to consider speaking to social services, due to concerns for a friend and her DD?

[reallydontknowwhattodo]

I sound totally shit just from the title of this, I know. I don't feel good about even considering it, but I have genuine and serious concerns for the wellbeing of the one-year-old DD of a friend.

First of all, I want to make clear that I have tried everything I consider to be within my power to help this situation myself. I have spent God only knows how many hours trying to cajole my friend into getting help and changing things for her DD, but nothing works. Nothing ever changes for more than a day or so.

She, her DD, and her DD's father live in a house that is (to put it nicely) a great big shithole. The place is absolutely caked in dirt and animal waste, and is rarely, if at all, cleaned. I have tried in the past to clean it myself, but it needs a specialist in there and despite encouragement from several people to hire someone, they never have. This is not a money issue, they could afford to have a proper clean done.

Both mum and dad have terrible personal hygiene. They don't seem at all bothered by this, and my friend seemed to find it amusing that she had worn the same pair of jeans for four months without washing them. They reeked. The DD is always in dirty clothes, always smells bad and is left in dirty nappies way longer than she should be.

I'm afraid to say though, the above is the tip of the iceberg. The DD is rarely cuddled, her dad has very little to do with the care of her, so my friend is for all intents and purposes a single mum, and she has little patience with her DD. She snaps at her, swears at her, and will leave her crying for a long time. She has very irregular mealtimes, and is fed a poor diet. My friend regularly has outbursts relating to threatening suicide and although I don't believe she would ever actually do it, I worry about the mind of someone who would actually threaten this anyway.

I know the above sounds horrible and I feel awful and bad myself that I can't figure out how to help my friend without the assistance of SS, but I'm scared that if I don't, the LO will continue to live how she has for her first year. My friend does not see a HV, and there is no family who are suitable to help them (or in fact to approach about this), as they are either very far away or in the case of the paternal GPs, elderly and disabled (in a way that makes CC impossible).

So AIBU to actually approach SS now? I don't know what else to do.

Please, please, please call. I am actually begging you to call.

SS will not just waltz in and take their DD with no good reason; although TBF it sounds like they would have good reason.

It might just be the beginning of your friend getting the help she needs to look after her properly; the beginning of her DD being treated like a child with appropriate routines, love, food and attention and the end of you lying awake at night worrying about her.

YANBU to call. One day that little girl might thank you for it.

I am a foster carer so if you have any questions, please feel free to PM me.

PLEASE CONTACT SS ASAP!

I understand you are worried about how your friend will feel, but that is nothing in comparison to the sustained and wilful neglect that their DD has to suffer every single day.

Judging by what you've writen, they have no excuse. Our DS was unplanned, we are both young and I have had (diagnosed) depression in the past. However, DS has his nappy changed regularly, three meals a day (healthy meals), clean clothes and plenty of baths. Not doing these things for a baby is simply cruel.

you know your friend will never know it was you. If you phone you don't have to give your name or any details.

Also, the fact that they are ignoring their DD's crying is particularly worrying. It makes me feel almost sick to think of a child lying alone, screaming, and knowing nobody will come :(

You should report it as soon as you can. You can call the NSPCC too. Social Services aim to keep all children with their parents and they will have access to all the local services that can support these people to be able to care properly for their baby. The parents will have ample opportunity to prove themselves to social services and taking the child into care permanently will be a last resort.
You are doing this child a disservice (?sp) if you do not report it. This type of neglect will have an impact on her for the rest of her life and you have the ability to stop it. Call now.

I work in this field, and I would urge you, strongly, to call the EDT now.
Please do not delay, please don't put it off. There may be other issues that you do not know about. Consider what you do know, and how much worse things might be behind closed doors. Because that is the reality for many of these children; what is known and seen publically, is usually the best care that they get. So if the best is as bad as you are saying, it does not bear thinking about how much worse things might be.

x-posts with mrsverinder!

MISSVerinder. Sorry, marrying you off!

Thank you all for responding, I am really sorry to write all this and depress you all. :(

I promise you I will email NSPCC.

For anyone who didn't catch it, the LO is staying with our friend tonight, so she is definitely okay.

This is utterly, utterly shit.

Would you please come back and let us know when you have done it?
I'm sure I will not be the only one of us lying awake thinking and wondering about this little girl

Be strong and do it, reallydont.... The baby deserves to live in a safe, clean, loving environment and your friend deserves the help to enable her to give it. Good luck

she is ok now with your friend and as someone has said already hopefully they are giving her lots of cuddles. But it will take time for ss orgainse things, and lo maybe back there tomorrow at nine.

every year more than 100 children die due to abuse, most of them never made the media front page, because sadly it all too commom, or there isn't a social worker witch hunt. But I'm sure most of those children could have been saved if they had been known about to the right people.

This post is too upsetting for words. Ongoing dreadful neglect and you sit here and post about it instead of getting proper help for a little helpless baby? Why feel bad about wanting to get help for the child? Why so late?

Thank you for this because now I understand how child neglect happens and continues to happen. Friends like you watch it happen and out of loyalty allow it to continue.

People who let their houses get full of excrement have other issues more important to them than a child, like mental health problems/ drugs / a favourite animal/ computer obsession etc.

Why hasn't the mutual friend done anything before now either? Jeez!

How many other people are there out there like the OP who have been witnessing dreadful child neglect for months and months and prefer to post here than get proper care for that family?

I honestly don't understand how you've got to sleep at night knowing what you do.

In the past I would not have hesitated to say phone SS. However, I have had a really bad experience with a local social work team recently, including very poor record keeping and fabricating things we have said (my DS is disabled). Apologies to social workers on here, but although it sounds like you have no choice but to phone them, ironically you may have to act as an advocate for her if things get out of hand.

You are quite horrid, jug. You clearly have absolutely no idea of this situation, nor what it takes to even post this. There is nothing helpful at all in your post. I don't believe you've even properly read the things I have written.

Purple, I will absolutely come back, I usually post under a different name, this is not a one off visit to MN, I will keep this thread updated.

Not helpful, Jug. Responses of that ilk will stop people mentioning it when they are second guessing themselves and need support to make the right decision.

I can only hope you enjoy it up there on the top floor of your ivory tower and you never have to clean the filth from the real world from your perfect shoes that you've never walked a mile outside your comfort zone in.

Op - I posted a while back and just wanted to say I hope I didn't come across like I was having a go as I didt mean to! I just fear for the LO and I understand you are in a dilemma but please make the call and let us know x

What a stupid and unhelpful post jug.

wildhair, up until jug's awful comments, I don't feel that anyone was coming across as having a go, not at all. I am going to email, I think I'll come across better in an email than I will on the phone, I can see myself getting flustered and forgetting half the things I need to say.

I think jug was meaning to be horrid, Janiston. I've been around here long enough to see posts like that a mile off.

At the risk of overkill, you could e-mail and ask for a number/callback to explain further or see if they have any questions.

I don't think jug is being awful. I find posts like this really baffling and I'm not sure I always believe they are genuine. I often hope they are not.

OP, you are FRIENDS with these people? Do you really need to ask whether to report them?

This sounds like the Tiffany Wright case.