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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most very young children don't routinely go to their grandparents for overnight stays?

157 replies

EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:03

MIL was telling me about her DNiece, whose 1yo DS has "only just" been allowed to stay overnight with his grandmother. MIL was clearly amazed that the baby had been allowed to get to a year before being granted a sleepover with his GPs. Not to stay for any reason, just because the grandmother "wanted" him for the night.

I expressed mild surprise, saying I didn't think it was at all common to send very young children off to their GPs for overnight stays unless there was a particular reason eg work trips away, sleep deprivation getting too much etc. We agreed to disagree.

Is this the norm? It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 14/08/2011 22:31

I have had both my grandsons stay overnight quite often from when they were a few months old

Firawla · 14/08/2011 22:33

my oldest is 3 and they have never stayed without us, i think its still too young. will reconsider when they are a bit bigger. my mum would like to have them to stay by themselves i think but they live quite far away so i wouldnt be happy with it so young, if they were local maybe different.

lockets · 14/08/2011 22:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Henwelly · 14/08/2011 22:33

My mum loves having DC and had them from about 6 months overnight - DS stayed over their last night just because he wanted to - meant DD had an impromptu girly night with mummy!!

lockets · 14/08/2011 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 14/08/2011 22:35

It should not matter what anybody feels about this, its up to the parents if they want their dc to sleep over night.

simpson · 14/08/2011 22:35

My DC (5 & 3.5) stay over at my mum's about every 3-4wks. They were there last night...

They have been doing this since the youngest was about 18mths.

My mum does only live 30mins away though Smile

IgnoringTheChildren · 14/08/2011 22:35

DS1 is 4 and hasn't ever spent the night at GPs without us. From my group of friends the ones whose parents live nearby have had them look after their DC overnight and those whose parents live further away haven't.

When my DSs are older (and want to) I expect that they'll go to stay with my PIL for a week during the summer hols. TBH I'm not sure that I'd have sent DS1 to stay with GPs when he was a baby even if they did live nearby. I would have had them over to babysitter loads though!

Original poster
EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:36

notletting - kickingking sums it up for me very well with "I had friends asking me when my son would be staying over at my parents when he was days old and trying to convince me I would enjoy the break - he'd only just got here, why would I want to send him away?!" Also - encouraging independence is fine, but not particularly necessary for a baby surely?

as an aside, ds is now 4 and loves going to stay with GPs without his parents, but he asks to do so. A year ago would have been a different matter. I just waited until he was ready. if we lived v near GPs that would be different.

OP posts:
Knackeredmother · 14/08/2011 22:37

Not the norm for us, my dad has babysat once in 4 years although I have been breastfeeding different dc for most of that time.
However, it DOES seem to be the norm for most of my friends.

AnnoyingOrange · 14/08/2011 22:38

mine have never stayed over at GPs

Lonnie · 14/08/2011 22:41

Mine stay at my mil but only once they have been past 8/9 Mil however has just turned 82 I think that needs to be taken into account.

I know she had her grandsons (bils 2 sons and sils 2 sons) a lot more but they are mid 20's and late teens so she was a lot younger..

She is a involved and loving grandmother and will and have dropped everything to come help if there is any issue.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 14/08/2011 22:42

Dd is 10 and sleeps at my Mums every 4 or 5 weeks- sometimes at Grandma's request, sometimes if DH and I have planned a night out. She has done since I stopped bf at about 6mo.

She has her own room there- complete with toys and bunk bed and decor she chose herself. My Mum is fab, she and dd have a fantastic, close relationship.

Most of my friend's children have fairly regular sleepovers at their GPs too. Interestingly, it seems to be the maternal gps in most cases.
Dd only sees her paternal gps once or twice a year, despite them living less than 6 or 7 miles away.

bilblio · 14/08/2011 22:44

DD (4) spends the night, or a few nights at GP's quite regularly, probably 1 or 2 weekends a month. Both GP's live about an hour away so it means they can spend some quality time with her and she gets to play with her cousins. They'd both have her much more often if they could.

She was at least 9 months old before we started doing that though because I was bfing.

I'm winding down for Mat leave now but I used to work either 5 or 6 days a week and did a sleep-in shift once a week. DD would usually go on nights I was at work so I could get some rest the next day and DH who's a SAHD had a break too... or he would go with her to his parents and see his friends who live over there.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 14/08/2011 22:45

To add, my Mum lives nearby- the next village.

MissMarjoribanks · 14/08/2011 22:46

Not the norm for us. DH asked me if I wanted to ask PIL if they wanted DS for the night a couple of months ago, whilst we went out and I said no (he would have been 16mo). For some reason, I feel that DS should be able to tell them what he wants e.g. if he wakes in the night he can ask for a drink, or a cuddle, or whatever, rather than them distressing him by him being in an unfamiliar place with them running through all the things that could be wrong. Nothing rational about it, I'm one of the least PFB people I know otherwise.

My parents live too far away for this to be logistically sensible at the moment, though the same would apply.

I'm counting on having DS (and any future DC) stay with both sets of GPs for a week or so over school holidays though to reduce the burden on our annual leave! That would only be if they wanted to though.

maighdlin · 14/08/2011 22:50

my mum wanted to take DD for the night when she was 8 days old!! she is called the child stealer by my family. i think she was about 2 months old when she first stayed overnight and my mum has her about once a week. it was about the same with DNeice, but DSis lives a bit further away than i do so she would take DNeice for two nights, mind you she takes DD two nights often enough as well. she is just mad about babies and had a hard time when DD was born and then recently separated from my dad so she is in the house on her own and she doesn't work, she likes having them around her during the day and not waking up to an empty house. however i do not know anyone else whose parents would take the GCs overnight as much as my mum does.

UKSky · 14/08/2011 22:51

DD first stayed with my Mum when she was 10 months old. She stayed for 2 nights and slept far better and went off to sleep with less hassle than at home. She has since stayed for a further night. But she sees my mum every week and absolutely adores her (I don't even register when her NanNan is around).

PIL looked after her one night at our house and it wasn't too much of a success. Whilst they are very active and healthy for their ages they found it more tiring than they thought it would be.

As kids my brothers, cousins and I (all 8 of us) from a very young age were shipped to our grandparent for a good portion of each holiday.

Bubbaluv · 14/08/2011 22:53

Totally normal in my group of friends/aquaintances. Most of the Mums I know started GP sleepovers shortly after they stopped bfing. Some started it before they stopped bfing (expressed).
Obvously a lot depends on your relationship with the GPs and whether they are capable.
If the gps are good, capable, loving people then I see no reason why any parent wouldn't jump at the chance (bfing issues and similar excluded). Surely it's a lovely opportunity for some intergenerational bonding?

tallulah · 14/08/2011 23:01

DD was just 4 when she first stayed overnight with my mum. She is going over there once a week ATM (still 4) through necessity. She loves it and mum loves having her, but I miss her :(

My older children would have been at least 3 before staying on their own with GPs - can't really remember. I do find it odd when GPs demand to have tiny babies staying over- can't be for the child's benefit.

MagicFingerGoesPop · 14/08/2011 23:05

My eldest is six and none of them have never spent a night away from me. (three children - including when the others were born)

MagicFingerGoesPop · 14/08/2011 23:10

Oh and we are not weird overprotective parents, we have just never needed them to and no-one has ever asked.

CurrySpice · 14/08/2011 23:14

Mine have stayed at my mom's regularaly since they were babies - often it was when I was visiting (she lives 150 miles away) and wanted to go out Blush and that feels perfectly normal to me. The DC consider my mom's house to be like their home. She's had them for a week in the school holidays as long as I can remember, so that I can work. They all love it

They have never stayed at my ILs who live 6 miles away. Go figure Hmm

MadStaringEyes · 14/08/2011 23:19

Mine have never been away, oddly enough nobody wants to take a 2 yo and a 9mo who wake at least 3 times a night, each.

I imagine the only time they will be away overnight will be on a school trip.

Scaredycat3000 · 14/08/2011 23:20

We live several hours away from both sets of GP's so not really an option. We both however have no desire to spend long periods away from our 2 yr old. Last time we visited PIL my BIL had just left their 9 day old, for the night, for the second time, with MIL so they could go out for a meal. Their 2 yr old regularly stays with PIL, not sure from what age though. BIL commented that of course we would be using the 'free baby sitting service' so we could go out whilst we where visiting. And their was me thinking we were visiting PIL, not going to enjoy ourselves!