to have walked out on best friends' rude child? (long).

[SaffronCake]

I arranged to go for lunch with my best friend, but she sent me a text as I was leaving to say she didn't want to go out (joint pain- it's a recurring problem for her) so we'd be having lunch at hers. She could have told me earlier and I wouldn't have spent an extra half hour getting ready I thought, but nevermind, make-up's on now and hair's up, too late.

Once at hers, her 11 year old daughter would not shut up, singing the same 4 lines of the most annoying single in the charts over, and over and over. We've got a relationship a bit like sisters and we'd both tell each others kids off without second thought. I asked the girl to stop it, she said she couldn't, so I said if that was the case then go to her bedroom or out to play because it's annoying and very rude and she's making it hard for Mummy and I to talk to each other. It made no difference beyond a quiet 2 or 3 minutes here and there.

After an hour of this my baby can't concentrate on anything, including her lunch, and the annoying 11 y/o is now laughing every time my baby spits her food. So I tell her not to because it encourages bad behaviour. That again works for 2-3 minutes and either another bloody 4 lines of "Swagger Jagger" or laughing at the baby starts up again. It wasn't even a real laugh, it was clearly put on.

After giving up on lunch and trying to cuddle baby in for her nap for another 10 minutes while the girl kept on singing/humming the same 4 lines (just 4 lines) of that infernal annoyance, so that baby couldn't even sleep, I packed up said we were leaving. My friend (who was quite shocked as I would be expected to hang about until early evening, it being quite a drive) asked if I was Ok, I said, "no I've had enough of it, but it's her house, so we better be off".

Cue shock and awe all round, one very guilty 11 year old and a rapid departure.

I don't think I'm out of order, because I don't think I could really have done anything else. If my friend isn't going to insist on basic respect in her house I've no right to wade in and set the punishments, but that said I don't like the scene-making-ness of it all and now I feel sorry any of it happened at all.

Was IBU? Please be nice.

I don't understand what 11yo would have learnt from this? OP didn't go round to see 11yo. No loss to 11yo if OP is there or not.

I do agree that children should be disciplined and taught manner and how to behave. by their parents

yeah and the parent wasn't teaching her., so the op left... what else could she do?

pictish I am with you! 11 year old's do that kind of thing for attention don't they? Very normal and tune-able-outable!

Teaching her what? Not to sing? Or laugh? Fgs ..laughing at a bab acting up is normal too! TO read MN one would think you were all the partners of Captain Von Trapp!

I meant BABY not BAB!

yeah they do

tune out, tune out....

wtf? 11 year olds singing repetitively for attention? really? Four year olds yes. Eleven year olds are at secondary school. They have boobs and periods. They're closer to being able to join the army than wear nappies.

Talk about infantalisation!!

Mn always gets its knickers in a knot about other peoples kids

no... taught manners!

like, not to constantly annoy guests for a whole lunchtime
to allow people to have a conversation
to stop being irritating when you are asked repeatedly to stop

Unless the parent was trying her best to ignore 11yo dd in the hope that she would shut up, or can tune it out, and OP keeps on telling 11yo because the song is grating on her. and if she wasn't in a bad mood already she would probably have been able to do this too.

OP- what I find is that if a child old enough to play unsupervised is being annoying, the best way to deal with this without beign confrontational is to start casually swearing or strike up a conversation about inappropriate things like dogging. Then the mum is bound to say "jacinda, please go and play in your room/ watch Tv /do your homework etc". try it. Works like a charm 19 times out of 20.

They have boobs and periods????

a) Most 11 year olds do not have boobs OR periods
b) Even if she does, that has nothing to do with her mental maturity
c) ALL kids develops and mature at wildly different rates....why is everyone here so sure of what an 11 year old they have never met should be doing???

She SANG and she LAUGHED!

Fucking hell.

I'm too

hardly the crime of the bleeding century is it

Maybe we just know different 11 year olds. When I was first year at secondary school (11-12), at least half the girls in my year had a bra, and that was a long time ago.

What I'm saying is that an eleven year old is not a little kid with no concept of social niceties. She was deliberately being annoying, and was asked to stop by a visitor. That should be enough.

thebride have you been in a class of 11yo at secondary school recently?
I think this 11yo was behaving pretty normally for a child this age.

So, if you went to visit a friend for lunch and their child (who is presumably about to go to secondary school) didn't give you 5 minutes peace to talk because she was behaving like a spoilt 5 year-old, you wouldn't mind at all.
Really?
I bloody would.

says a lot about parentuing then really doesnt it?

I wouldn't storm off out with the hump

why not? if you're not enjoying yourself at a party, you dont stick around do you? social occasions shd be fun, not a ball ache listening to some socially retarded tween sing 4 lines on repeat. if I want that I'd stay at home and listen to Radio 1

If I was in a bad mood because I'd spent ages getting ready and doing my make-up and hair, to have a phone call just as I was leaving to say that we wouldn't be going out and were eating at home instead, I would be suitable miffed.

OP went, knowing she was in a bad mood. Had a childlike strop over something that has most likely been blown out of all proportion in order to make herself feel less guilty about her behaviour. This is MN after all.

"extra half hour" not an hour and a half.

I think you were not unreasonable in the slightest. It's obvious you were irritated. If your friend decided that was not a problem (and presumably she did by failing to act/back you up) then all you can do is leave. Hope it doesn't happen again.

Yes. Other people's children are VERY ANNOYING.

They are whiney, badly behaved, rude and cheeky....thay have habits we would not tolerate in our own homes....they grate our cheese, get on our wick and make us grateful for our own equally irritating brats. Don't kid yourselves otherwise.

Point is - you don't storm out of your friend's house in a cream puff because of it. You grit your teeth and sit the little horror out. That's what friends fucking DO ok??

She sang an annoying song repeatedly, and she laughed at the baby. No crime was committed here beyond that of being annoying.

Get some perspective people - and don't sit there smugly polishing your mummy medals either. YOUR kids are brats too. Believe me.

You were remarkable restrained

I agree Pictish

As a rule pictish, I do not find other people's children annoying in the slightest. But I'd have found this one very annoying, because that is what she was trying to be.