to have bought a birthday present in the sale?

[artigiano]

I bought my two year old niece a pure silk and beaded dress from John Lewis for her birthday. It is exactly the sort of dress she would wear. I also bought one for my own DD2 whose birthday is around the same time because I thought they were so gorgeous. DD1 and I spent an hour choosing those dresses together. They were in the sale and were originally £40 and I bought them for £20 each. To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to spend any more since I feel that children of that age outgrow clothes so quickly and it seems wasteful to spend more on something they will wear a handful of times (and will probably stain immediately).

My mother then speaks to me, very upset indeed and tells me that my brother and sister in law have asked her to pass on a message that they wish me to return the dress since they don't like their children wearing"discount" clothes. My sister in law had actually made the effort to go to the shop to check how much I had spent!!! If I had spent the full £40, the present would have been acceptable to her.

I feel so upset and humiliated.

I just buy their children things that I would buy my own and that I think they would like. In fact , I usually buy their daughter what I have bought my own DD2 for her birthday.

I quite often buy my own children things I have bought in the sale: I gave my DD1 a bag (reduced to £20) from the Cath Kidston sale for her birthday. Again, this is something I would not have bought full price.

To make matters worse, my brother and sister in law have bought my DC some pretty horrible things (eg a bizarre candle making set designed for adults) and did not acknowledge my DD1's spring birthday this year at all. I have never said anything to them and tbh this doesn't bother me. i always accept presents with a thanks and a smile, always. It is just basic good manners isn't it?

Was I unreasonable to have bought a birthday present in the sale? Should I have spent more? I feel so humiliated. I can't face seeing them. What shall I do now?

How awful for you OP. what an absolutely dreadful, bullying pair. I'm not sure if I am more cross that they not only made known their vile thoughts about your present, then forced you to retract it (wtaf?? ) and - this is really low - involved your poor old mum.

They are vile vile bullies OP and tbh it won't matter what you do they'll find something wrong with it, some way to bully one and all and prey on the weakest (your mum). As for why you felt embarrassed/mortified OP - they SHAMED you; and you, naturally, felt ashamed (in the first instance). I hope you get that it is not you who should be feeling ashamed, embarrassed or mortified.

Just an update. I have not yet approached my brother and sister in law for the following reasons.

Firstly I spoke to my DM about making donations to charity in lieu of gifts and she said i was "persecuting" the children.

Secondly, i have received a large brown envelope from my sister in law containing two envelopes with a note saying these are for DD1's "belated" birthday as she put it (some five months late not that i minded tbh) and DD2's (also belated) birthday (remember my DD2 for whom I also bought a "discount" dress for). i think these contain birthday cards and cash (envelopes are bulging slightly but i don't want to open them). i cannot tell you how much i don't want to receive these gifts and DD1 has said firmly she wants them to give to charity (Great Ormond Street) on her behalf.

What shall I do now? I am thinking of returning these with a niceish note saying I have contributed to clicsargent in lieu of the returned dress and could they please do the same for my DCs in the future?

I think they will be furious. But I now think they are trying to teach me a lesson. Give cash or an (expensive?) full price pressie. Sister in law asked for cash only for their wedding.

BTW I stooped so low to check how much the candle making kit which they gave my DD1 for her tenth birthday was and the discounted price on amazon is approx £5.80 Can't believe I am stooping so low actually.

They sound vile. You are not obliged to give a gift, so I don't see how they can cause a fuss about donating to charity instead. As for 'persecuting' the children - yours have willingly agreed to have their present money donated, so it's only 'persecuting' your DNs if they've been brought up to be materialistic, grabby little brats. Which isn't exactly in their best long-term interests anyway.

You are being totally reasonable and don't let your family worry you otherwise.

OMG OP now they sound like total loons as well as vile, snobbish and selfish people! Your mum is being totally melodramatic and over the top!

Return them, return them!! I think your note sounds like a great idea and YAB totally R. Be strong, stand your ground!

Your mother is talking bollocks.

You should give your kids their envelopes/money/whatever they are. DD1 sounds as if she will promptly give hers to charity. DD2 may well do the same, but what she does with it is her choice. Then I think you should encourage them both to write a thankyou to SIL. If they want to they can mention that they gave their money to charity, if they don't want to they can leave it at 'thank you, how thoughtful'.

I wouldn't even mention the sodding dress, tbh. It was a petty and spiteful episode and I think you need to rise above it now.

There's no way I'd be taking that money, but that's just me, too proud. I would want to shove it up their arses.

I think you should write to them and tell them they are total loons and very very rude, what a vile couple.

It would be rude to give the money back, just as it was rude for them to send the dress you bought their DD back. Accept the money with good grace and have your DDs write a thank you note.