AIBU to be furious that my DH has been emailing his ex?

[Toplistmaker]

My DH of 2 years has been mailing his ex a lot, he also sent her a package of some old stuff of hers he recently found and sends her pictures of our 1yr old daughter.. I read the e-mails today and I'm seething, we've argued over this before and he said he wouldnt talk to her anymore.. but he has been.. even two days after our baby was born he e-mailed her. Its such a big issue between us now, and it keeps coming up over & over again, if I ever come into the room he hides his screen.. locks his phone all the time now.. I am so angry with him, and so sad that we're like this. : (

[smallmotherbigheart]

Perhaps you have a good reason for it, who to say you should be ashamed xx

Just one thing though.... bitterness is bad for you, dont hang on to it for too long x

[Toplistmaker]

Thank you ladies & gents for all your replies! Am a bit overwhelmed : )
Pigletmania & IzzyWhizzy thank you for your sympathy & clear headedness..you made a very difficult time more bearable!
Widow I am happy for you that you have a perfect marriage with a perfectly tolerant & understanding partner and some lovely exes too, wow, it must be great to feel 100% secure, all the time. : )

To be clear e-mails were kept secret, he accidentaly left his account open, & yes, I looked. The EX from Hell (as she shall henceforth be known) disliked me from the beginning, it was only after several incidents that I asked DH to stop talking to her about us. We have discussed it at length, he is very apolagetic & says there will be no further coms.. he has also mailed the Ex to tell her this. My DH & I both have some thinking to do

[smallmotherbigheart]

hpefully it all works out for you xx

[Tiredmumno1]

Toplist i am glad it has been discussed and its being sorted, it does not matter how big or small a problem is in a relationship as long as both of you recognise it is a problem and you both do your best to resolve it, thats all that matters

[pigletmania]

That is good toplister, its good that he is respecting you, after all its you who he made the commitment of marriage to. compromise and communication is key in a good marriage me thinks, but this one cannot be compromised on Good luck .

[Toplistmaker]

smallmotherbig heart & tiredmum Thank you & yes pigletmania you're absolutely right on that one! : )

[PerryCombover]

Right first off why is this in AIBU?? Should be in relationships and there is no question.

People sometimes like to examine the past. Sometimes it really really reminds them why the present is so good.
Sometimes it's an ego stroke
Sometimes they were hurt by the other person and that hurt never properly healed and they feel the need to keep a channel open with the person that hurt them hoping that they will do the right thing

If he's isn't deleting the emails you have nowt to worry about

I will not ever be told who I can be friends with. Ever.
I always lock my phone etc
I have never been unfaithful

Worrying and snooping will not stop someone from having an affair. It will drive you insane and ruin your mind and relationship

He sounds all right but daft. Don't issue ultimatums over silly things like this ex. Ignore it and live for the right now.

[Tiredmumno1]

Perry the question is in the title!estion is in the title!

[pigletmania]

Well in this case its all or nothing, and good thing that op dh has chosen to cut contact and concentrate on their marriage, This is one relationshiop that will not do it any good for the simple reason that they can never be friends due to the ex feelings towards the op and dh.

[lostintransition]

Toplist I'm glad you've discussed it and are working on it. Just keep talking. :)

[Toplistmaker]

Thanks lostintranslation, : )

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

Wow, you sure have some load to wade through, honey. No wonder you feel overwhelmed.

As you've said, the pair of you need to do some thinking - but don't overlook the importance of talking; not in a ranty, ultimatum/dealbraker way, but in having the chutzpah to be honest with each other because if we keep secrets from our loved ones, we can never be truly intimate with them.

I hope the ex from hell will now close the door on the past, and direct her attention to her current relationship.