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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that most very young children don't routinely go to their grandparents for overnight stays?

157 replies

EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:03

MIL was telling me about her DNiece, whose 1yo DS has "only just" been allowed to stay overnight with his grandmother. MIL was clearly amazed that the baby had been allowed to get to a year before being granted a sleepover with his GPs. Not to stay for any reason, just because the grandmother "wanted" him for the night.

I expressed mild surprise, saying I didn't think it was at all common to send very young children off to their GPs for overnight stays unless there was a particular reason eg work trips away, sleep deprivation getting too much etc. We agreed to disagree.

Is this the norm? It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

OP posts:

Tuppence2 · 14/08/2011 23:21

I used to stay with my GPs every Saturday night as my mum did bar work (single parent), but I also would often stay on a Friday night to give my mum a break, and even if she had a Saturday night off, I would still stay with Gps as it was my routine! Even when I was old enough to stay in on my own, I would often go stay there.
My mum often has my dd from Friday evening until Sunday, when I go up for lunch. It gives me a chance to catch up with friends, DP (don't live together), and more often than not, I get an early night/ lie in to catch up on sleep! (though I have been known once or twice, to also end up sleeping at mums house with dd on a Saturday night!)

jesuswhatnext · 14/08/2011 23:23

depends on the family and if the child is happy being away from home - we are a large family of enthusiastic 'baby shufflers' im about to have a tribe of small nephews for a camp out (from several different sides) we have had them overnight as quite tiny babies, our dd was 'shuffled' about quite a bit as a small baby, my parents in particular are very grandchildren oreientated and have fantastic relationships with all their gdcs, my dd is the eldest (19) and has just given up her room at grandparents house to make way for her cousin to have it when she wants to stay

L8rAllig8r · 14/08/2011 23:28

Every so often from 3 months old, now at 2.9yrs it's once a week. Purely on my parents part, they just want him there, it's not so I can go out, although they will gladly have him on the rare occasions I do venture out.

All families are different, so I wouldn't like to guess if it's normal or odd! Works for us. I feel very lucky that he has such loving grandparents.

learningtofly · 14/08/2011 23:29

DS, now very nearly two, stopped over with my sister and bil first at 5 months old when we went to Edinburgh to watch the rugby. He has had probably 6 overnight stops since then between them and my dad for weddings and big birthdays (dhs 40th) and when we both look like we could do with a rest!

but I should add we all live in the same village (within half a mile) see each other regularly and Ds is happy and content when he does stay over. I gave no problem with it, it makes me a appreciate him even more

MadStaringEyes · 14/08/2011 23:31

Oh I should add that my parents see my boys daily, lives less than a mile from my house, and even delivered ds2. In her words, she's 'done her time', it's my turn now.

CurrySpice · 14/08/2011 23:32

"And their was me thinking we were visiting PIL, not going to enjoy ourselves!"

No, heaven forfend that you should have a good time at the ILs scaredycat :o

MsScarlettInTheLibrary · 14/08/2011 23:40

More baby shufflers here. Several children in the family round the same age, all under five at the moment, all used to sleeping at GPs or aunt and uncles houses with the other kids from a young age - we also all holiday together in adjoining cottages and only know what child is sleeping in what house about 5 minutes before they crash out. Close family, two childcare professionals amongst us, everyone watching out for the kids, regular days out together, regular sleepovers and everyone is totally happy with this.

Morloth · 14/08/2011 23:49

Kids get passed around here, large close family.

Lots of cousins and they all like to have sleepovers when they are allowed - have done pre 1 year but prefer not to really as both mine were still breastfeeding at night then.

JockTamsonsBairns · 14/08/2011 23:52

Dd1(13) loves going to stay with my mum, and has done since she was about 7 or 8. Mum lives alone and loves the company, and Dd adores going - she gets peace and quiet there, is able to watch dvd's in bed, and Mum brings her breakfast in bed on a tray . They have a fantastically close relationship which is lovely. There's no way my mum would be able to take Ds1(4) or Dd2(2) overnight, she's never offered and I wouldn't ask. She's getting older, and doesn't have the energy required for them.

MIL has recently started to take Ds for maybe one or two overnights a month, he really enjoys going, and has started to ask if he can go and stay which is of course absolutely fine with me. MIL is much fitter than my mum, and seems better able to cope with the demands of a pre-schooler. She has said she doesn't want to take Dd2 yet, she's just turned two and not yet quite able to always verbalise what's wrong when she cries - think MIL finds the crying stressful. Again, fine by me - I understand this. Dd1 not so keen to stay with MIL, they're not hugely close, and MIL doesn't really 'get' teenagers.

It seems normal amongst my friends for GP's to take their Dgc's regularly, and from quite a young age. Sometimes I'm quite envious of this - DH and I haven't had an overnight break together for five years since I was pg with DS. All families work differently I suppose.

TillyIpswitch · 14/08/2011 23:58

DS is 2.5 and DD is 1 (still breastfed) and neither have spent a night away from us. Mainly because GPs don't live close by - until recently both in other countries; now we're in the same country as my Dad but still a 6-hour drive away.

To be honest, I'm not ready for it - DH's parents are coming for an extended stay in about 4-5 months' time and he has suggested we have a night away, but the idea fills me with dread - mainly because I think DD will still be having at least night time and morning feeds and has never had a bottle in her life. Plus, unlike DS, she is very clingy; very much a mummy's girl and I would spend the whole time on edge, unrelaxed and not able to enjoy myself at all. Issues!!

In truth, I'm not bothered by it, since they're both really still so young and there's years and years ahead for all that. We stayed over with aunts and uncles and our parents' friends as kids and loved it so it is definitely something I want to do when the time is right.

itsybitsy08 · 15/08/2011 00:02

I live one street over from my mam and dad. When I stopped bf DD at about 9/10 months she started to sleep over. She had a cot in their room, now has her own bedroom. Probably once or twice a week she stays with them. She loves it and is very very close to grandy and grandma! She also goes on holiday with them - she went camping last year, stayed on a farm with them the year before and has just came back from a week in the caravan this year.
Thats just the way it is and I can not imagine it any other way.
Maybe because they are young - only in their late 40's and dont fit the typical grandparents stereotype!
I wouldnt leave her with anyone else though.

raffle · 15/08/2011 00:06

DS went to my parents for an over night from about 6 months old. They love him, completely and totally. To be fair, he is a wee bit addictive (being obviously the cutest baby ever born) so I understand their thirst for him! It would be really U for me to keep him to ourselves when my parents love him so much.

pissedrightoff · 15/08/2011 00:11

My DD stayed with MIL at 5 weeks old and every 4 or 5 weeks since for at least 2 nights.
DD just spent a week with my parents.
MIL has today taken DD (just turned 2) and DS (14 weeks) to stay at hers for a few nights.

When I was little I spent most weekends at GP's, just because they wanted to have me.
Perfectly normal in my life but all grandparents/parents are different.

My best friend didn't spend one night away from her DD until she was 7yo.

Darnsarfupnorf · 15/08/2011 00:35

Thankyou for this thread! Ive been made to feel like the biggest bitch in th world because i dont see the point in DD (4mo) going to nannys for the night!

she lives litteraly 5 minutes walk down the road and has to leave for work uber early so id have to be up to collect her at 5 in the morning. no thank you!

when shes older and knows whats going on then fine but i dont see the point in a tiny baby being seperated from her mum for the night for no reason tbh

Bubbaluv · 15/08/2011 01:13

Darnsupnorf - I think most people here have said that everyone is different haven't they? Why would you feel like a bitch for not wanting to schelp down the road to your Mums at 5am?
No one has said they do it for no reason at all, they all have their own reasons for doing it or not. Why are you taking offence?
If you want to do it then organise it for a night when your Mum won't be working the next day. If you don't want to then don't, but try to lighten up on yourself!

Bubbaluv · 15/08/2011 01:14

Sorry - got your name wrong and meant to say schlep not schelp. I need a night off!
Muuuuuuum!!!!

Darnsarfupnorf · 15/08/2011 01:21

i feel like a bitch because shes pressuring me and does this pathetic thing when she does it and looks like shes going to cry. shes not my mum shes the MIL which is worse because if it was my own mum i wouldnt feel bad about telling her straight which is daft really because i should just be honest

dont get me wrong i want dd to have a good relationship with her and when shes old enough to enjoy it properly then id have no problem with her having sleep overs with nanny. im going to stop now because this is going to turn into a 'moan at the MIL' thread and god knows ive contributed to enough of them!

MrsDistinctlyMintyMonetarism · 15/08/2011 01:58

Hangs head in shame (or is it despair?) that my two dc have never spent a night at a sleepover anywhere and they are nearly 8 and 6.

The elder was the worlds worst sleeper (not a night through until nearly 6), and as both sets of parents are over 2 hours away it has never been practical.

I spent lots of time with my gran growing up, so I do feel quite sad about it. But the kids don't want to go, and my mum has said she's not up to it (is mid 50s), so there we go.

Ivortheengine8 · 15/08/2011 06:35

Darn, I agree with you 4 months is too young. :( She should understand that. Did she sleep over at her GP's when she was that age? I don't blame you at all not wanting to!

RalphGnu · 15/08/2011 06:40

DS has spent a night a week at his GP's since he was 2 weeks old, partly because they only live a couple of streets away, I was nearly hallucinating through lack of sleep and because I could tell MIL was itching to have him.

They still have him over once a week when DP and I both have work; it works really well and I love how close they are; they are DS's only GPs as my parents have both passed away so I think it's very important they have a close relationship.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 15/08/2011 06:46

My Mum had DD once when she was about 7 months, so DH and I could have a special date night out at a hotel, etc. DD was happy to co-sleep then, so all good. Now she's bigger (almost 3), she doesn't stay over because my Mum only has one bed and no room for a single or toddler bed in her little house. They're very close, they spend time together alone every week and have done since DD was a few months old, but I don't really see why a 'sleepover' is this magic thing. What's so magic? They're asleep!

exoticfruits · 15/08/2011 07:44

I would make the most of it early-I have a big age gap and the grandparents were great with the eldest, but just too old with the youngest.

EssentialFattyAcid · 15/08/2011 07:59

My dd stayed one night a week with my parents from babyhood to age ten. She doesn't go as often anymore but still enjoys it.

msbuggywinkle · 15/08/2011 08:09

Our DDs are the only Grandchildren on both sides, but PIL don't have room for them and my Mum has a new partner so is doing all of the constant evenings out etc, so doesn't really want them!

Wouldn't trust my sister with them, she doesn't like children and gets exasperated quickly...I'd expect a phone call getting me to pick them back up again within an hour as they would want to bounce around playing with her dog!

NorfolkNChance · 15/08/2011 08:14

If distance wasn't a problem DD would have stayed at her GPs before now. As it is she hasn't and is nearly 2. We are hoping for her to stay with DH's parents for my 30th birthday so we can have a weekend away.

My parents live 3 hours away so a bit more tricky but definitely when she is older.

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