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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking SIL wanting to take (unborn) DS for a day the week he is born isn't normal?

322 replies

SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:32

I'm to be induced the same week my SIL has a week off and she wants to take him for a day that week because she will be off work.

She seems totally adamant and my DP doesn't see a problem with it and thinks it will give me time to relax but I know I just wont want to let go of him so soon.

I had agreed she could take him for a day before I realised she was talking about the week he was going to be born.

I realise she's probably just trying to help and she loves kids but this doesn't seem what would normally happen. God, I have friends who refused to even really see anyone for weeks.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sn0wGoose · 14/09/2011 11:26

...or ds...?? I'm sorry, but I wouldn't be leaving DS in a house with a dog that snarls at me.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:28

SurprisEs I can't really ask for him to be in the garden as it's DP's parents house and he and his family are wanting us to stay there for a night or 2 occasionally. I will just have to stay very close to DS.

The dog is a cockapoo and it actually scares me sometimes. Very bad temper.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:30

Sn0wgoose I have already said to DP I don't feel comfortable with DS being around the dog because he is so unpredictable and he agrees. He has tried to talk to his parents about it but they think it will be fine as they have seen him with a baby before but the baby was only there about an hour, not days.

OP posts:
SnakeOnCrack · 14/09/2011 11:31

The dog would be a bit of a concern alright. Have you talked about your concerns with your in laws? Have they seen it jumping up and growling at you?

kat2504 · 14/09/2011 11:32

Again, it seems to be about what his family want. Do they live close to you? If so why do they want you to stay overnight. If not, fair enough but if the dog scares you it would surely scare a little baby?

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:33

They have seen it growling at me and they normally give him into trouble or a tap on the nose for it, but he scares me when they're not around as I really can't control him.

I would end up locking myself in the room with DS while everyone was at work just in case.

OP posts:
SurprisEs · 14/09/2011 11:34

During the day you can ask for the dog to go in the garden, at least until you feel comfortable. During the night close the bedroom door.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:36

Kat At the moment they are about 8 miles away from us and me and DP don't drive so it's quite practical to stay.

We are down to be moved to the same area with the housing association but are still waiting. We're 4th on the list, so if we move soon we wont need to stay which takes away a lot of the worry.

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:37

SurprisEs That's another thing, he scratches on the bedroom door and I would be worried he would scare DS, he barks a lot too...

OP posts:
kat2504 · 14/09/2011 11:38

Can't they come round to you without the dog at first? Eventually if you are going to be round their house the dog will have to get used to the baby. But if you are not happy to be in their house when they are not there because of the dog then DON'T DO IT. If they are only 8 miles away they can come to you.

BertieBotts · 14/09/2011 11:38

Invent an imaginary dog allergy for DS, say your friend's dog set it off. Then stay in a hotel!

Sidge · 14/09/2011 11:39

Umm you can express from birth actually. Women whose babies are in NICU do it all the time.

But it's not something you would do if you wanted to establish breastfeeding from the start.

She is not being remotely reasonable, and neither is your DP. A real baby isn't like a Tiny Tears that you can play mummy with.

OhdearNigel · 14/09/2011 11:39

All you need to say on the topic is "No". Keep on saying it - everyone will eventually get bored and accept that it's never going to happen.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:40

Kat I think at first they will be coming to us. I have told DP I am not happy with DS being around the dog until he is properly trained as well.

Was also worried as this is the house SIL was planning on taking DS for the day.

OP posts:
SurprisEs · 14/09/2011 11:43

Really don't know what else to say apart from please go with your gut instinct at all times and be assertive when telling someone what your decision is/was.

kat2504 · 14/09/2011 11:43

Well since she isn't having him for the day there is no need to worry :)

Is your SIL quite young by any chance? She doesn't seem to have much of a clue, despite working with children.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:44

DP has just came in and I have told him everything said on this thread.

He's now agreeing and actually said he knows his sister is nuts.

I think he'll be sticking up for me more a bit more often from now on.

OP posts:
kat2504 · 14/09/2011 11:44

Fantastic. Well done! :)

OhdearNigel · 14/09/2011 11:45

And you need to start as you mean to go on - otherwise you will end up having to undo interfering families 6 months in...

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:45

Kat She's 25, so not really that young. Very immature though and goes in moods constantly.

OP posts:
diddl · 14/09/2011 11:46

Actually this sounds like the kind of "supportive" family that you can well do without.

All they want is to see/do what they want with the baby on their own terms-and make sure that the dog´s nose isn´t put out of joint.

That´s not supportive, that´s selfish!

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:46

Also, thanks everyone for the advice. :)

It was much easier properly explaining to DP with lots of people to back me up!

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 14/09/2011 11:46

YANBU but she may be well-intentioned. So don't just say fuck off. Say Thank you but fuck off.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 11:47

Really the problem with the dog is DP's DF, it's like his baby and he rarely gives him into trouble, feeds him off his plate etc.

I tried some training with him and it was going well, got him to stop barking at neighbours kids etc but it just got totally thrown in the bin when his DF wouldn't keep it up.

OP posts:
MysteriousHamster · 14/09/2011 11:48

Please just say no.

If you are breastfeeding it will not be possible (even if you did want to express, finding the time to do it is v.hard early on!), and even if you were FF I can't imagine you will want to spend a whole day away from your newborn so early, no matter how tired you are.

Also, you may not actually be home with him while she's off.

I went in for induction on a sunday morning but did not give birth (EMCS) until Tuesday. I wasn't out of hospital until late Thurs, and there is NO WAY I would've let anyone else take my son out the house that Friday! Induction does not always mean go in, give birth, go home the next day.

Please make sure she knows it is not going to happen now. You don't want to argue post-birth when you will be recovering and may agree to something you don't want to do.

Your DP needs to argue for what you want, not what he thinks may help you.