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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking SIL wanting to take (unborn) DS for a day the week he is born isn't normal?

322 replies

SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:32

I'm to be induced the same week my SIL has a week off and she wants to take him for a day that week because she will be off work.

She seems totally adamant and my DP doesn't see a problem with it and thinks it will give me time to relax but I know I just wont want to let go of him so soon.

I had agreed she could take him for a day before I realised she was talking about the week he was going to be born.

I realise she's probably just trying to help and she loves kids but this doesn't seem what would normally happen. God, I have friends who refused to even really see anyone for weeks.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AtYourCervix · 14/09/2011 10:35

Is she going to lactate and feed him too?

Weird and not normal. Invite her round, show her the kettle and hoover and take the baby to bed with you. That would be a help.

HairyGrotter · 14/09/2011 10:35

YADNBU!!

No way would I have been able to have DD away from me for more than 2 minutes in the same room when she was just born. Took me a few months to relax.

BelleEnd · 14/09/2011 10:35
Shock No way is this normal. I hope it isn't a sign of things to come!
JIRkids · 14/09/2011 10:36

YANBU - you will be busy sorting out routine with your baby. Does she have children? Are you breastfeeding (if so then it won't be possible anyway will it?). Just say no, doesn't sound like she understands what a newborn entails. It may be helpful for her to come to your house to hold baby while you have nap/bath etc. though.

diddl · 14/09/2011 10:36

I couldn´t be out of the same room as mine at that stage & could barely let anyone else look at them, let alone look after them!

It wouldn´t have been relaxing for me, I´d have been tearing my hair out!

Mishy1234 · 14/09/2011 10:37

I'm guessing your SIL doesn't have children?

There's absolutely NO WAY you are going to want to be separated from your newborn in the first week (or many, many afterwards). It's a ludicrous idea, although she probably is just trying to help.

Just say no, but suggest ways she can help you out. Shopping, cooking, cleaning are all things you will need help with, if indeed you want her around at all during the first week.

seanbonbon · 14/09/2011 10:37

Crazy ! I'm speechless that anyone would think this is acceptable, tell her she can visit of course but if she really wants to help she can come over and do the ironing/cleaning/make dinner. Of course everyone wants to see the baby but come on Shock

How old is your SIL?

Bloodymary · 14/09/2011 10:37

This is soo not normal. Does your SIL have children herself?

KnottyLocks · 14/09/2011 10:37

She doesn't have children, does she? Confused

She may be adamant, but this is your baby.

No, it's not normal.

squeakytoy · 14/09/2011 10:37

Of course it isnt normal. If she was offering to come round and help you in the house, or let you have a sleep while she changed nappies etc, or did some washing, then fine.. but to want to actually take a newborn away from its mum... bizarre.. Confused

JsOtherHalf · 14/09/2011 10:38

YANBU. The best place for a newborn is with their parents if at all possible. I couldn't even let my best friend change his nappy when he was a few weeks old, and she'd had 3 kids. I didn't want him out of my sight, and she was trying to be helpful as I was recovering from a CS.

The first week I had DS he was in and of hospital - twice due to dehydration. We were trying to establish bf, and generally coping with the god almighty shock of having a newborn.

Does she have children of her own?

NinkyNonker · 14/09/2011 10:38

Errrr, YADNBU. Definitely hold your ground, he is not a toy to be passed around to whoever wants a 'go', he'll need his mother.

RealityVonCrapp · 14/09/2011 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedRubyBlue · 14/09/2011 10:38

In some cultures if a woman is trying to conceive they are advised to look after a new born baby for a whole day.

I read somewhere that David Bowie's wife did it.

Just a thought....

CharCharGabor · 14/09/2011 10:38

YA sooo NBU! There is no way I'd want anyone taking my few day old baby away for a whole day. Does she have children? If not then maybe she just doesn't understand how hard it would be for you. And obv if breastfeeding it wouldn't work at all!

meravigliosa · 14/09/2011 10:38

Very odd indeed. If you decide to BF you will need to be with DS very consistently in the first few weeks. In first week they can want to feed what feels like all the time. Even if you don't BF you will want to be with him. She could watch him while you have a shower or something, or maybe do some housework if she wants to be helpful, as others have said.

Petesmum · 14/09/2011 10:38

OMG no way!!! Am sure her intentions are good but you need to be with your baby that week to bond, feeding, recovering
I'd have probably inflicted physical damage on anyone trying to take my DS even out of my sight in the first few weeks...it was hard to let the midwives do their job Smile

beatrixkitto · 14/09/2011 10:38

op, repeat after me....'No fucking way'.......simples.

rainbow2000 · 14/09/2011 10:39

No,No no if she gets him now so soon after being born you will never have peace.Just politely tell her you want to get to know your lo,shes more than welcome to come round and help but she wont be taking lo anywhere anytime soon.And tell dp to grow a pair.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:39

Wow, lots of replies quickly!

I thought I was maybe being a bit U as DP didn't seem to have a problem with it.

And yes, I am planning to try and BF but DP just suggested expressing and no she doesn't have any kids but is a Nursery Nurse.

Glad to know I am not being precious!

OP posts:
smartyparts · 14/09/2011 10:40

Really bizarre! Will she be breastfeeding too?

I barely put my babies down when they were brand new..

NinkyNonker · 14/09/2011 10:40

And unless your DH really thinks this is a good idea (in which case he just needs a reality check) then he needs to stand up to his family a little more.

BlueFergie · 14/09/2011 10:40

Is this your first? If so there is a very good chance he won't be considerate enough to turn up on time and fit in with her holiday schedule.

If you are breastfeeding there is no way she can have him anyway.

I wouldn't allow it.

choceyes · 14/09/2011 10:41

ofcourse YANBU. How ridiculous of your SIL!

PlumSykes · 14/09/2011 10:41

She's mad. Bonkers in the nut!

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