are SAHM that the working partner seems to have the more glamourous and easy life. But OP if you take a deep breath and consider things rationally for a minute, you will see that you both work hard and he is doing you a favour by not bringing his work home with him.

Is there room for compromise? Say, one day a week he comes straight home?

mynewpassion · 27/09/2011 17:31

At least you know you know you are being unreasonable and will be flamed for it.

GypsyMoth · 27/09/2011 17:33

I have 5 dc and I'm a lone parent......i'm fed up of waiting for 'someone' to come home too!

dreamingbohemian · 27/09/2011 17:33

I don't know, if I were in your husband's position, I would be willing to come home earlier a couple nights a week if I knew it would make a big difference to you, and I could see my kids more.

Have you asked him already?

TheOriginalFAB · 27/09/2011 17:36

YANBU. The compromise would for him to come home earlier on 1-2 days as spending time with the kids is as important as you having him there to shoulder the load.

worraliberty · 27/09/2011 17:37

Presumably he gets to see his kids every bedtime, every weekend and throughout at least 12 weeks holidays a year though.

Perhaps the answer here is to send the kids to bed a little later.

PetiteRaleuse · 27/09/2011 17:37

I'd love for DH to be back by 6. I rarely see him before 8. Sometimes it's a lot later.

YABVU.

MmeLindor. · 27/09/2011 17:37

YABU

TheOriginalFAB · 27/09/2011 17:39

maddy68 - are you posting from work or is it a day off for you since you feel the OP's DH was coming home early yet you are posting before half five?

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