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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most very young children don't routinely go to their grandparents for overnight stays?

157 replies

EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:03

MIL was telling me about her DNiece, whose 1yo DS has "only just" been allowed to stay overnight with his grandmother. MIL was clearly amazed that the baby had been allowed to get to a year before being granted a sleepover with his GPs. Not to stay for any reason, just because the grandmother "wanted" him for the night.

I expressed mild surprise, saying I didn't think it was at all common to send very young children off to their GPs for overnight stays unless there was a particular reason eg work trips away, sleep deprivation getting too much etc. We agreed to disagree.

Is this the norm? It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

OP posts:
DawnTiggaFashionGoddess · 15/08/2011 09:28

Depends on the family I guess. The Cub is 2.4 and won't be stopping over at his nana's until he's old enough to understand what's going on.

EachToTheirOwnTiggaxx

Bubbaluv · 16/08/2011 03:36

I agree, each to their own, but if you plan to do it down the track, it's much easier if it's the norm from before they know what's going on. Easier for everyone.

CheerfulYank · 16/08/2011 03:56

DS first stayed over at ILs before he was 1, I think. They live really close by. He goes to stay for extended weekends at my parents quite often and has since he was 2 or so. They live 5 hours away and so don't get to see him as often as they'd like.

InTheNightKitchen · 16/08/2011 08:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

messymammy · 16/08/2011 09:50

I stayed with my grandparents quite a lot as a child, so the norm with us, butnot from very young, maybe 2 or 3?
I lived with my mum until dd1 was 4.5
When I moved out my mum missed her terribly and even this week, dd1 has stayed 2 nights. Dd1 is 11months and has only stayed once.
It think my mum is more comfortable with toddlers and kids as she can get some fun out of them iykwim?
We are going to a wedding in December for 2 nights and my mum is lined up to mind the dds for that, and while dd1 will probably stay lots more nights in between, dd2 won't I don't think until then.

They will have a very different relationship.

Moulesfrites · 16/08/2011 09:58

This is a bit of a touchy subject with me ATM! My ds is 7 mo. He is not sleeping through and ebf and my pils were moaning about this at the weekend saying it was a shame as it means they can't have him overnight! I would never consider this at his age anyway and thought it was so presumptuous. However, it is probably because they have lookedvafter bil's 2 dds pretty much from birth!

MrsHicks · 16/08/2011 10:11

Think whether they're breastfed or not is the big deciding factor. I used to stay overnight with my son at my parents house when he was still breastfed, but well over a year old so he got to enjoy it. The first time he stayed on his own was when he was 3 (beginning of the year) and he loved it and now stays with them regularly which they all enjoy. I

notcitrus · 16/08/2011 10:19

Ds had one night at his GPs around 13 months (still breastfed a bit but I coped with a night off), and then two nights a few months later - he stays overnight once every 6 months or so.
We built up slowly with lots of visits and GPs being responsible for a couple hours to a whole day (with big lecture when they didn't change his nappy once for ages - I phoned them daily for the next week telling them about his terrible painful nappy rash - which he didn't actually have but it made the point!)

On the other hand SIL has had her ds spend a day a week with GPs from near birth and loads of overnights, nearly once a week from a couple months and a whole week at around 4 months. And BIL and SIL still complain it's such hard work having a child!

CMOTdibbler · 16/08/2011 10:24

I'd love for the gps to want to have ds overnight Sad. He's 5, and has spent one night with gps ever - and that we had to beg for.
Fortunatly, his best friends parents love having him sleepover, so we exchange children fairly regularly

pointythings · 16/08/2011 11:36

Mine (8 and 10) have only just gone for a fortnight, but then my parents live in the Netherlands so hardly next door.

Original poster
EdnaKrabappel · 16/08/2011 11:46

InTheNightKitchen - I take offence at your post. In what way am I suggesting that anyone in my or my in-laws' family is a paedophile?

If this is a stupid thread, then so are 99% of those on Mumsnet. MIL and I had a difference of opinion and I was interested in what other people's "norm" is. I'm not criticising anyone, just intrigued as it hadn't occured to me to send ds for sleepovers when he was tiny but MIL clearly felt it was very odd that her niece (and therefore me too I guess) hadn't let her mother have the baby overnight before he was one.

Sheesh. Why are there always people on MN who have to leap on threads telling people to mind their own business / not post / not wonder about anything. It's just idle chat! Don't post if you think it's that stupid!

OP posts:
Woodlands · 16/08/2011 11:47

My MIL is desperate to have DS to stay overnight, but he doesn't see them often as they live 100 miles away, so I don't know when we might do this. I'm still BFing anyway (he's 13 months) with no plans to stop any time soon. We're about to go on holiday with them for a week and I'm very happy for her to look after him to her heart's content! Can't wait for a couple of evenings out with DH!

nancy75 · 16/08/2011 11:51

my dd stayed with my parents when she was about a week old - I needed the sleep! she is 6 now and has regularly stayed with my mum & Dad since she was a baby. My in laws live in Australia, and I have to admit I probably would have been more reluctant to let her stay with them - not because there is anything wrong with them, but obviously I know my parents better!

RitaMorgan · 16/08/2011 11:56

I don't know if there's a norm, although the two other babies the same age as ds I know (12 months) have both stayed overnight with grandparents.

My ds has done 2 overnights, one at 6 months and one at about 10 months I think, despite being breastfed. He's going to stay with his grandma again in a couple of weeks.

mrskbpw · 16/08/2011 11:57

My older son, who is four, stays with my parents every now and then - they love it and so does he. He is a terrible sleeper so we quite like it, too. It's my birthday in a few weeks and I'm really hoping my parents will have both my boys (little one will be 19 months then and is thankfully a great sleeper) overnight for the first time.

Until very recently - maybe even as recently as last week - I was fine with the whole sleep deprivation thing, but I think I've finally reached rock bottom and after four years of broken nights, the thought of a proper night's sleep and maybe even a LIE IN is more appealing even than a saucy night with my husband!

Francagoestohollywood · 16/08/2011 12:06

Well, mine didn't go that often when they were babies because they were breastfed and we were living in the UK, while our families where in Italy.

Our first stayed for the first time overnight with my parents when he was about 10 months, all concerned were delighted.

loopylou6 · 16/08/2011 12:53

My 2 dc are very close to their gp ( my m&d) they stay there every Friday, most Saturdays too, not coming back till Sunday afternoon, and they go for their tea on a Tuesday.

In school hols they also stay a lot in the week, like they will be going there this afternoon and prob won't be back till Thursday morning.

pranma · 16/08/2011 13:17

My dd's inlaws have the boys[2 and 4] overnight occasionally and I do a couple of days a week but no sleepovers.We just try to fit in with what the parents want/need.I will babysit as often as they like but prefer to do it at their house.Dh and I have slept there once so dd and ds-i-l could stay out.
No rules just common sense :)

flyingspaghettimonster · 16/08/2011 14:04

between 2-3 years before I let mine sleep over, largely due to breast feeding. My youngest gets to sleep over soon - finally a child free night for us!!

doesthisseemright · 16/08/2011 14:05

Mine has never been overnight with his GPs

lilystar · 16/08/2011 14:18

My mil was desperate to have DS to stay when he was born - he went once at about 5 months, and again at about 1 yr, and nothing since, as my dsil had her first then, so my ds was replaced. DD has never been there. PILs live 5 mins away but have no interest in seeing their dgcs and make no effort to interact with them when we go there. They only ever come here a few days after their birthdays to bring a card.

DS has stayed at my parents since he was about 18mths, they live about 3 hrs away. Since DD got to about 18mths they have both gone, and now they are 5 and 7, they go for about 5 days at a time, as my parents live at the seaside. Sometimes we all go, sometimes I go too if DH is working, sometimes just the kids go and I get a few days peace. Kids both adore going to my parents and see it as a holiday each time.

Stillsmiling78 · 26/08/2012 20:37

YANBU. My MIL is insistent on buying a second hand cot bed (and mattress!) for my 7 mth old. I am still bfeeding and have no intention of letting her stay over until that finishes say next year. They live over two hours away so I can see why they might think it will be good to have her stay over. I also appreciate that she wants to help but I find her quite claustrophic after she moved in to help us for 4 days a week for two months after returning home from hospital.
I am so pleased to hear someone else asking this question.

RaisinDEtre · 26/08/2012 20:39

oh for crying out loud

Zombie thread folks

BonkeyMollocks · 26/08/2012 20:42
Hmm
RaisinDEtre · 26/08/2012 20:43

hope that's not a hmm face for me [anxious]

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