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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have walked out on best friends' rude child? (long).

214 replies

SaffronCake · 09/08/2011 17:23

I arranged to go for lunch with my best friend, but she sent me a text as I was leaving to say she didn't want to go out (joint pain- it's a recurring problem for her) so we'd be having lunch at hers. She could have told me earlier and I wouldn't have spent an extra half hour getting ready I thought, but nevermind, make-up's on now and hair's up, too late.

Once at hers, her 11 year old daughter would not shut up, singing the same 4 lines of the most annoying single in the charts over, and over and over. We've got a relationship a bit like sisters and we'd both tell each others kids off without second thought. I asked the girl to stop it, she said she couldn't, so I said if that was the case then go to her bedroom or out to play because it's annoying and very rude and she's making it hard for Mummy and I to talk to each other. It made no difference beyond a quiet 2 or 3 minutes here and there.

After an hour of this my baby can't concentrate on anything, including her lunch, and the annoying 11 y/o is now laughing every time my baby spits her food. So I tell her not to because it encourages bad behaviour. That again works for 2-3 minutes and either another bloody 4 lines of "Swagger Jagger" or laughing at the baby starts up again. It wasn't even a real laugh, it was clearly put on.

After giving up on lunch and trying to cuddle baby in for her nap for another 10 minutes while the girl kept on singing/humming the same 4 lines (just 4 lines) of that infernal annoyance, so that baby couldn't even sleep, I packed up said we were leaving. My friend (who was quite shocked as I would be expected to hang about until early evening, it being quite a drive) asked if I was Ok, I said, "no I've had enough of it, but it's her house, so we better be off".

Cue shock and awe all round, one very guilty 11 year old and a rapid departure.

I don't think I'm out of order, because I don't think I could really have done anything else. If my friend isn't going to insist on basic respect in her house I've no right to wade in and set the punishments, but that said I don't like the scene-making-ness of it all and now I feel sorry any of it happened at all.

Was IBU? Please be nice.

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 20:18

My daughter started her periods at the start of year 7 and well over half the class had started by then. Most wore bras.

Why is it a childlike strop if an 11 year old is making such a stupid, repetitive noise that the two adults couldn't chat? Why wasn't the girl sent to her room by her mum if she couldn't be sensible?

TheBride · 09/08/2011 20:18

Point is - you don't storm out of your friend's house in a cream puff because of it. You grit your teeth and sit the little horror out. That's what friends fucking DO ok??

No you do. I don't. That's the point.

When friends come with kids, you have to assess it on a package basis.

diddl · 09/08/2011 20:19

I wonder if OP is more annoyed about her friend taking her daughter´s side by not telling her to shut up even though OP was.

4madboys · 09/08/2011 20:19

what the secondcoming said!

if my 11 yr old behaved like that when we had visitors he would be told to apologise and sent to his room until he was going to be polite.

seriously singing a bit fine, going on and on and on when asked repeatedly, or even more than once to stop, NOT ok!

she is 11 not 3!

halcyondays · 09/08/2011 20:21

All kids can be annoying but most parents expect their children to behave well when they have a visitor. Or at least I used to think so. I think they call it teaching your children to have good manners.

alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants · 09/08/2011 20:25

Imperial - childlike because she made such a big deal of leaving and trying to make the 11yo feel guilty.
All she's really done in reality is make her best friend feel bad because she has joint problems and consequently OP couldn't go out for lunch.
Agree mum should have sent dd to room if really that annoying.

BlueFergie · 09/08/2011 20:29

I don't like other peoples kids. As a rule I find them all annoying. Even when they are not doing anything particularly irritating. However in general well behaved children is not a condition I attach to my friendship. I put up with other peoples kids because I like the parents. If their kids can get along pretty well with mine while we are seeing each other I regard this as a huge bonus, not a requirement for my presence. Obviously if the other kids are mean to or hurt my kids this is different.
This 11 year old knew she was irritating you this is why she continued to do it. She is a per teen, pissing off adults is part of the job description. Far better to either engage her on something completely different (ie will you help me feed the baby/ discussing music) or ignore her completely. Flouncing off like that probably caused your friend a lot of upset and I think was incredibly childish. I don't see that what she was doing was so awful really. Certainly you should have been able to tune it out.

halcyondays · 09/08/2011 20:29

Boo hoo to making the 11 year old feel guilty. Maybe she should have done what she was told then. Would she have behaved like that if they had gone out for lunch? If so, I wouldn't have liked to have been at the next table!

TheBride · 09/08/2011 20:31

bluefergie But wouldnt you agree that it shouldnt have got that far? The mum should have just said 'quit singing or do it in the garden'

alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants · 09/08/2011 20:32

OP did you not take your older DC with you? do they not get on?

halcyondays · 09/08/2011 20:34

I don't find other people's children annoying generally but having to listen to someone singing the same thing over and over would really really annoy me. I wouldn't be able to tune it out, not if she was in the same room.

MadameLupino · 09/08/2011 20:37

Belated thankyee to those who explained . I have not heard it but I nurse a deep and powerful loathing for Churr Claggypants so I can imagine the song . Much grimness.

BlueFergie · 09/08/2011 20:40

Well its certainly what I would have done if it was my child but IME most people don't parent in the same way I do. I don't require that they deal with their children in a manner acceptable to me as long as the child is not doing anything dangerous or aggressive.

DoMeDon · 09/08/2011 20:41

YANBU - your friend was being indulgent and watching her DC behaviour through rose tinted mummy specs.

No point in going for lunch if you cannot have a chat and catch up. Dc can entertain themselves for a while. I would have told DC to behave or leave and same would have been said to me. Interrupt an adult chat at your peril when I was a child.

Nanny0gg · 09/08/2011 20:42

Get some perspective people - and don't sit there smugly polishing your mummy medals either. YOUR kids are brats too. Believe me.
Yep, that's absolutely true.
Which is why they would be stopped from annoying other people, not allowed to carry on.

DoMeDon · 09/08/2011 20:49

Actually no not all kids are brats - they all act like brats sometimes and decent parents nip it in the bud - the real brats are the little dahlinks allowed to carry on and on and on and ............. you get my drift.

LadyBeagleEyes · 09/08/2011 20:49

It seems to me you were in a bad mood anyway as you had taken half an hour to get ready. So how long would you have taken if you'd known you were going to her house in the first place? She's got recurring joint pains but never mind, hairs up and make up's on now, too late.
You sound worse than the 11 year old IMO.

TheBride · 09/08/2011 20:50

bluefergie I agree re differences in parenting, and as long as it doesnt directly impact me, vive la differnece, but at the same time I'm not going to waste my free time being irritated by someone's tween. I'm nopt there to talk to her. I'm there to talk to the friend. If I'm not getting that, I'll hang out with someone more interesting (and less wet) instead.

NonnoMum · 09/08/2011 20:51

YWU

And you let the 11 year old win.

V poor adult behaviour - stropping off when you didn't get your own way.

BlueFergie · 09/08/2011 20:53

Well thats were we differ. Like I said I don't require that my friends have non irritating kids in order for them to have the pleasure of my company. If I did I would have very few friends since in general most children are irritating (to me anyway)

DoMeDon · 09/08/2011 20:53

How is it stropping off - she asked child to stop being annoying, mother did chuff all, she left - no strop just removing self from unpleasant/boring situation

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 09/08/2011 20:54

LOL @ TheBride. I agree

TheBride · 09/08/2011 20:54

Just find some child free friends . I think everyone should have a few. There should be a free government matching service for those that dont have any.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 20:55

She didn't strop, she just decided not to put up with bad behaviour.

usualsuspect · 09/08/2011 20:58

I had a rule when my kids were younger , never fall out over your children

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