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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most very young children don't routinely go to their grandparents for overnight stays?

157 replies

EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:03

MIL was telling me about her DNiece, whose 1yo DS has "only just" been allowed to stay overnight with his grandmother. MIL was clearly amazed that the baby had been allowed to get to a year before being granted a sleepover with his GPs. Not to stay for any reason, just because the grandmother "wanted" him for the night.

I expressed mild surprise, saying I didn't think it was at all common to send very young children off to their GPs for overnight stays unless there was a particular reason eg work trips away, sleep deprivation getting too much etc. We agreed to disagree.

Is this the norm? It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 26/08/2012 20:45

No, it was a Hmm for the zombieness! Grin

RaisinDEtre · 26/08/2012 20:46

Phew and TFFT Grin

NowThenWreck · 26/08/2012 20:47

I bf until one year but ds stayed at my mums regularly from 9 months or so.
I can't remember really, but I must have given him a feed before I left him to go out, and then again when I picked him up late morning.
Babies that age don't need feeding in the night, surely? By that age he was on 3 meals a day, so bf ing was just something extra.
I only wonder because so many cite bfing as a reason not to leave babies overnight.

SauvignonBlanche · 26/08/2012 20:48

DS was 9 before he stayed with my DM overnight for the first time, DD was 6, it was the same night.

frownyface · 26/08/2012 20:48

my son has regularly stayed at my mums and my mils since he was very young. I have ongoing health problems and have needed to have hospital stays several times since he was born (he is nearly 5), my husband does most of the childcare but when I was hospitalised for six weeks he had a hard time of it visiting me and caring for our son. Because my son is happy to stay with his family It means I had chance to concentrate on recovering and I dont have to fret that its a new or unusual situation for my ds.

Also, my son enjoys having a good relationship with my parents and my husbands parents so good all round.

aquashiv · 26/08/2012 20:49

not the norm here

BeeBee12 · 26/08/2012 20:52

Its the norm here.I breastfeed but dont know what difference that would make.All grandparents I know do it.

Anotherusefulname · 26/08/2012 20:53

I agree with the OP.

However I think it depends how you were brought up yourself. DS stayed at my parents once aged 3 and 3 months as I was in hospital having his sister. DD now nearly 3 has never stayed over night anywhere.
They have very close relationships with both sets of grandparents as both live in walking distance and we see them two or three times a week.
This is similar to our upbringings both lived close to and saw Grandparents regularly, i stayed at my Nana's 3 times in my childhood and DH never stayed with his.
My cousins on the other hand lived further away and stayed over with Nana whenever my Aunt needed a break because it was too far for a few hours stay like we did.

HotTinRoof · 26/08/2012 20:55

It depends how close they live. My parents have my dds very rarely because they don't live on our doorstep. If we lived closer, they would stay over more regularly.

JugsMcGee · 26/08/2012 21:03

DS first stayed with the in laws some time after I stopped BFing, as we had a wedding to go to. They'd "babysat" a couple of times beforehand at our house, just putting DS to bed and then they went home when we got back. The in laws are local and DS sees them 3-4 times a week, they are very close. He has stayed with them 3 or 4 times I think, he is 18m old now.

I wanted to wait until DS was sleeping through the night but they don't seem to mind, I think MIL loves sleepy cuddles with him. I didn't want to only ask them when we needed them to have him but then I didn't want to "palm him off" when we had no reason to. FIL did ask to have him one night so they did. DS loves staying over, although he does go to bed v late and wakes up early so I don't want to inflict that on them too often, even though they claim not to care!

My parents live too far away to have him overnight. But even though they only see him every month or so, DS seems to really like being with them, especially his grampy.

I used to stay with my grandparents every so often, but not with any regularity.

Ambi · 26/08/2012 21:04

DD has a room at each GPs house. Has stayed with either of them for a night a week since I went FT when she was 2. I'm on Mat leave at the mo and they're still asking to have her. I appreciate how lucky we are have both GPs who really want her as she's no bother and sleeps well. I just don't like how they spoil her. I miss her when she's not here though.

Margerykemp · 26/08/2012 21:19

I think some of the variables here are distance, age and dare I say it, class?

I think it's good for GPs to have a close relationship withDGC for its own sake. If you died they may well end up ft carers. It takes a village to raise a child and all that...

bluana · 26/08/2012 21:36

Think it depends on individuals myself. Me, child doesn't settle at night, wakes up several times wanting comforting. Grandparents - mad as geese, not physically up for it. Nearly 6 and no overnight stays as yet.

bringmesunshine2009 · 26/08/2012 21:43

Mine stay at GPs every two weeks whilst I work 1.5 and 2.5 yrs old. Thy like it, so do GPs. I hate it :(

NoComet · 26/08/2012 21:55

DDs never had and almost certainly never will. GPs are 70+ miles away and there simply is no room. Sadly they are also not fit enough to chase children.

DSIS over night niece tames ( they aren't babies any more), but she comes here.

Usually once a year for the works do, so we can stay at the hotel.

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 26/08/2012 22:00

My mum had DN to stay overnight before she was a fortnight old because "DSis was tired!"

DS1 is almost 18, my mum has never had him, or DS2, to stay overnight!

NowThenWreck · 26/08/2012 23:26

I do think that if you have the opportunity, and willing GP's it's a good idea to get kids used to sleeping over with GP's from an early age, because it does give you more flexibility. They might have a little trouble settling at first, but soon it becomes the norm, and the more people children are comfortable with the better.
If I was ill, for example, I know i could send ds to mum's and other relatives to sleep over, and he has his own bed/ books etc over there, so it's not scary to him. He also loves it because he gets sugary cereal for breakfast and my mum doesnt shout object when he wakes her up at 5.30 am!

MissPricklePants · 26/08/2012 23:29

My dd (3.3) has not spent a night away from me since she was born, nor do I want her to so not the norm here,

FamiliesShareGerms · 26/08/2012 23:34

Our children have stayed with my parents loads and DH's occasionally. DS was less than a year when he was first away (can't remember how old). They love it. We love it for a day or so start to miss them

mummydarkling · 26/08/2012 23:37

In Martina Cole books the grandparents are very involved usually. Smile

FatimaLovesBread · 26/08/2012 23:39

I was going to contribute but then realised the thread is a year old?!!

How do people manage to randomly post on a thread from a year ago? I mean the first person tonight not the subsequent posters who presumably saw it in active convos

DappyHays · 26/08/2012 23:58

My kids were bf'd but once expressing was sorted they went to my mother's for sleepovers pronto. She likes feeding them crap and letting them watch rubbish on telly having them to herself and DH and I like the freedom of getting a night out and a long lie. Kids also go and stay with my dad over night. He has 2 young children too so it's great fun for them.

Their other granda hasn't had them overnight but has done his fair share of babysitting duties.

They're grandparents and they managed to raise us without killing us so I'm happy for them to take my kiddiwinks. Both DH and I have great memories of sleepovers with our various grandparents.

CrunchyFrog · 27/08/2012 09:47

DD was 3.5, DS1 was about the same. DS2 was 2, but wanted to be included, plus had split from their dad so they also do sleepovers there!

I work irregular nights, so often the kids do the 2 nights with XH, then one with my mum, sister or SIL. Then sometimes some of then just go for jollies! (they're 8, 7 and 3.5 now)

QOD · 27/08/2012 09:56

My dd doesn't yet ... She's 13 ....

welshnat · 27/08/2012 10:00

My ds has been staying over his dils since he was 1 month old. She only lives 4 doors down in the same street, and we wanted him to get used to sleeping in different houses as we travel frequently to visit family in Wales. We have never had any problems and love the fact that he is so close to his grandparents.