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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dd go to a sleepover in a rough area?

245 replies

mrsshears · 17/09/2011 12:32

My dd is nearly 14,she has made friends with a girl who lives in a very deprived rough area of town(think stabbings,shootings etc).
I have no problem with this,the friend is a nice girl(admittedly i have only seen her a handful of times but on each occasion she was lovely)
I have never met her parents.
I have said to dd since she met this friend that there would be no option of dd going to this friends house and that her friend would always have to come to dd.Dd has been invited to a sleepover at this girls house tonight to which i have said in no uncertain terms,no way.
I have however said that this friend can come to us for a sleepover,dd thinks im being really unreasonable not letting her go,i have explained my reasons and said that it will always be a no and that wont change.
What do you think?

OP posts:
FagButt · 17/09/2011 12:34

The problem you have is that the area is rough, not the family in question. Would they be staying in? Will the parents be there? If they go out are the parents going with them?

I would allow my child to go as it would be pretty harsh to the other girl in thinking she lives in a bad place. Your child will be safe if the parents are there.

niceguy2 · 17/09/2011 12:35

YABU

magicmummy1 · 17/09/2011 12:35

Don't know the area or your dd (or her friend), so it's a bit hard to judge. But I think you're B a bit U. You sound like a bit of a snob tbh. Sorry.

Would it reassure you if you could meet the friend's parents first?

Bloodymary · 17/09/2011 12:37

I would not allow it without first meeting the parents.

DoMeDon · 17/09/2011 12:37

YANBU if it is as rough as it sounds. I would reconsider if I met the parents and trusted them to be utterly responsible.

DoMeDon · 17/09/2011 12:38

Why is it snobby to state a fact - shooting/stabbing sounds like something which would be reported - hence not snobbery but caution.

worraliberty · 17/09/2011 12:38

YABU unless you think the family is going to let the girls walk the streets all night.

mumblechum1 · 17/09/2011 12:38

I think YABU. Meet the parents first by all means, and check that they won't be allowed to wander around the area after dark, other than that I think you should let her go.

ImperialBlether · 17/09/2011 12:38

I wouldn't let a school age child go to a sleepover unless I knew their parents.

usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 12:39

YABU

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 12:39

It is very bad,like i said shootings,stabbings and muggings are not uncommon.
I would certainly not feel safe there myself.

OP posts:
Stoirin · 17/09/2011 12:40

Unless there are shootings and stabbings inside her house, YABU.

DoMeDon · 17/09/2011 12:41

Then it is a no brainer for me. I did all I could to move out of an area like that, I would send DC back into it. You do not know what could happen. Bricks through wrong window were not uncommon!

Talker2010 · 17/09/2011 12:41

I think that you may have a point

magicmummy1 · 17/09/2011 12:42

OP, would your dd be wandering around outside in this area, or would she be at her friend's house? Could you drop her off there and pick her up again?

I think it's reasonable to want to meet the parents but wrong to judge them on the area in which they live. Maybe they can't afford to live anywhere else.

mollymole · 17/09/2011 12:43

i would ALWAYS want to meet the parents before allowing a sleep over anywhere, but, if the parents are OK and both the sleepover children and the parents are going to be on the premises (not out anywhere else)at all times then the area would be irrelevant to me

soverylucky · 17/09/2011 12:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squeakytoy · 17/09/2011 12:44

You are being unreasonable, and also a snob. You are also risking your daughter lying to you when she goes out, if she feels that you are being over protective.

People get shot and stabbed in wealthy areas too.. crime is not just in "rough" areas.

If you are dropping her off at the girls house, and they are staying in at night, what harm do you think will come to her, it shouldnt make a difference what the area is like.

DoMeDon · 17/09/2011 12:45

But just sometimes the families in the rough area are rough - the DD may be nice but the parents might be like Shameless. I would ahve to meet them

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 12:45

I'm not judging them magicmummy
It would be difficult for dd to tell this girl that she had to stay in her house,i think it would be awkward for her.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 12:46

I live in what many on MN would consider to be a rough area .My DCs have had many friends sleepover ,none of them got stabbed or shot

Maryz · 17/09/2011 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spookshowangellovesit · 17/09/2011 12:48

yabu drop her off and pick her up. all you are saying to her friend and her parents is my daughter is to good to come to your place but she can totally come here. not a good way to build friendships. obviously her friend hasnt been mugged or shot or stabbed yet so her parents are doing an ok job of keeping her safe. they can prob manage to keep your daughter safe for one night too.

DoMeDon · 17/09/2011 12:50

I love this surely not inside the house stuff. I wasn't allowed to stay over at my BF's anymore when I witnessed her 'rough' dad, puch her 'rough' mum, in thier 'rough' area house (have overused the '' but I jsut want to say I never thought of them as rough - I liked the family but they were what others would be calling rough on MN).

spookshowangellovesit · 17/09/2011 12:51

"they might be like shameless" ???? Hmm

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