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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have walked out on best friends' rude child? (long).

214 replies

SaffronCake · 09/08/2011 17:23

I arranged to go for lunch with my best friend, but she sent me a text as I was leaving to say she didn't want to go out (joint pain- it's a recurring problem for her) so we'd be having lunch at hers. She could have told me earlier and I wouldn't have spent an extra half hour getting ready I thought, but nevermind, make-up's on now and hair's up, too late.

Once at hers, her 11 year old daughter would not shut up, singing the same 4 lines of the most annoying single in the charts over, and over and over. We've got a relationship a bit like sisters and we'd both tell each others kids off without second thought. I asked the girl to stop it, she said she couldn't, so I said if that was the case then go to her bedroom or out to play because it's annoying and very rude and she's making it hard for Mummy and I to talk to each other. It made no difference beyond a quiet 2 or 3 minutes here and there.

After an hour of this my baby can't concentrate on anything, including her lunch, and the annoying 11 y/o is now laughing every time my baby spits her food. So I tell her not to because it encourages bad behaviour. That again works for 2-3 minutes and either another bloody 4 lines of "Swagger Jagger" or laughing at the baby starts up again. It wasn't even a real laugh, it was clearly put on.

After giving up on lunch and trying to cuddle baby in for her nap for another 10 minutes while the girl kept on singing/humming the same 4 lines (just 4 lines) of that infernal annoyance, so that baby couldn't even sleep, I packed up said we were leaving. My friend (who was quite shocked as I would be expected to hang about until early evening, it being quite a drive) asked if I was Ok, I said, "no I've had enough of it, but it's her house, so we better be off".

Cue shock and awe all round, one very guilty 11 year old and a rapid departure.

I don't think I'm out of order, because I don't think I could really have done anything else. If my friend isn't going to insist on basic respect in her house I've no right to wade in and set the punishments, but that said I don't like the scene-making-ness of it all and now I feel sorry any of it happened at all.

Was IBU? Please be nice.

OP posts:
activate · 09/08/2011 21:43

good on you

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/08/2011 21:48

OH right, that's why this country's going to the dogs.
Thanks for that Grim, that explains everything Hmm.

MadamDeathstare · 09/08/2011 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGrimSweeper · 09/08/2011 21:51

It explains a lot. No respect for authority after years of the yuman rights brigade. Now at a time of recession, cuts, deprivation....there's nothing to fall back on.

TheGrimSweeper · 09/08/2011 21:52

But sorry op. Let me not detract from your discussion

usualsuspect · 09/08/2011 21:54

oh my lord ,singing annoying songs one minute ,anarchy the next

who knew....

MadamDeathstare · 09/08/2011 21:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mouthwash7 · 09/08/2011 22:02

Lady Beagle - are you suggesting I'm being picky? I don't think so. That particular point occupied a whole paragraph in the op's opening statement. it was obviously an important point that needs debating. Anyway, where are these lunches that involve putting your hair up? I want to know.

TaudrieTattoo · 09/08/2011 22:02

I'm not the most tolerant mum in the world, but I really can't see what was so bad about what this little lass did.

To be honest, it sounds like she was trying to get rid of her mum's grumpy friend - and it worked.

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/08/2011 22:13

I would also like to debate this point mouthwash Grin.
Why would it take half an hour extra to lunch at a cafe rather than at your mate's house?
And how long does it take to put your hair up?
And is this 11 year old girl out looting as we speak?
I think we should be told.

A1980 · 09/08/2011 22:13

I'm in two minds about this.

One the one hand I think YANBU becasue when I was younger thant her, only 10 years old, I LOVED my mum's friends baby DS. When he was born, I used to pretend he was mine. I certainly would not have been annoying or distracting to him. I would have been crawling around on the floor with him, keeping him occupied, helping feed him and anythnig i could really. So in that respect I think she should have grown the hell up and YANBU to be irritated by her.

But on the other hand, not children are the same and mature at the same age. Her mum is ill with recurrent joint pains and so they couldn't go out. Does this happen alot? If so, maybe the 11yo was bored and frustrated, it is school holidays after all. She also probably didn't realise how annoying she was being. Regarding the lunch, it was hardly gonig to be a restful expereince going out was it? You would have to feed your baby in a busy cafe / resturant... how would your baby have had a nap after lunch in those circumstances?

I don't think YWBU to be annoyed by her but I think a warning shot would have been a better way to go. Something along the lines of, I think I'll have to take the baby home if this doesn't stop as he/she wont get any sleep.

You also have no idea how your child will grow up. They may turn out 10 times as annoying as your friends DD but I bet it would hurt your feelings if your friends were very annoyed by your child and di not warm to them.

Has your friend contacted you yet? Sorry don't have time to read all of it to find out.

SnapesMistress · 09/08/2011 22:32

Grimsweeper YABU for channeling Dickie Littlejohn.

A1980 · 09/08/2011 22:33

ON second thought, having actually listened to the song, I would have bloody gagged her!

TheGrimSweeper · 09/08/2011 23:01

snapes It's not me asking for opinions on whether iabu, your observation (which may or may not hold some truth) is therefore irrelevant. Hth

CurrySpice · 09/08/2011 23:09

I think Op that it's the kind of thing we have all wanted to do, but haven't because it's so rude

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 23:14

Rude would have been shouting at the girl or telling her best friend to shut her bloody daughter up before she strangled her.

All she did was go home.

usualsuspect · 09/08/2011 23:26

but not before saying she had had enough

rude,no?

NonnoMum · 09/08/2011 23:39

Anyhoo - you'll get over it. You aren't the first adult to be annoyed by Young People's Music. That's the point of it, though, isn't it - to annoy the oldies.
In the early 60s there was probably some annoyed mummy going on about an 11 year old singing along to "I wanna Hold your Haaaaa-nd".
We'll all survive.
Don't know if your friendship will though.

MadamDeathstare · 10/08/2011 01:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 10/08/2011 08:10

To all those who think she was a bit harsh on the poor little 11yr old. It's not the singing of the song, or even the laughing at the baby that was the problem. It was the fact that she wouldn't stop when asked. That would have driven me mad too. So YANBU.
And yes, that is probably half the problem with the yobs out looting etc now. Someone says please don't do that, they just carry on regardless as they have no respect for anyone but themselves. If you choose to let your children do that, then good luck for both your futures.Hmm

I had a very dear friend who was a prison officer many years ago, worked at some really tough category A prisons and young offenders institutes. I asked him once, was there one thing that seemed to link most offenders.
He said "Yes, innadequate parenting! The failure to say no to a child, or enforce no when it has been said. They grow up with an enormous sense of entitlement and lack of respect for authority."

Your kids of course probably wont end up this way, but they do stand a good chance of being talked about on here in years to come as Bridezilla, controlling husband who has no respect for unhappy wife etc........you catch my drift?
How we let our children behave now, shapes what kind of adult they become.

A lot of current issues in this country comes from the fact that bad parenting breeds bad parenting. A vicious circle that is producing scores of amoral yobs who will breed more amoral yobs, as that's all they know.
The "Shameless" society.Sad Deviating slightly I know, but due to the current knews reports it's seems pertinent.

Chandon · 10/08/2011 08:44

Grin and Shock at comparing this girl to the looters...

getting a bit carried away there?Grin

WhiteTrash · 10/08/2011 08:46

If it was my 11 year old daughter I wouldnt have wanted her repeating a song all day, laughing at a feeding baby or keeping it awake. I dont think it was malicious of her by any means. But it DOES sound annoying, so I would have said something. When dc is making an annoying sound I tell him its fine to keep doing it but can he do it in his room aa its driving me nuts.

Im not sure I would have upped and left as you did, it kinda smacks of stoppy teenager but I do understand why you were wound up.

Were YBU? Yes and no.

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 10/08/2011 09:00

Chandon if you meant my post I quite clearly said "Your kids of course probably wont end up this way", but my point is children need rules and boundaries. If these do not exist or they are allowed to constantly disregard them, then yes chaos will ultimately ensue in one form or another.

youarekidding · 10/08/2011 09:02

Yes, My DS has been told already this morning that imitating an electric guitar on full volume and he's actually quite acurate is not OK in the lounge, he said OK I'll do it in my bedroom then. So children do do annoying things but there does need to be some understanding on their part when and when it is and isn't OK.

He has however decided being alone isn't so much fun so is standing on a chair shoting his foam bullets at targets. Grin Annoying sound of plastic pinging but not so bad.

DandyGilver · 10/08/2011 09:04

I think the 11 year old behaved extremely badly.

I would have left too.

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