To not let dd go to a sleepover in a rough area?

[mrsshears]

My dd is nearly 14,she has made friends with a girl who lives in a very deprived rough area of town(think stabbings,shootings etc).
I have no problem with this,the friend is a nice girl(admittedly i have only seen her a handful of times but on each occasion she was lovely)
I have never met her parents.
I have said to dd since she met this friend that there would be no option of dd going to this friends house and that her friend would always have to come to dd.Dd has been invited to a sleepover at this girls house tonight to which i have said in no uncertain terms,no way.
I have however said that this friend can come to us for a sleepover,dd thinks im being really unreasonable not letting her go,i have explained my reasons and said that it will always be a no and that wont change.
What do you think?

YABU. Like all sleepovers I'd exercise caution by meeting the parents first. She could be staying over at a millionaires home but still be in 'danger' should there be abusers living in the house or if they decided, as teenagers do, to sneak out. If they are staying in then, unless they live in the Br

YABU. Like all sleepovers I'd exercise caution by meeting the parents first. She could be staying over at a millionaires home but still be in 'danger' should there be abusers living in the house or if they decided, as teenagers do, to sneak out. If they are staying in then, unless they live in the Bronx, it's highly, highly unlikely she will be shot or stabbed. You are giving her a dangerous message of snobbery.

*millionaire's

Feminine the bronx? Seriously there are places a couple of miles from me where I worry the car will still have it's wheels on if I park up.

I think you should meet the parents first and check out the street where they live, and hopefully that will give you some reassurance.

Of course that will be tricky to do in a tactful way.

I have lived in some very rough areas of the USA when i was younger where you often heard gunshots at night, and once found blood on the street. I was young free and single then, but there's no way I would let one of my kids walk around the places I used to live now.

My dd is only 12 but I find it difficult to think that I would let her stay overnight with people I didn't know.

I admit that I have only skimmed through the replies, but I think you are being a little unkind towards the OP. Snobbery has nothing to do with her concerns for her daughter's safety. I, too, would be worried if DD wanted to stay over in an area that I wouldn't feel safe in. It has nothing to do with how nice the family are.

We live here because unless we win the lottery we've no choice.
I don't think the o/p's a snob, I think she doesn't trust her daughter and finds it easier to question the parenting skills of friends parents than recognise the real problem; her daughter apparently can't be given a set of boundaries and be trusted to stay within them if her friend wanted to do something outside them.
Fair play to her to therefore say no, but see the problem for what it is.

I understand that mitmoo but if they're staying in it would be quite the scandal should a masked man run into a random house and attack popcorn eating girls applying each other's facepacks would it not? Get a grip OP.

That's really spiteful JFOWI.

Or even JGOWI.

I'm sorry you think it's spiteful, it's not meant to be. It's how I see it.
I wouldn't let my children sleepover anywhere if I thought they would go outside whatever boundaries they'd agreed if their friends wanted them to.

I hope your girls have a lovely time, and you can take the friend home, see her house and maybe meet the other parent (who are probably also worrying about their DD staying at a strangers!).

BTW,we live in a conservation area and had our car torched on the driveway last year!

Ohnoredundo It's not unreasonable for the OP to want to get a grip on what the girl's parents are like. I wouldn't care where they lived I'd want to know that anyway. In my "nice* area I wouldn't let my son stop with some of his friend's parents, they think nothing of going to the pub coming back at midnight and leaving a bunch of teens in the home with access to their booze to their own whims. Their kids take ample opportunity to sample some booze from the age of 12 and take it to the local park.

Nice area but my son would never get a sleep over there.

I live in a "nice" area where there are a lot of small houses for OAP's and single parents, a few couples, (some seriously fecked up but they use solicitors to hassle you). There are so many ways to be dysfunctional.

Good point milliways. Our area's most sought after villages are targeted for burglaries.

I dont think JGOWI is being spiteful.

I think the OP has issues that she is trying to palm off as parental concern.

I am astounded at the amount of people who would assume that the kids would go walkabout once the parents were asleep!

Do they imagine this would happen in the OP's naice hiese or only in the rough as a robber's dog parent's house?

Why no concern about the teenagers doing a bunk whilst sleeping over at the op's place? Young teens can come to harm anywhere at 2am.

Is it because those of us who live in 'rough' areas are likely to be crashed out with a bottle of WKD falling from our nicotine stained fingers, therefore allowing the nice young lady to be led astray by the chavvy friend?

Bollocks.

If you live in London EVERY area is rough and I would assume this was the same for most cities.

In towns you are only ever a stone's throw from an estate or red light area.

In quaint rural villages your kids run the risk of getting mown down by the local speed merchants on the way back from the pub if they set foot out the door past 11pm.

Ridiculous thread.

But she didn't say her concern was not yet having met the parents. She said there was no way her daughter could go on a sleepover there and the other girl would always have to come to their house.

JGOWI Its not that i dont trust my dd,i do,it would just be really awkward for her to have to explain to her friend why she had to stay in her house and couldnt go out into the surrounding area.
In fact it would be really awkward for both girls.

In fact the OP said there would be no option of her daughter even going to the other girl's house, let alone a sleepover.

Mrsshears I apologise if you find my take spiteful, it isn't meant that way.

Surely your daughter wouldn't have to explain anything more to her friend, than her mother trusted her to not go out, and she wouldn't want to break that trust.

No i dont think you are being spiteful.
I think the friend would be a bit as to why i would have told dd she wasnt to go out,either that or she would realise straight away why it was which might upset/offend her which i wouldnt want to do.

LOL at 'rough as a robbers dog'.

OP - Really, if she is a nice girl, if the parents are responsible (and of course you want to know that) , if your DD is responsible, then it is a bit OTT to ban you dd from whole areas. You wil undermine her confidence and her sense of self, and make her look foolish with her friends. Even in the most high crime hotspost, actual crime is still rare. And by telling your dd that her friend lives somewhere where your dd cannot even be allowed to visit ..well what does that say?

If the parent of a friend of DS's wouldn't allow their child into a neighbourhood I lived in, I wonder how would DS feel? He is supposed to understand that his home area is not safe enough for his friend to set foot in?

Anyway, hope it all resolves

Hic - have to open my next bottle of WKD.

I think most teenagers realise their parents have widely varrying rules and boundaries and are more likely to lable you old fashioned and strict.

I think the friend will already have realised why the invite has been turned into her going to you tbh.

So do I, and as I've said, I bet her mother does too.