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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that most very young children don't routinely go to their grandparents for overnight stays?

157 replies

EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:03

MIL was telling me about her DNiece, whose 1yo DS has "only just" been allowed to stay overnight with his grandmother. MIL was clearly amazed that the baby had been allowed to get to a year before being granted a sleepover with his GPs. Not to stay for any reason, just because the grandmother "wanted" him for the night.

I expressed mild surprise, saying I didn't think it was at all common to send very young children off to their GPs for overnight stays unless there was a particular reason eg work trips away, sleep deprivation getting too much etc. We agreed to disagree.

Is this the norm? It didn't occur to me to send DS to his GPs until it became particularly useful or necessary to me!

OP posts:
LuceyLasstic · 14/08/2011 22:17

the thing is though, if it was because mum and dad wanted to go out on the piss whatever the age of the kid, they would be only too happy to palm kid off on grandparents, but it seems if the grandparents ask, its completely out of order.

odd

Tyr · 14/08/2011 22:18

There is no norm with this. Unless there are problems with the GP's, it's good for everyone. I stayed with mine when I was very young and loved it. Gives parents a break too.

Original poster
EdnaKrabappel · 14/08/2011 22:19

exoticfruits - and I didn't send DS for his sake - he was too little to go for a random overnight stay "just because". GPs not in a position to offer a regular stayover. We got babysitters for evenings out, but would go and stay as a family with parents and ILs for 2 or 3 days at a time, they bonded v well. I didn't see the need to send a baby to stay away from his parents for a night just because his grandparents might fancy their turn.

OP posts:
ChristinedePizan · 14/08/2011 22:19

Ever since I stopped breastfeeding. He goes every six months or so - they don't push for it but they enjoy it. I don't like to take the piss so only do it if I have a real reason.

musttidyupmusttidyup · 14/08/2011 22:19

My DCs very close to GPs but I waited until they asked to go, DS1 was nearly 4. DS2 expressing an interest now (2.6) but think it'll be a while until he actually does. Depends on family I suppose.

nearlytherenow · 14/08/2011 22:19

YANBU! DS1 has (3) stayed with his grandparents without us once, when he was just over 2, and only out of necessity for me (I was in hospital with hyperemesis - DH was away for a night). He also stayed with my parents when DS2 was born and for a few nights when DS2 was admitted to hospital and I stayed with him, but on both of those occasions DH also stayed with my parents (although wasn't necessarily around for bedtime / for him getting up in the morning). I still kind of feel that he's too young to go away on his own, in an ideal world. Not that GPs here seem desperate for sleepovers - an afternoon seems plenty!

TheFrozenMBJ · 14/08/2011 22:20

DS is yet to stay overnight with his GPs. He probably won't for a while either unless DD decides to arrive before my mum gets here, in which case he will spend the night with PIL if DH is in hospital with me. If all goes according to plan, my mum will be staying with us and DS will just go to sleep in his cot as usual.

MIl always hints that ALL her friends at the golf club have had their DGC's to stay from the early months, but tbh, as DS has yet to sleep through, I do not think it is fair for him to lend the night there.

PhylisStein · 14/08/2011 22:20

When they were about three I think!

hopenglory · 14/08/2011 22:21

Mine have had sleepovers at Granny's house since they were about 5 months old, but they were both good sleepers and my ma doesn't live very far from us

Ivortheengine8 · 14/08/2011 22:23

No, I always make excuses when my mum and dad offer to have my now nearly 2 year old. (they live quite a long way from us anyway so its not often they could) I think it depends on the relationship of parents and children also though. I worry about leaving mine for a few reasons....

-My parents house is simply not babysafe at all and they leave things around and on the floor etc...

  • I think they forget how hard it can be dealing with a young toddler/baby all day/night (its different than a couple of hours)
  • They don't like me using a dummy for her a night and often 'forget' to give it to her!
  • My mums eyesight is quite bad now and my dad also has fibrosis of lungs so simply doesnt have the energy that atoddler needs.
halcyondays · 14/08/2011 22:23

Meant to say that mine couldn't have gone as babies, anyway, but there were no gps that could have taken them anyway. It's never been an option for us unfortunately. Not all gps would want to have grandchildren overnight even if they were physically capable. I think anyone who has gps that ever take their children overnight is very lucky.

WelliesinJune · 14/08/2011 22:23

Had issues giving up "control" of DD but she stayed over with her GP just before her 1st birthday. Slept perfectly (which I did not expect at all)! Think it's good for them so long as they still get lots of love and attention from mummy and daddy.

bibbitybobbityhat · 14/08/2011 22:24

Yanbu. I think most don't.

I had a bit of a fight with my dmil, who wanted my dd to go and stay with her for a few days when she was 4 years old. I knew that dd wouldn't like that but had a tricky time getting it across to the grandparents without offence.

However, if the grandparent is a very close and constant presence in the baby's life and the baby is very familiar with their home and surroundings, then they probably would be quite happy to stay the night with a gp.

I just don't think most families work like that any more.

5inabed · 14/08/2011 22:25

My 2 older dcs (5 &3) stayed at PILS on Friday night but DD2 (18months) has never stayed with anyone yet.

StealthPolarBear · 14/08/2011 22:25

DS started at about 15 months - bit young for me, but we had a wedding to go to. DD was about 18 or 19 months, she is now 2 and has stayed with GPs twice.
A friend's children have been staying with her mum since a very young age. But her mum lives round the corner, so there would be no pacing in the night, no major stress if unable to comfort, they could be back with their mum in under 5 mins. In that case, mine probably would ahve too :o

And there's no need to stop breastfeeding to do it either!

borderslass · 14/08/2011 22:26

The only time DD1 now 20 only stayed overnight at my mum and dad's was whilst we moved from a 1 bedroom flat to this house at 15 months old, in fact she stayed a week but only because she was unpacking the boxes as soon as I was packing them DS[17] and DD2 [nearly 16] have never stayed.

StealthPolarBear · 14/08/2011 22:27

Shock really?! Have they never asked to?

Steeplearningcurve · 14/08/2011 22:27

My dd stayed with my parents for the first time at 10 weeks and the plan is for her to do this once every couple of weeks, especially when I go back to work. The main reason is because I am on my own, so my parents like to help out and give me a break and a chance to see friends. I'm very lucky that my mum spent a lot of time with us after dd was born, so dd is just as comfortable being fed, settled to sleep etc by her. I realise this is an unusual situation though and I'm not sure I would have started the sleepovers so early if I had a partner at home to share the night wakings and look after dd while I go out. Very grateful though!

MrsRhettButler · 14/08/2011 22:28

My mum usually has dd once a week from the age of about 6 mnths, she first had her aged 2 mnths.

My mum loves having her and she loves staying there, it's for them not us, although dp and I do make the most of it sometimes

If we miss a week for whatever reason I find I have dd moaning to see nanny and my mum on the phone asking when shes coming next

BunnyWunny · 14/08/2011 22:28

Don't think it is rare to stay at gps before 1 , but not abnormal not to either- dd stayed over for first time at 14 months so dh and I could go to a concert. my bfs baby slept over every weekend at her gps form 6 weeks- each to their own.

notlettingthefearshow · 14/08/2011 22:29

It sounds normal to stay at GPs as early as they would like it - in DH's family's case, who live close, and would consider it normal at less than 1 yo. But I think it depends on personal situation. I certainly don't think it's strange - just lovely to have GPs who are willing to be so hands on. I do think it's great if your children can get used to staying with family members or friends from an early age - to bond with them and encourages independent.

Out of curiousity why might some parents (not GPs) not like this habit?

GeneralCustardsHardHat · 14/08/2011 22:29

It's normal for us but then again I have a very close extended family and hold the belief that children should be raised by the family as a whole and not just the parents.

kickingking · 14/08/2011 22:29

Mine has stayed over at my parents once, it was last month and he was 4.5.

I personally feel comfortable with it, it is not something I would do on a regular basis so we 'can have a break' or whatever, but it does seem to be the norm for a lot of people.

I had friends asking me when my son would be staying over at my parents when he was days old Shock and trying to convince me I would enjoy the break - he'd only just got here, why would I want to send him away?! Confused

DH stayed over with relatives and family friends as a child quite a bit, as far as I can work out, and seemed quite suprised that I don't really feel comfortable with the idea. It was not the norm in my family though.

ellmum · 14/08/2011 22:31

Neither my parents nor my in-laws are particularly close to DD (20 months). In-laws have only seen her a couple of times this year (due to various health problems). My parents are possibly a bit closer, but not enough to have her stay without us there. And as our families both live a couple of hours away, it's not something that's going to happen so we can have a night out. My nieces stay with my parents a lot and have since they were very small, they have a really lovely relationship with them now so it was definitely a positive thing for them all.

kickingking · 14/08/2011 22:31

Just to add, we are very close to my parents and see them all the time. It's just a personal preference for me.