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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dd go to a sleepover in a rough area?

245 replies

mrsshears · 17/09/2011 12:32

My dd is nearly 14,she has made friends with a girl who lives in a very deprived rough area of town(think stabbings,shootings etc).
I have no problem with this,the friend is a nice girl(admittedly i have only seen her a handful of times but on each occasion she was lovely)
I have never met her parents.
I have said to dd since she met this friend that there would be no option of dd going to this friends house and that her friend would always have to come to dd.Dd has been invited to a sleepover at this girls house tonight to which i have said in no uncertain terms,no way.
I have however said that this friend can come to us for a sleepover,dd thinks im being really unreasonable not letting her go,i have explained my reasons and said that it will always be a no and that wont change.
What do you think?

OP posts:
MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 14:36

Usual - I certainly did Sad Girls that age arent daft

usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 14:38

Do you really think your DD hasn't told her why?

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 14:44

Yes i honestly do.
DD wouldnt want to hurt her feelings.
Interestingly dd has just told me that none of her other friends like this girl,which i strongly suspect has to do with parental involvement,as she really is a nice kid.
As I posted previously i have no issue at all with this friendship i just dont want my dd in the area that this girl lives,its dangerous.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 14:49

Then tbh she would be better off not being friends with your DD and her friends

Bloodymary · 17/09/2011 14:53

WHAT, she would be better off not being friends with OPs DD?
Is that really what you mean?

seeker · 17/09/2011 14:55

Where do you live, Beiruit?

maighdlin · 17/09/2011 14:55

YABVVU and snobbish. I have lived in wealthy areas where all the things you have mentioned happened. she is going for a sleepover in a house not walking the streets all night. all you will achieve by refusing based on area is hurting her friends feelings and passing your own ignorant snobbery on your daughter.

MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 14:57

I was thinking the same thing Usual, it would all be very one sided, no you must come here if you want to hang out, no DD cant come for tea you must come here, no DD cant study for her GCSES with you you must come here.

That is until they hit 16 and start hanging around the local park with the boys putting too for some MD 20/20 Grin

usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 14:57

yes I do

I would be beyond furious if I knew other parents judged me for where I lived wouldn't you?

worraliberty · 17/09/2011 14:57

OP what I think you fail to realise is that 'random' stabbings and shootings very rarely happen.

They're mostly between rival gangs and drunks.

Unless you think your daughter is going to mix with people like that during her sleepover, you really have nothing to worry about.

I blame the tabloids for people thinking the way you do Hmm

MumblingRagDoll · 17/09/2011 14:59

Why don't you deliver her yourself.....which gives you a chance to assess the situation. If you're not happy...return 2 hour later with an excuse.

LadyBeagleEyes · 17/09/2011 14:59

As many others have asked.
What area is it?
There may be some lovely MNers there that can put your mind at rest Grin

MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 15:00

IME its actually kids like the OPs that are the bloody worst influences on others when the cotton wool is finally unravelled, like my friend ^

Bloodymary · 17/09/2011 15:01

Sadly people do get judged, I am not saying it is right, but it happens.

Feminine · 17/09/2011 15:01

Ok .I really ,really want to know where it is now!

I am so curious ...

birdsofshoreandsea · 17/09/2011 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HowAboutAHotCupOfShutTheHellUp · 17/09/2011 15:02

OP you are a ridiculous snob and a control freak to boot. I grew up in a 'good' area. As a teenager, I had friends from all backgrounds, some of whom lived in deprived areas. They were and still are wonderful friends. Thank goodness my mother didn't have your attitude, which frankly shows a distinct lack of class.

usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 15:03

It would help if we knew where it was

Feminine · 17/09/2011 15:03

Yes,I think its only fair to at least give us a hint.

Otherwise its kind of fruitless,like never getting the punchline of a joke!

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 15:08

I'm really sorry but i dont want to risk outing myself
you will just have to take my word,trust me it really is awful.

OP posts:
MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 15:08

But....but...but Birds - the girls arent goint to be camping on the street corner are they? I assume the girls parents live in a brick built house and not in a card board box in the middle of the road. If they stay in they will be just as safe as they would in OPs house (possibly safer actually, given that OP probably has more 'goodies' in her house for any potential raiders to get their hands on than this girls family)

Where there is trouble generally it is the undesirables that the trouble is between.

minxofmancunia · 17/09/2011 15:09

YABU. I used to live in Hulme, Manchester one of the "roughest" areas of the country, I loved it it was absolutely fine, yes it has it's dodginess but I was nothing to do with me as I'm not a gang memer.

Where is live now is v affluent and supposedly "posh" but there have been armed robberies and a rape recently near my house Sad. It actually attracts crime due to it's affluent nature and I actually feel more scared walking round these tree lined avenues at night than I did down stretford road in hulme which was wide, busy and brightly lit.

Feminine · 17/09/2011 15:09

What about a general area?

Is it London? somewhere ...Grin

minxofmancunia · 17/09/2011 15:11

I et it's manchester somewhere...there seems to be a bit of a phobia of "rough" manchester amongst some mnetters Grin

Bloodymary · 17/09/2011 15:11

Oh come on, the OP has taken a real pasting on here.
She isnt about to come back and tell us where the area is now is she?

There is bound to be someone come back and say they were bought up there and it is all sweetness and light etc.