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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking SIL wanting to take (unborn) DS for a day the week he is born isn't normal?

322 replies

SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:32

I'm to be induced the same week my SIL has a week off and she wants to take him for a day that week because she will be off work.

She seems totally adamant and my DP doesn't see a problem with it and thinks it will give me time to relax but I know I just wont want to let go of him so soon.

I had agreed she could take him for a day before I realised she was talking about the week he was going to be born.

I realise she's probably just trying to help and she loves kids but this doesn't seem what would normally happen. God, I have friends who refused to even really see anyone for weeks.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:41

I'm actually wanting to BF more as an excuse. Blush Not just for SIL but for that whole side of the family. They have all been planning on babysitting bloody constantly since they found out I was pg.

I know they mean well but if it went the way they want it they will be with him more than me!

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 14/09/2011 10:42

You won't want to be expressing and introducing a bottle so soon, bottles aren't recommended till past 6 wks if I remember correctly. Or never, if my DD is anything to go by.

RealityVonCrapp · 14/09/2011 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

choceyes · 14/09/2011 10:42

Expressing won't work that early on. INtroducing a bottle that early can lead to nipple confusion anyway.

MissPenteuth · 14/09/2011 10:43

It doesn't really matter what's "normal" tbh (although this definitely sounds bizarre whichever way you slice it); what's important is what you're comfortable with, as a brand new mum of a tiny baby. If you don't like the idea, put your foot down, and make sure DH is on your side too.

PeneloPeePitstop · 14/09/2011 10:43

No, both DP and his sis are a bit.... erm.... out there on this.
That first week is crucial to bonding, getting to know each other.
Absolutely no way anyone should be allowed to interfere with that.

ExpensivePants · 14/09/2011 10:44

Er...no!

Well meaning I'm sure, but utterly totally bonkers.

kelly2000 · 14/09/2011 10:44

No she is being un reasonable, especially as you want to BF. Saying you will just have to pump your breasts for her convienience is out of line. Just say NO, and if she uses the "i want to help" routine, point her to the ironing!
Setting up boundaries now will be better for the future.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:44

He will definitely turn up when she is off as I am being induced in about a week and a half/2 weeks (getting my date today).

I have tried hinting at how I wont want to let go of him and such but she seems set on it and doesn't seem to see that it's not normal to do such a thing so soon after a baby is born and yes he is my first. :)

OP posts:
Greenshadow · 14/09/2011 10:45

YANBU in the slightest.

But you are also very lucky to have so much willing family support around you. Part of me envies you for that.

PuspornInBoots · 14/09/2011 10:45

Um, are you sure she doesn't want to take him and register for child tax credits or something with "Real Baby Evidence" to prove she's had one? Or is she stalking a man and wants to do the doorstep "But what about the Child Of Our Love" scene with your DC as Exhibit A? (I can't think of any other weird and/or wonderful reasons why someone would think borrowing a teeny newborn is a good idea... not arranged in advance like this anyway, not in an emergency)

ExpensivePants · 14/09/2011 10:46

Sorry, don't want to turn this into a bf thread but expressing won't work that early on? Is that true? [no bf support in hospital and mw had a go at me because she made me try to express at less than 24hrs old and nothing happened. Was told I obviously wasn't bothered about trying emoticon]

kat2504 · 14/09/2011 10:46

Surely it will be too early for expressing as it apparently takes time for both of you to get the hang of breastfeeding?

Your DP doesn't know any better at the moment and he will probably also think differently about it when the baby is actually there and he sees what it is really like.

Anyway, it's a complete non starter of an idea. Say no again, mean it this time and tell your DP that there is no chance of it happening and if she wants to help she can come round and do some cooking and cleaning while you and your lovely new baby have a nice snuffle together in bed.

When the baby is a few months old would be a better time to give you a day to yourself and you may well appreciate it by then. But not in the first week. If she is a nursery nurse she ought to know better.

HummusNKetchup · 14/09/2011 10:46

This is a truly crazy idea. I doubt you will want to let your baby out of your sight in the first week. And completely incompatible with breastfeeding. Your SIL sounds unhinged and your DH just hasn't thought this through - I guess if it's your first child he can't be blamed for not really knowing how little people work.

Say no. End of sentence. Show your DH this thread. Put your foot down.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:46

Green See that's what I was thinking. I am very lucky to have so much support and really don't want to offend. Confused

OP posts:
PorkChopSter · 14/09/2011 10:46

Your first week of breast feeding engorged boobs and shredded nipples will not thank you for trying to express. Neither will your baby who will only know some strange bint one that is not you and who does not smell of milk has him.

The first week after birth is mainly spent leaking from your eyes, boobs and fanjo. I cannot being to describe the visceral need you might have not to be parted from your baby, even if you are desperate for the loo or to sleep.

Lancelottie · 14/09/2011 10:47

Don't hint. Tell. 'No, that won't work for me' (that good old MN standby). 'No, I'm not doing that.'

And repeat.

BlueFergie · 14/09/2011 10:47

x post. Expressing ahhh...the non breastfeeders answer to everything.
First - You can't express for a brand new baby, you are not meant to introduce a bottle until at least 5 weeks or it will cause nipple confusion.
Second - Even if you could you would have to express a lot of breast milk for SIL to take the baby for a day. How will you do this as well as coping with a new born? You will be feeding and expressing almost non stop from when baby is born. This will incidenly completely feck up your supply.
Third - When the baby is gone you will have to pump all the time to relieve the pain of full breasts as well as making sure supply doesn't dry up. So not much of a break.
You need to work at establishing breastfeeding. Letting the baby go for the day will completely fuck this up.
Do not do it.

RealityVonCrapp · 14/09/2011 10:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nurdle · 14/09/2011 10:48

YANBU this to me is just odd, why does she want to do it so soon? The first FEW weeks are the time when you are bonding with your new baby and being away from you for a full day is too long in my opinion. I let my daughter go with MIL for the day around 4 weeks and that was a big mistake, it was for too long and too soon. MIL took her for a day a week for about 4 weeks then I put a stop to it because the baby was very unhappy, she screamed as soon as she saw MIL because she thought she was getting taken away again and sobbed in her sleep when she was brought home, to this day she wont be held by her (she is now almost 6 months). I would be strong from the start and just say you wont be ready for her to be away from you and YOU will let her know when you are

Lancelottie · 14/09/2011 10:49

Think of it, if you like, as your first practice at standing firm in the face of unreasonable demands.

You are going to need this all the time occasionally as your child gets older.

WidowWadman · 14/09/2011 10:49

I'm normally in the "it's great they want to babysit, be grateful" camp but this is utterly utterly bonkers with knobs on.

I'm sure they mean well, but both your sister in law and your husband seem to be very naive.

AtYourCervix · 14/09/2011 10:49

Go for a Lotus Birth. The drying placenta danling from your baby will probably put her off wanting to get too close for a few days.

Original poster
SchrodingersMew · 14/09/2011 10:50

Pusporn No, she just loves kids.

And thanks for all the advice everyone about expressing, I have been producing lots of milk since 18 weeks (actually have a bottle full from this morning) so I guess DP had just assumed I would be able to.

I think my DP just hasn't realised anything wrong as he sees how exhausted I am at the moment and assumes the break and rest will be nice. And also, because he isn't born yet I guess he hasn't bonded yet.

OP posts:
ExpensivePants · 14/09/2011 10:51

Bastards Angry Those mws reduced me to a sobbing wreck over that.

Sory for hijack Blush

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