To not let dd go to a sleepover in a rough area?

[mrsshears]

My dd is nearly 14,she has made friends with a girl who lives in a very deprived rough area of town(think stabbings,shootings etc).
I have no problem with this,the friend is a nice girl(admittedly i have only seen her a handful of times but on each occasion she was lovely)
I have never met her parents.
I have said to dd since she met this friend that there would be no option of dd going to this friends house and that her friend would always have to come to dd.Dd has been invited to a sleepover at this girls house tonight to which i have said in no uncertain terms,no way.
I have however said that this friend can come to us for a sleepover,dd thinks im being really unreasonable not letting her go,i have explained my reasons and said that it will always be a no and that wont change.
What do you think?

What? They might be, so might I - might - I say again there are some rough people in rough areas - what a shocker!?!

I think you're going to need to review your sleepover policy. I see where your concern lies, but to avoid jeopardising you DD's friendship it's better no sleepovers at all anywhere, with any friends.

There are some rough people in not so rough areas too

and domestic abuse doesnt happen in the homes of wealthy people, just people on estates. just like all people on estates are looters, live off benefits and take drugs and bunk off school and talk like this "aint it"

It is not even judging the family, it is judging the area the family live in.. which is even more ridiculous and assuming.

It would be reasonable for you to want to have met her parents first. YABU for not wanting her to go just because of the area though.

What are you going to do for the rest of her life tell her she can't get a job or walk in an area that is not affluent?

The wildest sleepover my DS ever went to was in one of the most expensive areas of my town

who would have thought that ...

OP you are not being a 'snob', you do not know the parents, the girls Father may be one of the 'roughest' in the area.
I have dealt with this in the past, nice child, nice Mother, Father dealt drugs

WTF? If you are not happy with her going to a sleepover without meeting the parents then make an attempt to meet them.

But unless they are going to be walking the streets all night, where their house is situated is irrelevant. What exactly do you think is going to happen inside their home that couldn't possibly happen inside yours?

You are being a giant ridiculous snob.
Your daughter must be so embarrassed by your attitude, and her friend will be terribly hurt. I expect your DD will bring home all sorts of undesirable boyfriends to try to annoy you in a couple of years.

rich people deal drugs too

Maryz - exactly. The clue is in the question.

YABU, and you are teaching your daughter to be as big a snob as you. I wouldn't let my DD stay over at your house, no matter how nice the area.

Oddly enough, people in posh areas take, and deal drugs too you know.. :)

The OP hasnt said she is not allowing the sleepover because she hasnt met the parents (although at nearly 14, I would say that is also a bit pointless)..

OP is banning the sleepover based purely on postcode.

I dont see how anyone can ban a 14 year old from making friends from the "wrong area".. and unless they keep the teen under lock and key, how can they prevent her from walking in those areas.

A 14 year old should not be out in any area late at night, but bad things do happen during the day too, and in all areas.

Your faith in the the value of the house protecting your child is touching.

I got up to all sorts of Shenanighans as a teenager in some very exclusive parts of town. Some of the houses were fabulous. Mostly because the parents were never there - kids at boarding school, home for the holidays, friends round, parents bugger off out.

In the more ordinary 'burbs that I'm from my parents would never abdicate responsibility like that hence we were all to be found rather prissily watching Videos and eating take away pizza not raiding the drinks cellar and then going out clubbing, or shagging inappropriate boys from equally exclusive schools.

Meet the parents - if they are nice folk I think you would be VU to not allow your daughter to visit especially if you dropped her off / picked her up or the other girls parents did chauffer duty.

Unreasonable. And storing up problems for the future.

YANBU to try and protect your dd.

YABVVVU to think that she will never have to experience this in her life. You're her parent - take her in your nice safe car, stop for a cup of tea with the (probably) nice, safe parents in their nice, safe house, and teach your daughter how to have her wits about her.

Yabu. I grew up in a rough area but went to school in a 'nice' area. It's people like you that meant I left school with no friends because no one was allowed to come to my house. And I got bullied because all the kids picked up on their parents snobbery.

My parents are good people and so are their neighbours, they just can't afford to live anywhere else.

Meet the girls parents before you decide.

YABU 14 years old is old enough to understand how to keep herself safe. You shouldn't roam the streets late at night in any area. How do you think kids who live in this area deal with it? Her friend is probably quite streetwise and could teach your DD some valuable lessons in looking after herself.

YABU