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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have walked out on best friends' rude child? (long).

214 replies

SaffronCake · 09/08/2011 17:23

I arranged to go for lunch with my best friend, but she sent me a text as I was leaving to say she didn't want to go out (joint pain- it's a recurring problem for her) so we'd be having lunch at hers. She could have told me earlier and I wouldn't have spent an extra half hour getting ready I thought, but nevermind, make-up's on now and hair's up, too late.

Once at hers, her 11 year old daughter would not shut up, singing the same 4 lines of the most annoying single in the charts over, and over and over. We've got a relationship a bit like sisters and we'd both tell each others kids off without second thought. I asked the girl to stop it, she said she couldn't, so I said if that was the case then go to her bedroom or out to play because it's annoying and very rude and she's making it hard for Mummy and I to talk to each other. It made no difference beyond a quiet 2 or 3 minutes here and there.

After an hour of this my baby can't concentrate on anything, including her lunch, and the annoying 11 y/o is now laughing every time my baby spits her food. So I tell her not to because it encourages bad behaviour. That again works for 2-3 minutes and either another bloody 4 lines of "Swagger Jagger" or laughing at the baby starts up again. It wasn't even a real laugh, it was clearly put on.

After giving up on lunch and trying to cuddle baby in for her nap for another 10 minutes while the girl kept on singing/humming the same 4 lines (just 4 lines) of that infernal annoyance, so that baby couldn't even sleep, I packed up said we were leaving. My friend (who was quite shocked as I would be expected to hang about until early evening, it being quite a drive) asked if I was Ok, I said, "no I've had enough of it, but it's her house, so we better be off".

Cue shock and awe all round, one very guilty 11 year old and a rapid departure.

I don't think I'm out of order, because I don't think I could really have done anything else. If my friend isn't going to insist on basic respect in her house I've no right to wade in and set the punishments, but that said I don't like the scene-making-ness of it all and now I feel sorry any of it happened at all.

Was IBU? Please be nice.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 09/08/2011 19:18

Completely agree with yesterday, this is an 11year old, not a small child. I would expect this sort of behaviour from a 5year old, not someone who is heading for her teens.

WhereYouLeftIt · 09/08/2011 19:20

thisisyesterday, thanks for saving me the typing, that was exectly what I was going to say but maybe with added expletives.

BrawToken · 09/08/2011 19:22

Hmmmm. My dd would have probably behaved that way at that age (and still does sometimes even though she is nearly 14). I don't blame you, but I do think you could have handled it differently as they are probably upset.

EssentialFattyAcid · 09/08/2011 19:23

If it were me I would have joined in with the song every time and stood up and danced too. This would be so embarrassing to any 11 year old that it would put a stop to it guaranteed.

Asking her to stop may not have been the cleverest method of achieving your goal.

blowthewindsoutherly · 09/08/2011 19:24

I think you behaved like an 11 year old as well!

thisisyesterday · 09/08/2011 19:25

so spider, it wouldn't bother you at all if you were having lunch with a friend and you couldn't have a conversation with them because someone was deliberately singing a song over and over the entire time. and keeping your baby awake. that'd be ok as long as they are in their own home?

really?
you wouldn't think it normal for people to show courtesy to guests in their home?

and why would the OP have to spell it out to her friend or ask her to discipline her child? unless she is a complete halfwit she must have been able to see that her daughter was being a royal pain in the arse and that it was upsetting the OP and her daughter

squeakytoy · 09/08/2011 19:25

If an 11year old is incapable of doing as she is told at home, god help her teachers.

Ophicleide · 09/08/2011 19:26

Well said, thisisyesterday.

thisisyesterday · 09/08/2011 19:26

ftr this is the kind of thing my 6 year old would do. we might put up with it for a while but he would definitely have warnings of "ds, that's getting a bit annoying now, could you just stop singing it for a while, or sing up in your room?" or whatever. and generally he would comply (eventually)

halcyondays · 09/08/2011 19:28

Spider pig just because you have a song stuck in your head doesn't mean you have to sing it aloud over and over when you have been asked to stop. The OP made the very reasonable suggestion that she go elsewhere to sing as she was interrupting the conversation but she wouldn't. It would understandable if she was a toddler or a young child but an 11 year old should know better. When I was young, kids would play up and misbehave sometimes, but would have stopped instantly if another adult told them off.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 19:32

I don't know why the mum didn't tell her daughter to go upstairs and read or whatever and let her talk to her friend on her own. Why is it that a mum's friends are treated as everyone's friends and the mum isn't allowed any privacy?

HumphreyCobbler · 09/08/2011 19:32

yy thisisyesterday

she is ELEVEN. I would stop my four year old from behaving like this

footballmum · 09/08/2011 19:36

This attention seeking/refusing to leave me and my friends' sides is something I've noticed with my friends' daughters. After about the age of 8 they seem to want to sit and listen to everything we've got to say! Is this normal? I've got boys so they aren't the slightest bit interested in our conversations!! I don't think you were BU though. Her mum should have told her to pack it in.

neuroticmumof3 · 09/08/2011 19:37

Someone singing that song repeatedly would drive me to kill, so I think your response was pretty mild in comparison.

DialsMavis · 09/08/2011 19:38

Hmmm the singing sounds annoying but as someone else said how would the baby have concentrated on her lunch if you were in a busy restaurant? Do you usually like your friends DD? I am pretty Dickensian in my outlook but I would never so cross about a child singing. Also with regard to the baby's nap- would you and your friend have sat in silence for the entirety of her sleep? I would never expect someone else's children to even stop humming so I could get DD to sleep. I would leave the room myself.

alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants · 09/08/2011 19:41

Why didn't OPs friend tell her own child off? Possibly because it wasn't annoying her as much as it was the OP.

"we'd both tell each other kids off". Does OPs friend tell OPs baby off? Or does OP feel that this child needs more discipline? That the mum is too lax?

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy · 09/08/2011 19:42

Totally 100% agree with thisisyesterday - and why anyone would think different is a bit of a mystery to me. Why the actual fuck do so many people think kids should just be allowed to do what they like, how they like and when they like and then laughingly put it down to being 'spirited' or 'attention seeking' like that's ok? As others have said - it's no pissing wonder we're in the state we're in since even the bloody parents won't set boundaries.

youarekidding · 09/08/2011 19:43

YANBU from experience of a friends 6yo who is exactly the same but it's hard to portray in a post without it sounding dramatic. Grin

I nearly did an AIBU to think my friend should have removed her DD from the caravan after 5 days of this on a row. Her DD does the tongue brring. It's great she's learnt but when people are in a small space it's not OK IMO to be doing it so loud people can't talk. And if you won't stop/ go in bedroom/ outside when your asked your removed.

It's basic manners that in a room everyone gets heard - not one person above another.

I hope she'll learn from this.

Lucyinthepie · 09/08/2011 19:50

I can't believe anyone would think that it was ok for an 11 YEAR OLD to be allowed to behave like this. As said above, maybe it explains a lot about the society we are unfortunate enough to live in at the moment. FFS even a much younger child can be asked to let people eat and chat in peace and be expected to take notice.

Op, you did absolutely the right thing. You were having a miserable time, your baby was having a miserable time, and no doubt your friend was also having a miserable time. I hope the child did feel bad, because if her mother won't take responsibility for teaching her to have some consideration for others, at least you've given her a clue.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2011 19:51

And why the hell does anyone think the girl was singing for her own pleasure? She was singing to annoy the adults in the room.

pictish · 09/08/2011 19:52

Behave like what Lucy?

Singing? Laughing at a baby spitting it's food out??

Am I the only one who is failing to see what great crime has been committed here???

TheBride · 09/08/2011 19:53

YANBU and remarkablyt restrained IMO- not sure I would have been - repetitive sound is, after all, a well known form of torture. It is hard when friends have annoying little shits for kids though. I tend to find it's easier just to make other friends or only see those ones at night when said brat is aslepp (or looting JJBs)

GhoulLasher · 09/08/2011 19:54

I don't think it sounds abnormal. Cant you tune them out? Personally I blank them...it usually works.

GhoulLasher · 09/08/2011 19:55

And I think your temper was short because you were annoyed at nt going out even though you understand why....how it can take yuu an hour and a half to do makeup and hai is beyond me!

usualsuspect · 09/08/2011 19:56

yabu