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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not to want to give up my bed???

327 replies

lightsandshapes · 12/08/2011 16:08

My BIL and his family are coming to stay in 2 days. They have a 4 year old a 2 year old and a 6 month old.

The BIL has been quite pushy about sleeping arrangements and has asked twice now if I will give up my bedroom so his wife can stay in there with the 2 younger ones. I and DH will be relegated to the summer house. I havre tried to make gentle excuses (I will need the loo in the night - I have a special matress pad on my bed because of bump) but he is insistent. I am 7 months pregnant.

Too late to stop them coming now, but wwyd? I'm osscilating between standing my ground and being 'generous', but I would NEVER invite myself to someone's house and then ask to sleep in the master bedroom in their bed [shocked]. Feel like if I don't defend myself my boundaries could be trampled all over.

OP posts:
chevronone · 12/08/2011 16:10

ummmmmm why cant they sleep in the summer house?

FeelingaBitSick · 12/08/2011 16:11

7 months pregnant trumps guests I'm afraid. Tell them to stay in a hotel if they want.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 12/08/2011 16:11

Tell BIL to fuck right off Shock that anyone would be so demanding! Unless they are paying you some cold hard cash I wouldn't even consider it, especially while PG! What a bloody cheek!

BTW have you posted about this before? I'm sure I remember a very similar OP.

HeidiKat · 12/08/2011 16:12

It kind of depends on what the alternative for your inlaws and their DCs is, I think its cheeky to ask you to give up your bedroom but I don't think it would be reasonable to expect young children to sleep in your summer house as it's not exactly tropical temperatures at the moment, do you have a spare room they could all sleep in together?

Andrewofgg · 12/08/2011 16:14

Tell him to fuck off. And if he does not understand that be really rude about it. Even if you were not pregnant this would be preposterous.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 12/08/2011 16:14

Your house, your bed, your rules.

I can't imagine any circumstances that would induce me to give up my bed to another body - and certainly not to anybody who demanded I do so.

Does the summer house have adequate beds/bedding, how far is it to the nearest loo, and do you have other rooms in your house that can be used for guests?

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 12/08/2011 16:16

Blush Desp, I did post about this before. I thought all the gentle hints people suggested might work, but he has been so thick skinned. Equally, I have been too much of a chicken to tell them to take a hike!

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 12/08/2011 16:17

What a cheeky bastard.
The kids will love sleeping in the summer house, it will be an adventure

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 12/08/2011 16:17

Say no and mean no. "I am seven months pregnant and I am NOT giving up my bed. Please do not ask me again."

And why is your husband not telling his brother no? "My 7month pregnant wife is not giving up her bed. If you don't like the sleeping arrangements, then make other plans."

He is insistant? really?

You do know that it is your house, don't you? He can be as insistant as he likes, no is still no.

People only walk over you if you lie down in front of them and write "Welcome" on your forehead in permanent bloody marker!

(Trust me, I know!)

passingtime · 12/08/2011 16:18

I would not give up my bed at 7 months pregnant. He sounds like an arse!

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 12/08/2011 16:18

ps... small house, only one other room (currently kitted out as a nursery, which the BIL is also planning to take over and sleep there with the oldest Envy

OP posts:
rookiemater · 12/08/2011 16:21

What's the arrangements if they don't sleep in your room?

YellowDinosaur · 12/08/2011 16:21

'Say no and mean no. "I am seven months pregnant and I am NOT giving up my bed. Please do not ask me again."

And why is your husband not telling his brother no? "My 7month pregnant wife is not giving up her bed. If you don't like the sleeping arrangements, then make other plans."'

Yep - this++++++++

HeidiKat · 12/08/2011 16:21

How big is your living room, could you get a couple of airbeds for them and DCs to sleep on in there and a travel cot for the youngest? If not I would tell them not to come to be honest, how come it's too late to stop them from coming if they are not due for another two days?

YellowDinosaur · 12/08/2011 16:24

In your previous thread OP didn't you also say that you didn't want them in the nursery either?

YANBU you know. This is YOUR house. It isn't too late to tell them to f*ck off.

I'd say very very clearly 'we have made our position clear. We will not be giving up our bedroom and you cannot use the nursery as we are in the middle of getting it ready for our baby. If this doesn't suit you then you are welcome to make other arrangements'

Small chidren will sleep anywhere including on the floor. Put their children to bed in your bedroom and then when you all go to sleep they can be moved downstairs / into the summer house to sleep with your bil and sil. Simple. If they don't like it tough

YellowDinosaur · 12/08/2011 16:26

For what its worth I wouldn't give up my bedroom in your situation even if not pregnant unless there were very compelling special circumstances. Its MY bedroom!

Lunabelly · 12/08/2011 16:29

Mumsnet has taught me a very useful phrase.

"YANBU - tell him to fuck the fuck off to the far side of fuck."

Cannot believe that they would even put upon you at this stage of pregnancy, let alone try and turf you out of your bed.

Original poster
lightsandshapes · 12/08/2011 16:30

thank you people for confirming (again) I AMNBU Blush. Feel like an idiot for finding it so difficult to be so assertive about this issue. He's just a very strong character. [takes deep breath to try again].

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/08/2011 16:34

Bloody hell - tell them to sleep in a hotel or the summerhouse, cheeky git!

DogsBestFriend · 12/08/2011 16:36

I don't know why some folk allow themselves to be treated like shit, especially in their own homes, really I don't.

Right. You say it's too late to call the whole visit off now.

Why? Is he already in the house, his wife in your bed?

Because if not - no, even if so - you can certainly call the whole visit off. Tell him he can come and stay when he learns some manners, consideration and respect.

And, until then, he can fuck off, then when he gets there he can fuck off some more.

TheMagnificentBathykolpian · 12/08/2011 16:36

And your husband is...where? in all this? saying what to your bil?

susiedaisy · 12/08/2011 16:37

you arent an idiot some people are so bone headed thick skined and over bearing that they sap the life out of another person, ask your hubby to re enforce the messgae, or is he just used to his brother being like this and switches off? can they not stay in a reasonably priced b&b?

Quenelle · 12/08/2011 16:37

But what about your DH? Can't he tell BIL?

YADNBU by the way.

diddl · 12/08/2011 16:39

So they in fact want to take over the house?

Sorry, but if there´s no room they´ll have to stay elsewhere.

Deflatedballoonbelly · 12/08/2011 16:42

What on earth does your DH have to say? My OH can be a right git sometimes but he would not have that. At All.