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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have bought a birthday present in the sale?

208 replies

artigiano · 19/09/2011 11:51

I bought my two year old niece a pure silk and beaded dress from John Lewis for her birthday. It is exactly the sort of dress she would wear. I also bought one for my own DD2 whose birthday is around the same time because I thought they were so gorgeous. DD1 and I spent an hour choosing those dresses together. They were in the sale and were originally £40 and I bought them for £20 each. To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted to spend any more since I feel that children of that age outgrow clothes so quickly and it seems wasteful to spend more on something they will wear a handful of times (and will probably stain immediately).

My mother then speaks to me, very upset indeed and tells me that my brother and sister in law have asked her to pass on a message that they wish me to return the dress since they don't like their children wearing"discount" clothes. My sister in law had actually made the effort to go to the shop to check how much I had spent!!! If I had spent the full £40, the present would have been acceptable to her.

I feel so upset and humiliated.

I just buy their children things that I would buy my own and that I think they would like. In fact , I usually buy their daughter what I have bought my own DD2 for her birthday.

I quite often buy my own children things I have bought in the sale: I gave my DD1 a bag (reduced to £20) from the Cath Kidston sale for her birthday. Again, this is something I would not have bought full price.

To make matters worse, my brother and sister in law have bought my DC some pretty horrible things (eg a bizarre candle making set designed for adults) and did not acknowledge my DD1's spring birthday this year at all. I have never said anything to them and tbh this doesn't bother me. i always accept presents with a thanks and a smile, always. It is just basic good manners isn't it?

Was I unreasonable to have bought a birthday present in the sale? Should I have spent more? I feel so humiliated. I can't face seeing them. What shall I do now?

OP posts:
PopcornMouse · 19/09/2011 12:13

PS - I would never, ever buy presents for their family ever again. Cards only. If they're lucky. Angry

Sewmuchtodo · 19/09/2011 12:13

How horrid! I often pick up treats for my niece or children in the sale (personal fave M&S pj's for £1.25!!)

Your Brother, SIL and Mother are being very rude. Simply say if they would rather you can stop doing gifts and merely exchange cards from now on as they seem happy to forget or purchase crap but are rude about a truly kind and well thought out gift.

P.s. for all your Sil knows you could have bought the dress before it went on sale..........and it's hardly 'discounted'. She makes it sound like a poorly stitched seconds!

onefatcat · 19/09/2011 12:14

YABU to be so upset by the comments from SIL- I think you need to get a life and some balls.

whoknowswho · 19/09/2011 12:16

Absolutely agree with Popcorn. Whats wrong getting more for your money?? - ungrateful snobs is what they are!

hayleysd · 19/09/2011 12:16

My mil did this to me ( we don't speak now) and rang do and asked him to go round and she said our present was hideous and she would rather have a bottle of something, nothing is ever right so my dp now just buys her a bottle for her birthday and we stopped buying for adults at Xmas that year.

Ya definitely nbu the ungrateful rude people!

ShatnersBassoon · 19/09/2011 12:16

Are you sure this is what really happened? Has your mum got confused and passed on the wrong message?

It sounds too ridiculous, so check with your brother and his wife before deciding how to deal with them.

Gissabreak · 19/09/2011 12:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Voidka · 19/09/2011 12:20

Your SIL is a precious knob!

Fillybuster · 19/09/2011 12:21

How offensive. I am really upset on your behalf....£20 on a dress is a generous present, and how brilliant to get such great value for it.

I actually can't work out if I am more shocked by

  1. Checking the cost of the dress
  1. Being offended that it was in the sale
  1. Getting your mum to relay such sn offensive message.

ShockShockShock

Are they always this vile or is this completely unexpected?

mamaGool · 19/09/2011 12:21

I'm agog. How rude! YADNBU

crystalglasses · 19/09/2011 12:23

I wonder why your mother agreed to pass on the message? Next time you speak to her ask her not pass on messages like this as you'd rather your sil told you herself. I bet the sil wouldn't have the balls to say anything to you.

ZonkedOut · 19/09/2011 12:23

Tell them you bought it before it went on sale, then it should be acceptable.

They are being completely unreasonable and it sounds like a lovely, thoughtful present, which is far more important to most sane people than how much you spent on it.

I really don't see why your mother is getting involved either, it sounds like she's validating their snobbishness, when she ought to be backing you up and telling them they're being daft.

Rosa · 19/09/2011 12:24

Honestly YANBU - a gift is a gift and they should learn manners. I hope your mum can see sense and tell them where to get off.......If not I would !

eurochick · 19/09/2011 12:26

Your SIL and mother are rude idiots. And your SIL sounds spoilt. Let's hope she doesn't pass her values on to ehr children or they will be little horrors.

Chocolategirl3 · 19/09/2011 12:28

Absolutely gobsmacked that someone can behave like that. Give them the gift receipt and tell them to take it back themselves. If that is not an option and you feel you have to replace the present as you wouldn't want the child to miss out on a gift then make sure you only spend £20 not a penny more!

Also who told them you got it in the sale to start with? that to me is rude and none of their business!

WilsonFrickett · 19/09/2011 12:28

I am completely Shock that your SIL had the time or inclination to go and check the price of the dress. FFS some people!!!!!

She is a cretin. And rude - so rude! Rude doesn't even begin to cover how rude she is! Angry Take the dress back and buy you or DD something nice. I know you get pleasure out of buying for your DN and I understand this - I really love buying pretty things for my friend's DDs - but you have to think about whether you put so much effort and thought into it in the future.

piprabbit · 19/09/2011 12:28

Return the dress and by the child a full price pack of Haribo, a 10p pack if you are feeling really cross or a mega multi-pack (less than £3) if you feel like making a small child's birthday v.v. happy.

MissTapestry · 19/09/2011 12:30

YADNBU, and I'm quite pissed off on your behalf! Tell her to shove her candle making kit up her arse, take the dress back and spend the money on a matching pair of shoes for DD. Oh and tell her to fuck right off, the cheeky bint.

harassedandherbug · 19/09/2011 12:30

How bizarre!! And incredibly rude.

Your sil sounds incredibly precious. I can't believe she actually went and checked how much you spent!! Beyond rude imo.

It's hardly "discount" clothing......

YANBU!

HerdOfTinyElephants · 19/09/2011 12:31

YANBU to have bought it in the sale.

No, you should not have spent more.

They are completely batshit crazy.

Take the dress back if they want to give it back, then (if it's too late to return to shop, which it probably is) sell it on eBay or if you like I'll buy it from you, TBH. I positively seek out second hand or "discount" clothes for my DCs, and as DD2 mostly gets DD1's hand-me-downs a new dress at half price would be a nice treat. Don't replace with another present. Give her a £5 book token for future birthdays/Christmas.

If they have the NERVE to mention it to you, say simply that you fell in love with the dress and it happened to be on sale, but that it won't happen again (the subtext is "...because in future I'll be giving her £5 book tokens" but you don't need to mention that bit out loud).

MollyTheMole · 19/09/2011 12:34

god what total cunts your Bro and SIL sound.

Take the dress back and spend the £20 on yourself and in future Id just stick a very unimaginary £10 in a card. Twats

pozzled · 19/09/2011 12:35

Utterly, utterly ridiculous.

Check that your mum got the message correct and it wasn't a misunderstanding. (I'd phone your brother- 'You'll never guess what Mum said! I know she must have been mistaken, so I thought I'd talk to you directly...')

If they really did mean it, return the dress, keep the £20 and never buy any of them another present again. They're not worth it.

betterwhenthesunshines · 19/09/2011 12:43

Everyone has already said it. YANBU she is.

£20 is a perfectly generous present. I would be PLEASED if I'd found out such a lovely dress was discounted as £40 would be a ridculous amount to spend on a present. That's the only reason I have avoided buying dicounted clothes as presents - in case the recipient felt uneasy as it might look as if I'd spent too much IYKWIM.

I bought birthday presents for parties this w'end from a discount but new bookshop. Bargain!

They must have more money than sense if they never buy anything reduced. I try to never buy anything at full price :o

TandB · 19/09/2011 12:43

I would be inclined to send a message back saying "You are very rude. If you don't want the dress then return it yourselves and don't expect me to run around after you."

WiiUnfit · 19/09/2011 12:43

artigiano, return the dress, get your refund & buy DNiece nothing else, maybe buy yourself or DD something nice (even if it is 'discounted'). Hmm Your DB & SIL are being utterly ridiculous, so is your DM for not telling them this!

Does SIL have a problem with you? Could this be why she is being so cuntish precious?

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