to consider speaking to social services, due to concerns for a friend and her DD?

[reallydontknowwhattodo]

I sound totally shit just from the title of this, I know. I don't feel good about even considering it, but I have genuine and serious concerns for the wellbeing of the one-year-old DD of a friend.

First of all, I want to make clear that I have tried everything I consider to be within my power to help this situation myself. I have spent God only knows how many hours trying to cajole my friend into getting help and changing things for her DD, but nothing works. Nothing ever changes for more than a day or so.

She, her DD, and her DD's father live in a house that is (to put it nicely) a great big shithole. The place is absolutely caked in dirt and animal waste, and is rarely, if at all, cleaned. I have tried in the past to clean it myself, but it needs a specialist in there and despite encouragement from several people to hire someone, they never have. This is not a money issue, they could afford to have a proper clean done.

Both mum and dad have terrible personal hygiene. They don't seem at all bothered by this, and my friend seemed to find it amusing that she had worn the same pair of jeans for four months without washing them. They reeked. The DD is always in dirty clothes, always smells bad and is left in dirty nappies way longer than she should be.

I'm afraid to say though, the above is the tip of the iceberg. The DD is rarely cuddled, her dad has very little to do with the care of her, so my friend is for all intents and purposes a single mum, and she has little patience with her DD. She snaps at her, swears at her, and will leave her crying for a long time. She has very irregular mealtimes, and is fed a poor diet. My friend regularly has outbursts relating to threatening suicide and although I don't believe she would ever actually do it, I worry about the mind of someone who would actually threaten this anyway.

I know the above sounds horrible and I feel awful and bad myself that I can't figure out how to help my friend without the assistance of SS, but I'm scared that if I don't, the LO will continue to live how she has for her first year. My friend does not see a HV, and there is no family who are suitable to help them (or in fact to approach about this), as they are either very far away or in the case of the paternal GPs, elderly and disabled (in a way that makes CC impossible).

So AIBU to actually approach SS now? I don't know what else to do.

Wimminsinit the op has called the SS.

Op I have been following the thread and you have been very clear all the way through.

I just did

Have you phoned SS, OP?

Sorry it wasnt clear to me at all. I thought you had just emailed the NSPCC, but if you made the call, great.

If you did, you wouldn't need to ask that question.

Thanks Nessa.

I read the whole thing, I just misunderstood.

FGS.

This is a disturbing thread and I just wanted to ensure you had acted.

If she has rang the NSPCC they WILL have handed the details over to SS. It is what they do.

Really, you have done the right thing, it might not seem like it now but you have. for helping the lo.

Thanks again Nessa. I do feel like I have done the right thing. I won't lie, it's still difficult to think I've reported a friend, but I know it was right to do it. Before there was a child involved, it was her choice to live like that if she wanted to, and someone smelling and having a poorly kept house is not reason enough to end a friendship. It's a whole other situation now there's a baby involved.

Well done for making that call. It's easy for people to say they would, but in real life, it's not easy doing things like this. You did the right thing.

I can only imagine how hard it is to have reported when your friend will be able to work out it is you after you have spent much time and heartache trying to help. I hope SS act appropriately and the parents get their act together and realise they have to change for their DDs sake.

Well done, that can't have been easy, it was the right thing to do though. Fwiw I think you've been clear throughout the thread.

Well done for making the hard decision OP.

I have lurked on this thread from the start but didn't feel I had anything constructive to offer that other posters hadn't already mentioned.

FWIW I think a few posters have got carried away and perhaps deliberately? misread what you have written. I think you are a good friend who found herself an a really horrible and awkward situation that has gradually escalated. I read your posts as saying you'd done your best to help but the situation was getting worse, not better and you had realised you couldn't fix it on your own.

I'm guessing that it's precisely because you don't regularly come across this kind of situation that you didn't know exactly who to contact/what to do because you've never had to do it before? That's how I read it anyway. I'm quite sure in your situation I would be wondering if I should be mentioning it to the GP/HV/some other professional or organisation rather than SS. Thankfully I've never been in that situation and hope I never will be. I'm glad that (at the beginning of the thread anyway) most replies you had were similar and confirmed that your planned action (ie. contact SS) was correct.

It sounds like SS are taking your report seriously (as they should) which is good to hear and certainly reaffirms my belief that SS generally do a good job.

I hope things improve for your friend's DD.

Bit late on the uptake but well done OP for reporting your friend. Her DD will benefit in the long-run. Have some

Well done, OP. I think you have been very clear throughout. These threads often go a bit daft, but don't take it to heart. REally hope all goes well from here.

OP have a clear conscious, you have done what is right, focus on that.

Things will now improve for the child and hopefully your friends, also. I see lots of sucess stories, for the whole family, not just the children.

They will be offered a range of services, including good housekeeping, counselling and positive parenting classes. The child may be offered a nursery place which will include stimulation, the parents will have to engage with services, if they don't then they don't deserve to have her, as tough as that is, being a good parent isn't and cannot be optional, but they will be given a fair chance.

I have just read this thread with tears in my eyes for the DD and for you OP. You have totally IMO done the right thing. You've tried to support your friend and you've kept an eye on the situation. When it's gone too far IYO you've asked advice of others.

Ignore the idiots who feel the need to be rude. Unless anyone's been in your situation they cannot fully understand. It's not easy.

Have

OP you have absolutely done the right thing. What a terrible situation to find yourself in and fwiw I totally ge why you felt the need to post to get your feelings validated before doing something so drastic. Good on you for putting this poor child before anything else.

I hope you feel able to update on how things are going but totally understand if you prefer not to. All the very best xxx

That is good op you have done the right thing, the main thing is the welfare of this child, and if as a result of you phoning SS the friendship dies than so be it.

OP well done , it is hard sometimes to deal with all the emotions making this sort of call entails ,mine included a serious risk of getting my head kicked in ! didnt happen thankfully and as i said the life of the child improved dramatically. At the end of the day you have been the best sort of friend she could ask for , she may well not realise that for a while ,but you have .

Well done, OP.

Well done OP

Well done OP, you've absolutely done the right thing. You've had a rough ride but please do keep us updated. Most people know you've done your best!

Well done OP. If only everyone had your courage.

This thread is sad.

Did ss get back In touch

Any news op?