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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that most very young children don't routinely go to their grandparents for overnight stays?

157 replies

EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:03

MIL was telling me about her DNiece, whose 1yo DS has "only just" been allowed to stay overnight with his grandmother. MIL was clearly amazed that the baby had been allowed to get to a year before being granted a sleepover with his GPs. Not to stay for any reason, just because the grandmother "wanted" him for the night.

I expressed mild surprise, saying I didn't think it was at all common to send very young children off to their GPs for overnight stays unless there was a particular reason eg work trips away, sleep deprivation getting too much etc. We agreed to disagree.

Is this the norm? It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

OP posts:

MogTheForgetfulCat · 14/08/2011 22:05

Blimey, mine only started going for overnighters to my mum's at about 3 or so. Don't think she would have wanted them before then .

thisisyesterday · 14/08/2011 22:06

not the norm here, but that's mainly because mine were breastfed (except ds1) so i wouldn't have left them overnight with anyone anyway (unless i absolutely had to) when they were that young

ds1 was probably 4 i think when he first did an overnight stay. ds2 still hasn't and he'll be 4 in october.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 14/08/2011 22:07

In-laws have had my nephew Saturday nights since he was a few months old.

Mine have been to my parents occasionally, say five times a year or so, but only since I stopped feeding them at aged 1.

mercibucket · 14/08/2011 22:08

Can be normal from pretty much birth some places- seems to depend family by family, area by area

mercibucket · 14/08/2011 22:08

Can be normal from pretty much birth some places- seems to depend family by family, area by area

Thefoxsbrush · 14/08/2011 22:08

My 3 children have a sleepover about every 3-4 weeks at either my parents or DH's parents so we can enjoy a date night! Grandparents love having them, children adore going and I like to go out once a month for a nice grown up meal with my husband. My children are 4, 2 and 7 month btw and I know I am very lucky

YouDoTheMath · 14/08/2011 22:08

My parents have often had DD for the night since she was about 3 months old. She's now 15 months.

They do it because a) they love it and b) it means DP and I can have an evening to ourselves, go to cinema / dinner / pub with friends etc.

naturalbaby · 14/08/2011 22:09

my oldest is 3 and none of them have spent a night away. might do it in 6months time but at our house, so me and dh having a night away.

we never did it as kids but dh did so mil sees it as the 'norm' but she was from a big family with lots of close relatives so it was easy to do on a regular basis.

exoticfruits · 14/08/2011 22:10

Once I stopped bfeeding they went, lovely for the DCs and the grandparents to have time to themselves without me. It was just 'home from home'. It depends on how close they live.

Tommy · 14/08/2011 22:10

my Mum had DS1 overnight when he was about 2
the next time she had him was a few weeks ago (he is 9 1/2)

I know plenty of GPs who have their granchildren overnight very regularly but unfortunately, none of them are my DSs' grandparents.....

I never stayed overnight at my grandparents

festi · 14/08/2011 22:11

it may not be normal for some but normal for others I hope you didnt express what you put in your OP to your MIL as it sounds like you are using her for your own means and not considering her desire, or need to have a relationship with DCs.

squeakytoy · 14/08/2011 22:11

YANBU.. as a child I went to stay at my grandparents, on my own for the first time, from the age of about 6, as my parents worked, and they were happy to have me stay during school holidays, or part of them. Before that, my parents simply had a babysitter at home, and I was in my own bed every night, and my parents were at home every night.

skybluepearl · 14/08/2011 22:12

no it's not the norm for us anyway

Aftereightsaremine · 14/08/2011 22:12

Mine started staying over at my mums at around 3 months old, they tended to spend most Saturday nights there & it definitely helped them create a strong bond with my parents. Their relationship with inlaws is nowhere near as strong. My sis kids also stayed over with gps from a young age & again the bond is there.

evenlessnarkypuffin · 14/08/2011 22:13

Nope. Not the norm here or in mine and DH's extended family. They might babysit for the evening but not overnight.

fedupofnamechanging · 14/08/2011 22:13

Mine (when very young) only stayed overnight with my parents when I was in hospital having their siblings. I think they were about 7 or 8 when they stayed over just because they wanted to and not for a specific reason.

They have never stayed overnight with my MIL and my oldest is 14 now.

Beamur · 14/08/2011 22:13

My DD (4) has never slept away from home without me. I bf until she was 2.5, my Mum lives just down the road and sees her several times a week anyway and DP's parents live a long way away and are elderly so it doesn't really work for us! My Mum will come and sleep at my house if we want to go out for the evening.
I'd like DD to be able to stay at her GP's but think it will be a couple of years yet before it happens.

exoticfruits · 14/08/2011 22:13

It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

I did it for the DCs-not me.

EuphemiaMcGonagall · 14/08/2011 22:14

DD was 4 before she went overnight to GPs'. She's now 9 and hasn't stayed at MIL's for 4.5 years or my parents' for nearly a year, owing to various illnesses and a certain amount of laziness on MIL's part.

It's the end of the school holidays and DH and I have had no time to ourselves. We're shattered. Those of you who get regular sleepovers are v v v lucky!

halcyondays · 14/08/2011 22:14

Don't think there is a norm, some do, some don't. Mine couldn't have gone as young babies because of BFing, but tbh, I envy anybody that has the option of doing it.

BuckBuckMcFate · 14/08/2011 22:14

My school age DC stay at my Mum's house usually once a week and then with DP's grandparents roughly once a month.

DS3 is 9 months so he stays with us as he's still breastfeeding all night long

As soon as I stop feeding they have all gone to my Mum for sleepovers. She hated having to wait til DD was over 2.

I'm very lucky as my mum loves having them and they have their own bedroom at hers too.

BuntyPenfold · 14/08/2011 22:15

my grandson is 4 and has stayed overnight twice, and will again soon. we love to have him and it is good practice for if family stays in hospital, for example (anticipating c section etc).

GwendolenHarleth · 14/08/2011 22:16

Mine were ready to do this from about 4 years old.

CRS · 14/08/2011 22:17

My son stayed over regularly from about 3 months old (maybe once a month) and I lived at my parents' house with him til then before I moved into my own flat.

He actually lived with my parents four nights a week (Monday to Thursday) when my partner and I went to do our PGCEs in a different town for a year when he was 3, which was hard for us, but he has a fantastically close relatonship with his grandparents on my side(close to partner's mum and dad too, but not as much as my parents, at whose house he still has his own bedroom). Now (aged nearly 11) he goes for a sleepover about once a month, and usually a week - 10 days in the Summer holidays.

As a child, my brothers and I often stayed at our paternal grandparents' home, but not my mum's parents. I guess it just varies from family to family.

WhiteTrash · 14/08/2011 22:17

Tbh I didnt realise it was all that common full stop. My kids have never stayed at their GP's on either side. Not while we arent with them.

My mum, while she does love her GC's would never ask to have my boys over night. Yet as a child my brothers and I were always palmed off to our crazy GP's. Meh, what can you do. Id prefer my kids to be with me anyway.

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