Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let dd go to a sleepover in a rough area?

245 replies

mrsshears · 17/09/2011 12:32

My dd is nearly 14,she has made friends with a girl who lives in a very deprived rough area of town(think stabbings,shootings etc).
I have no problem with this,the friend is a nice girl(admittedly i have only seen her a handful of times but on each occasion she was lovely)
I have never met her parents.
I have said to dd since she met this friend that there would be no option of dd going to this friends house and that her friend would always have to come to dd.Dd has been invited to a sleepover at this girls house tonight to which i have said in no uncertain terms,no way.
I have however said that this friend can come to us for a sleepover,dd thinks im being really unreasonable not letting her go,i have explained my reasons and said that it will always be a no and that wont change.
What do you think?

OP posts:
Feminine · 17/09/2011 13:50

sometimes just living in an area of so called deprivation is enough to calm all fears.

If op has never lived in such an ordinary place,the danger would be perceived as much worse.

I really want to know where it it.

GypsyMoth · 17/09/2011 13:51

Yeah I'm wondering where it is too!

Op, how did this area fare in the recent riots?

MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 13:54

You are a snob

Biscuit
ledkr · 17/09/2011 13:58

Those of you who say she's a snob,did you select your home carefully for a "nice area" or try your best to get your dc into the best schools?
realise not everyone has this choice but itf you did what would you choose? Seriously.
That said op your dd needs to get used to different experiences and adapt to those situations accordingly.

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 14:02

Actually molly if i were a snob i would be telling dd to have nothing to do with this girl based on where she lives,which clearly is not the case.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 17/09/2011 14:04

You can't control her for much longer op!

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 14:06

Its hardly controlling tiffany,imo its parenting.
She is 13yrs old and a minor.

OP posts:
MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 14:07

Ledkr - I live in an area the OP describes, lived here all my life. Never had any problems personally. The first time I stayed over at DPs parents (vair affluent area) the neighbours car was broken into. Theres good and bad in all areas.

OP is being a total snob and if you are not careful OP your DD will soon rebel and might find herself in far worse situations than staying over at someones house like mine.

As a side Ive spotted another Molly Moley on this thread - I assume you have had your nn longer as I only changed to this yesterday, do you want me to change it?

OpinionatedMum · 17/09/2011 14:07

I don't think the OP is a snob. But I do think she is being over protective. A bit like parents who won't let their kids play outside because of paedophiles.

Feminine · 17/09/2011 14:08

Are you going to drive her/take her there yourself op?

You will eliminate a lot of fears that way...

I don't imagine it can be that far away from you anyway...school catchments etc... well, thats if they met at school.

If not Wink it means your DD might have already strayed in to the less desirable spots Grin

MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 14:10

Mrsshears - you are not letting your nearly 14 year old DD stay at a mates house because they live in a shitty area. Unless you think the parents are going to let them out of the house all night to ply trade on the corner then I fail to see your gripe, and (IMO) you are being a total and complete snob.

Blu · 17/09/2011 14:14

FGS.
The vast majority of people who live in 'rough areas' are not rough. Just, like me, not wealthy enough to live in a generally less rough area.
Things can happen anywhere.
YABVU.

mrsruffallo · 17/09/2011 14:17

Of course it's snobbery. It's suggesting that thiese people can't be trusted to look after OP's daughter because they are not as well off as OP. Nothing more to it.

GypsyMoth · 17/09/2011 14:17

Yes you are controlling
There is very little you can do if she just goes anyway!

Feminine · 17/09/2011 14:17

op is (IMO) not a snob ,she is scared and that is making her irrational!

Unfortunately this is affecting her judgement.

Feminine · 17/09/2011 14:19

I really think it is the imagined dangers that are firing op

I want her to come back with more details ...otherwise I can see how I think she is being misunderstood.

GypsyMoth · 17/09/2011 14:19

As a mum of teens I can say you will have far bigger battles ahead than this!

Feminine · 17/09/2011 14:20

Yes,tiffany I agree.

usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 14:23

Does your DDs friend know why your DD is not allowed in her rough house?

MollyTheMole · 17/09/2011 14:24

I worry that my DS will come up against 'prejudice' like this when he starts school. When I was growing up I had a friend with a parent like the OP and it was fucking hurtful that I wasnt worthy of having my friend come over to my house.

Mind you, it was that same friend who I had to take home to her mum at 15 after she sank a bottle of Thunderbirds, took a trip and nearly choked on her own vomit. Go figure.

mrsruffallo · 17/09/2011 14:25

I wonder that too, usual. It's not even just sleepovers that are banned, it's going for tea, or an hour after school.

OpinionatedMum · 17/09/2011 14:26

Where is it?

Feminine · 17/09/2011 14:26

Will there be a few girls at the sleepover?

That IMO would make it even less of a worry.

All teens have phones these days,all could contact parents if need be.

Original poster
mrsshears · 17/09/2011 14:28

No her friend doesnt know,as far as she is concerned its because she lives too far away.
They dont go to the same school either,they met through friends of friends.
DD's friend has friends that live near us.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 17/09/2011 14:34

I suspect she does know