Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be utterly disgusted that people - especially women - use the word 'frape'. It's not big or clever, is DISGUSTING

218 replies

hairfullofsnakes · 05/08/2011 23:17

...a stupid, awful word that should be banned. How can people use this word and not feel ashamed of doing so?

OP posts:
snippywoo2 · 06/08/2011 00:58

as I said in my previous post the countryside can be raped its according to which context you take the word

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:00

"Do you really think it's more likely that people mean that they have been sexually assaulted via facebook?"

sorry, MQ, what on earth are you saying there if not 'do you really think it's more likely that people think they have been sexually assaulted via facebook?'
i cannot get my head round it at all.it sounds horribly facetious and insulting to me, but presumably (judging by your wounded tone) you had another message in mind?

BahHumPug · 06/08/2011 01:01

Whilst I agree rape victims need more respect and understanding, I don't think that the use of 'frape' necessarily detracts from that in any real sense. A rape victim will not be compared to a 'frape' victim by anyone, consciously or subconsciously because the difference between the two actions is so marked.

'Frape' doesn't trivialise rape because people do not associate it with a man penetrating a woman against her consent. They associate it will teenagers putting 'X likes willies and poo'.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:01

i don't assume it, it's what it means. you have learned something new, Thumbwitch.

Twoequalstired · 06/08/2011 01:04

Aitch -" i doin't think that anyone is making a case that frape 'disarms the effect of rape', though, more that the effect of rape as a crime is so nothingy (other than on the victim, to be sure) that let's not unthinkingly let everyone chip away at it until that conviction rate goes from 6% to nearer 80%." To be honest I completely agree with your general point here but the post was specifically about the OP thinking that "frape 'disarms the effect of rape'" which you have been passionately arguing for. I don't think anyone on this thread would disagree with you that the conviction rate for rape is utterly appalling and that changes need to be made to the legal system in this regard.

MoominsAreScary · 06/08/2011 01:05

Have asked my teenager and he says it means someone violating your fb privacy by going on it without your consent and writing stupid things and that rape is the violation of someone's body without their consent. So same word (nearly) almost same meaning but different contexts?

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:08

i disagree with that, Bahum, and look forward to your next paper where you can prove one or other of us right on that score. Wink i think that the allusion is quite clear... someone leaves their fb open, ('asking for it' as lockets' young friend said further down) and gets humiliated and abused on their personal pages by someone who knows them well and who they trusted. that has quite a lot in common with rape, as most people understand and use the term, which is precisely why fraped is catching on faster and harder than face-jacking. please note i am not saying the two things carry equal weight, merely that one might reflect society's attitude to another. which is depressing beyond belief imo.

BahHumPug · 06/08/2011 01:12

I am genuinely interested to pursue it, and to see which one of us is right! Like I say, my previous research wasn't really centred on it.

All I can really surmise is that as a rape victim, I am not offended by it.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:12

not sure that i have been passionately arguing for any such thing Two, tbh. you might be mixing my posts up with someone else. i said that i think anyone using the term is a bit thick or words to that effect, that it isclearly a conjunction of fb and rape (and that i find the dropping of the b not insignificant) and apart from a minor and irrelevant move into hijacking with MQ have simply repeated that until society sees that rape is treated more seriously let's not start the kids with the cute rapey terms.

MightyQuim · 06/08/2011 01:13

Yes Aitch I did and funnily enough you are the only one who doesn't seem to understand what I wrote which is why I thought you misinterpreted it on purpose.

Just in case you genuinely, for some reason, didn't understand I will explain. The argument has been made on here that fraped refers to the sexual assault of rape. I have argued that it comes from the definition - to seize and spoil. Peanut suggested that frape meant that the user had been raped (as in the crime) via Facebook. I was merely pointing out that it is impossible, afaik to be penetrated against your will via facebook so that meaning obviously didn't apply. hth.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:15

and i can tell you that since this thread started one person has pm'd me tosay that she is a lurking rape victim who is offended by it, as are her friends who are also victims of rape... so i am pleased foryou that it doesn' t make you shudder, really i am, but i already have you cancelled out by the lurker. (i want to Wink but perhaps this isn't a winky thread? Smile) but yes, do the paper, that would be really fascinating. because i so profoundly disagree with you on the f-thing.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:17

ah well there's the source of the confusion right there, MQ. peanut didn't say that.

MightyQuim · 06/08/2011 01:18

She did.

DontCallMePeanut Sat 06-Aug-11 00:25:30
When people say they've been "fraped", they are saying they have been raped via facebook. It is NOT two very different things from where I'm standing. They are comparing their account being hacked to being raped.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:19

They are comparing their account being hacked to being raped.

Twoequalstired · 06/08/2011 01:19

The instances of "frape" that I have heard about are things like "I love my mum" from a 14 year old boys account. Everyone on his Facebook "friends" will know this isn't his own post. I won't deny that this will be embarrassing for him but I would argue that he won't be "humiliated and abused". This is so far from the crime of rape. I don't believe that the perpetrators of this would be in a similar frame of mind as a rapist.
And I also feel I need to defend MQ. Aitch - "MQ's post re people posting that they've been sexually assaulted on fb". That is not what MQ said!

BahHumPug · 06/08/2011 01:19

horses for courses, innit. Some people get offended by some things, some don't. I personally think in the world of rape, there are much bigger fish to fry.

MightyQuim · 06/08/2011 01:21

Why are you randomly bolding Aitch? Peanut clearly says that 'they are saying that have been raped via facebook' and that the 2 meanings are not different. Meaning that people who use the word fraped are saying they have been raped (as in the sexual assault) via facebook.

BahHumPug · 06/08/2011 01:23

Their accounts aren't being hacked.

Hacked means something completely different in the computer world. Rape, with all its meanings, it actually more akin to what occurs.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:23

sure, horses for courses. i just wouldn't want anyone assuming that you speak for all women who have been raped, as nor i'm sure would you, bahum.

i was listening to a thing on the radio today about cyber-bullying... they were talking about fraping etc and what was being written was enough to make one 14 year old girl attempt suicide. it wasn't 'i love my mum' they were writing.

MightyQuim · 06/08/2011 01:24

Thanks for pointing that out again Twoequals. But I won't hold my breath for an apology.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:28

she really is not MQ, but if you must insist on interpreting it that way then there's no point in us continuing the conversation. she was comparing one thing with another and finding them parallel, as i also did.

nor were celebrities' phones being hacked, then, if that is your definition of hacking. they had left their voicemails lying open, and the tabs were merely ringing in. it is still being called hackgate, however, so i think that's hair-splitting tbh.

although i personally would use jacked rather than hacked, that was me quoting the crucial final sentence of peanut'spost earlier.

MoominsAreScary · 06/08/2011 01:28

Bah I agree, as a victim of rape it doesn't offend me,

And if my sons understanding of the word is anything to go by it is not being used in the same context ( obviously as you can't be sexually assaulted via fb!)

BahHumPug · 06/08/2011 01:29

No one is saying that frape is a nice thing, Aitch. Your point seems slightly lost there - frape trivialises rape and yet it is so damaging that a girl tried to kill herself?

Indeed, I do not speak for all women, I speak for myself. I also hope I've got a fair amount of logic on my side. Rape victims are entitled to feel exactly how they want to feel, but I like to be able to rationalise.

AitchTwoOh · 06/08/2011 01:30

i'm honestly not going toapologise, MQ. that's nuts. i honestly and fairly responded to your total and wilful misinterpretation of peanut's post. which you are sticking to, btw, which is fine, but don't expect me to respect you in the morning... Grin

sunshinelifeisgood · 06/08/2011 01:31

oh dear that is bad, but then mumsnet has gone mad the last couple of days yanbu